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Peace through
superior firepower
Picture of parabellum
posted
Oh, man, Discovery Channel has been airing old episodes of Man vs. Wild. Supposedly, it's a show intended to demonstrate survival techniques, but it's nothing but a farce.

Let's see- Grylls gets air-dropped into some remote location. The first thing he does is find some dead animal, then he eats some part of it, or climbs inside the caracass or the like.
Then, he runs around like a madman, racing down steep hills or climbing the face of a cliff for some unknown reason. No worries about broken bones or dislocated limbs, no sir. Such things are not an impediment in a survival situation. After that, he finds a snake and bites the head off of it, or eats a live scorpion whole, or stabs an alligator or some such whacky shit.

"It's a well-known survival fact: tonguing a dead yak's asshole helps to keep you hydrated..."

When it's time to find or make shelter for the night, there's a perfunctory exercise of tossing some sticks against a rock or burying himself in dead leaves. Then, it's off to the hotel with his crew for a shower, dinner and drinks. Back in the morning, they show Grylls exiting from his debris shelter looking like a man who slept in a king-size bed- because he did sleep in a king-size bed.

I love his inane comments, such as "Some people get almost all the way through a survival situation, only to stumble over the last hurdle, and die. You don't want to be one of those people." No shit, Sherlock.

or

"I never want to find myself fighting a bear." Right, man, unlike the rest of us, who yearn for the day. "Disembowel me, Smokey. I can't wait!"

Simulating hypothermia by jumping fully clothed into water which is barely above freezing, he talks about how he might die if he can't get a fire started. No, Bear, I'm certain that your camera man, sound man, producer and guide who are there with you would stop that from happening, ya yutz.

When he finds animal dung, he stops and contemplates it before launching into a Shakesperean soliloquy about the animal who excreted it. As I recall, Grylls once squeezed water out of a huge chunk of elephant shit and drank it.

And then, there's everyone's favorite Bear Grylls moment, where this douchebag drank his own urine.

What a bunch of freaky, twisted bullshit.


____________________________________________________

"Similarly, the Romans enslaved the British for 400 years. So, are we due reparations from the Italians?" - John Cleese
 
Posts: 90897 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
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There's always the iconic scene where he drinks his own piss. It's as ubiquitous as a Van Damme leg split or a Tom Cruise going ballistic. It's even better when he uses the skin of a snake to hold his urine.

Funniest thing I remember was him going for some honey. He wrapped his head with clothing because he had to stick his head into the crevice where the honey comb was. He got some honey but he had to point out that he left part of his head open (I think above his eyes) and that's where he got stung.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 15827 | Location: Bay Area, CA | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Get Off My Lawn
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I watched some of his shows with my young son when it first aired and it was dreadful, just ridiculous shit.

quote:
Originally posted by parabellum:e.
Then, he runs around like a madman, racing down steep hills or climbing the face of a cliff for some unknown reason. No worries about broken bones or dislocated limbs, no sir.


I remember a clip of him of pole vaulting down a steep cliff/hillside with a perfectly straight 10 branch that he "found" Big Grin

Here is one of my favorite Bear Grylls clips -


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRKiu0OW65A



"I’m not going to read Time Magazine, I’m not going to read Newsweek, I’m not going to read any of these magazines; I mean, because they have too much to lose by printing the truth"- Bob Dylan, 1965
 
Posts: 13151 | Location: Texas | Registered: May 13, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Peace through
superior firepower
Picture of parabellum
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Perfect. That's the show in a nutshell
 
Posts: 90897 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
E tan e epi tas
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Maybe it’s because it’s been a shitty year, or I am having a bad week or I just need a release but.....

I am literally laughing out loud at this. I never really watched the show, I know about it but never watched but I totally want to now.

“It's a well-known survival fact: tonguing a dead yak's asshole helps to keep you hydrated..."

I am soooo going to work that into conversation one of these days.

Thank you sir....I needed this. Smile


"Guns are tools. The only weapon ever created was man."
 
Posts: 5043 | Location: On the water | Registered: July 25, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I will admit the Gryls show is bullshit, but he is not nearly as annoying as this guy, Creek Stewart on the Weather Channel. From the tip of his pony tail to his cute ski outfits he is something else:



In other episodes he eats a rattlesnake and makes other profound statements.
 
Posts: 8281 | Location: Stuck at home | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Another crock of shit is when Grylls takes movie stars into the bushes.
Adventure ensues! Roll Eyes


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 10457 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Peace through
superior firepower
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Yeah, then we have ol' Bear, his celeb buddy and their PR agent, camera man, sound man, producer and guide out there on the looooonely trail.

Shit, they're one Conestoga short of a wagon train.


____________________________________________________

"Similarly, the Romans enslaved the British for 400 years. So, are we due reparations from the Italians?" - John Cleese
 
Posts: 90897 | Registered: January 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
In the yahd, not too
fah from the cah
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You might appreciate this:





 
Posts: 5866 | Location: Just outside of Boston | Registered: March 28, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Want the real deal in survival shows?
I Was Prey. (lots of folks being munched on by bears, sharks and mountain lions)
I Shouldn't Be Alive (now on NetFlix).
48 Hours: Live To Tell. (crime related)
Some of the stories on these shows would make Grylls crap his pants.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 10457 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Uppity Helot
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I watch a few episodes years ago and it seemed over the top for sure. I prefer the occasional Survivorman rerun with Les Stroud.
 
Posts: 2023 | Location: Manheim, PA | Registered: September 04, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Protect Your Nuts
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I walked by a few months ago and my 9yo was watching some kids version of that idiot’s show on Netflix. It was some sort of interactive choose your own adventure style thing. I missed the intro so I don’t know what the backstory was, but it was some type of cold weather rescue scenario. At one decision point my son asked what he should pick and I explained the situation and he picked correctly. A couple more of these go by and I thought this actually isn’t that bad, he’s teaching some decent stuff.

He then gets to a decision point of where he can either rappel down into a ravine, or glissade down a low angle couloir. Glissading is basically sitting on your butt, sliding, and using your Ice Axe or ski pole to slow your descent in a controlled manner. Since he had already earlier stated he only had a 90ft rope and it was a 180ft rappel I told my son he should glissade.

Asshole proceeds to whip out a shovel, sit on it and go batshit crazy straight down the couloir into a shrub. Then he chided the audience that you should never go down something you can’t see the bottom of. We went back and selected the rappel option and during a camera angle change his 90ft pulled some Optimus Prime shit and became a 300ft different colored rope.

Fuck that guy.


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Posts: 2640 | Location: VA, mostly | Registered: June 14, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Yeah, that M14 video guy...
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I always preferred Les Stroud (survivorman). There was the time he was being stalked by a jaguar and he cut the show short, if I remember correctly.

Then there's Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dumb in Dual Survival. Mister "I don't wear shoes" and mister "I was special forces" who was actually an MP.

Tony.


Owner, TonyBen, LLC, Type-01 FFL
www.tonybenm14.com (Site under construction).
e-mail: tonyben@tonybenm14.com
 
Posts: 3838 | Location: USA | Registered: February 13, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The pathetic part is people like watching it thinking they're seeing actual information...it's like watching the Daily Show for actual news.

My nephew has worked as a producer on a number of TV docu-series, to include Deadliest Catch...it's all scripted, prodded or, staged. The action is real, many of the situations shown are manipulated to elicit a reaction for the camera and of course, lots and lots of massaging thru music, camera angles and lighting to create characters.
 
Posts: 10251 | Location: Wine Country | Registered: September 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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This is my guy. Hilarious.
 
Posts: 8281 | Location: Stuck at home | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
A man's got to know
his limitations
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Super Dave was awesome!



"But, as luck would have it, he stood up. He caught that chunk of lead." Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock
 
Posts: 8477 | Registered: March 23, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ducatista
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Gerber makes some great knives and such, but they attach the Bear's name and add 20% to the price.


Idiots.


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Posts: 4569 | Location: Dallas, TX | Registered: April 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Hop head
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my brother like reality TV,

we were on trip to pick up an estate and he was watching some gawdawful show in the hotel,

he claims it is simple mindless entertainment,


I reminded him that reality tv ain't real, so why bother,


I have watched a few episodes of a show I cannot remember the name of that takes place up north,,

guy on Gunboards that goes by Caribou has been on it,

it seems much more plausible or real than anything else I have seem,



I will admit I'll watch a few minutes of Naked and Afraid if I scroll by it, just for the chuckles,



www.chesterfieldarmament.com
 
Posts: 8319 | Location: Beach VA,not VA Beach | Registered: July 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Jeez, I was on a layover overseas last week and the only US channel I could find was Discovery. They were running the Bear Grylls marathon and I had it on as background noise while I did other stuff. By the third episode I could predict what was going to happen - OK, time to eat something gross for no reason. Time to start a fire in what you say are impossible conditions. Time to climb/descend something ridiculous for no reason.

I had never watched the show before but when watched as idiot level entertainment TV it can be fun.

Ooooh, an iguana's liver!




This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears above ground he is a protector.
Plato
 
Posts: 1500 | Location: Texas! | Registered: June 13, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
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What do you want to bet there's a catering truck with hot food out of camera range?
 
Posts: 23808 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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