SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  The Lair    Stop Avoiding the Subject, We All Know It Came Out. The Dark Tower Trailer
Page 1 2 3 

Moderators: parabellum
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
Stop Avoiding the Subject, We All Know It Came Out. The Dark Tower Trailer Login/Join 
Member
posted Hide Post
Don't think I'll see the movie. Could never get past the first book in the series (or the fisrt 100 pages of any other King book for that matter). If the movie is true to King's writing style it will take 37 hours to tell a 2 hr story and I just don't have that kind of time.

Ken
 
Posts: 838 | Location: Missouri | Registered: December 28, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Hop head
Picture of lyman
posted Hide Post
I am confused, but it has been years since I read the books,

I say books but I did not finish the series,

the damn train turned me off, as in I stopped that book and never finished the series,

I think this was when King was having issues, as in 1000 pages to say the sky was blue



www.chesterfieldarmament.com
 
Posts: 5828 | Location: Beach VA,not VA Beach | Registered: July 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Someone gave me the first book in the series but I just couldn't finish it. Being like most of King's other novels you could randomly tear out fifty or more pages from anywhere in the book and instantly make the book better.


No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.- Mark Twain
 
Posts: 1738 | Location: TX | Registered: October 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Rinehart
posted Hide Post
I will watch it but I'm a little puzzled as well. It was a great concept, the gunslingers and the zen world view. It's a lot to pack in.

I also liked King's "The Stand", but actually sometimes prefer "Swan Song" by Robert McCammon. It's darker. (Supposedly they both are inspired by Richard Matheson's "I am Legend"...).

Swan Song is pre/post-apocalyptic nuclear war (WWIII).

What's different in "Swan Song" is Job's Mask. Many survivors wind up with a condition called Job's Mask, where growths overtake their face where they were injured in the bombings. Once these growths fall off, they leave the person more attractive than they were before—IF they're good people.
The Job's Mask is said to bring forward the "true face", meaning the bad guys who get them wind up hideous when they fall off.
 
Posts: 634 | Location: PA | Registered: March 15, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of WesleyDelArma
posted Hide Post
Once again Stephen King has given fudgie assbirth to another Dark Tower trailer. This time directly into the soft, moist mouthmeat of his chosen studio producer.

"Yaaa caaaaa daaaa kaaa faaaaa daaaa yaaaaa!" He screeches in an entirely affected and grossly exaggerated New England accent. The ancient incantation of colonic creation.

The studio producer takes his mouthful of "art" and climbs into the passenger seat of a Lincoln crossover being driven by Matthew McColonhay.

"Ahm an evil wizard now so I drive with mah miiiiiiind...." Matthew explains as he floors the accelerator without touching the steering wheel.

My biggest takeaway from both trailers at this point is that Roland is going to die in the first film because he has a stuck casing in his revolver and NO FUCKING EJECTOR ROD. I didn't see a cylinder latch on his sort of Remington revolvers either. I read on IMFDB some dude who says he built them said the are chambered in 38 Special. Not 45. So there's that. Maybe he carries a stick in his pocket to push out empties.
 
Posts: 268 | Location: Southern Illinois | Registered: July 06, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Tinker Sailor Soldier Pie
Picture of Balzé Halzé
posted Hide Post
I won't be watching this puke pile. And The Dark Series is one I loved. I've read it at least four times over.

Nope. Won't be watching this.


~Alan

Acta Non Verba
NRA Life Member (Endowment)
Family, Guns, Country

"My guns are always loaded."
~R.G. Justified

What whiskey will not cure, there is no cure.
 
Posts: 17538 | Location: Out of Jersey, Into Utah | Registered: October 29, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
"Member"
Picture of cas
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by parabellum:
Soooo confused


Hobbits maybe?


_____________________________________________________
Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911.

 
Posts: 14477 | Location: A little box of pine on the 7:29 | Registered: May 17, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Joy Maker
Picture of airsoft guy
posted Hide Post
WesleyDelArma's posts in this thread are all solid gold. I wish for there to be more movies based on King's works, just so that he can post about them.



quote:
Originally posted by Will938:
If you don't become a screen writer for comedy movies, then you're an asshole.
 
Posts: 15007 | Location: Washington State | Registered: April 04, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Peace through
superior firepower
Picture of parabellum
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by WesleyDelArma:
"Yaaa caaaaa daaaa kaaa faaaaa daaaa yaaaaa!"


 
Posts: 78897 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Was not at all interested in this movie, didn't see the first trailer but the new one played in front of Spider-Man and now it's on the list. The wife and I are big Idris Elba fans.
 
Posts: 2298 | Registered: January 27, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of WesleyDelArma
posted Hide Post
So, piecing together what I can from both trailers I think I can offer a rough narrative for the film.

First, the clips are obviously shown out of chronological order.

It starts off with Jake sitting with the producer for the new reality show he is in called "Touched By An Uncle". Jake is confused and rambling on about nonsense because the contestants on the show are given Red Bull laced with Xtasy.

The producer is worried that Jake's parents will discover that their precious, exploitable child is being given Red Bull by his studio. Looking at Jake though he starts licking his lips and reflecting how HE puts the "stud" in "studio".

That's when the hyperactive rectal vibrator in his desk starts up ON IT'S OWN and shakes the room.

Huck senses something's wrong....

Jake is returned to his parents after a sticky day of filming. We find out that Jake lives in a shitty house. Poor him. We also find out that he isn't his mother's vagchild, that he is a fosterslave. Jake is distraught to find out that all the pictures his mother showed him of his birth, the slow motion video of a child being shat into the wet open mouth of his father, none of those were him. Ka is a wheel, say fuckya.

Jake is sent to his room after a meal of hair with skin stuck to it and a glass of urinade. He then discovers a plot hole in his room that lets him escape to the Gunslinger's world.

Roland, last of his kind, the last Gunslinger. Trained in the ancient and honored knightly way of the Gunslinger. That is to say be the only person with guns for the majority of seven or eight books and revel in your skill at shooting largely unarmed combatants. Some had sticks and shit, though.

Once Jake crosses over he wanders around until he finds a bar, hoping to find a big strong man to protect him. This is when he meets Roland. Jake is immediately terrified of him because his parents taught that "black man be de debil!" Jake is relieved when Roland starts asking questions about his world. Jake regrets coming to this world and wants to go home so he tells Roland about earth hoping he will help him get back.

Roland asks Jake to become his "sissy". He explains to Jake how much of an honor it is and the ancient pact between a Gunslinger and his sissy. Jake accepts.

This part is a little fuzzy. Randall Flagg should be the villain in some of these films, but it looks like at some point a stoned Matthew McGuanohay wandered onto the set saying weird shit and lines from True Detective. Or it may be lyrics from a Television album. He is unaware he is in a movie. He sees a black man and decides to fight him because he was taught they are " de debil". So I guess they just filmed him and cut it in. Star power muthafuckas!

Matt's Zippo breaks and his hand catches on fire. After this he thinks he is a wizard,

Roland starts to teach Jake the ways of the Gunslinger. He does this by shooting homeless people in the alleys of New York City. A Good Samaritan tries to rescue Jake from the sweaty black murder machine mowing down winos and bums, but is shot in the head by Roland.

Roland does some shit that looks cool in slow motion because he knows it looks cool in slow motion.

Matthew shows Roland his jizz sock collection and explains its NEVER because he HAS to. He WANTS to. Roland is horrified to meet a man that prefers to take matters into his own hand and tries to kill him by shooting everything BUT him. Matthew tries to stop a deluge of glass from falling on him believing still that he is a wizard. He isn't. He gets cut up a bit and goes home to masturbate to his own reflection and add to his collection.

Roland is showing Jake more Gunslinger tricks and starts to get cocky. He tries to jump off the balcony of a shopping mall and shoot a dangerous looking woman nursing a baby. He makes the shot but lands head first into a marble fountain.

After a trip to the hospital Jake learns that Roland has brain damage. He doesn't want to spend the rest of his life cleaning and slopping a 'tard so he decides to ditch him back in his own world. Along the way Roland forgets who Jake is and shoots Jake in the mouth.

It is at the end of the film that Roland reveals that he is NOT brain damaged! He killed Jake because HE BE DE DEBIL!

Can't wait for the sequels!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: WesleyDelArma,
 
Posts: 268 | Location: Southern Illinois | Registered: July 06, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
10mm is The
Boom of Doom
Picture of Fenris
posted Hide Post
Ummm....




The budget should be balanced, the Treasury should be refilled, public debt should be reduced, the arrogance of officialdom should be tempered and controlled, and the assistance to foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome become bankrupt. People again must learn to work, instead of living on public assistance. ~ Cicero 55 BC

The Dhimocrats love America like ticks love a hound.
 
Posts: 15029 | Location: Northern Virginia | Registered: November 08, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Hop head
Picture of lyman
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Scurvy:
The wife and I are big Idris Elba fans.


yep,,



www.chesterfieldarmament.com
 
Posts: 5828 | Location: Beach VA,not VA Beach | Registered: July 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Love SK. Hated this series. Painful as hell.

I will watch. For free.

Did I mention I thought this series sucked?
 
Posts: 1271 | Registered: June 18, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata Page 1 2 3  
 

SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  The Lair    Stop Avoiding the Subject, We All Know It Came Out. The Dark Tower Trailer

© SIGforum 2017