I read an article a few years ago that examined this exact phenomenon in social media. In short, people are now starting to develop unreasonable expectations of what happiness or success are, based on social media posts they see from their peers. The problem is, people generally only like to post about the best stuff that happens to them, or try to present their idealized self, so what you see is severely filtered, and thus, you start to build a skewed perspective of how successful and happy your "friends" are. You look at your life and it seems shit in comparison. You end up with feelings of doubt in your own accomplishments and material wealth instead of just being happy with what you have.

I stopped actively participating in social media about two years ago, and while I leave my account up so family stuff can still be coordinated when necessary, I don't have Facebook on my phone, and I don't ever log in on the computer. I simply have no desire to read through everyone's social projections anymore. I go to work, I come home and do family time until my son goes to bed and hang out with the wife and read sigforum or watch something. That's all I have time for. I certainly don't have time to sit and slog through everyone's "look at me."

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Originally posted by corsair:

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Originally posted by Prefontaine:
To understand this phenomenon you need to understand marketing and advertising.

Ain't that the truth.

People must learn and understand how powerful marketing and advertising are. Immensely powerful, as powerful as crack to a crack addict. It's everywhere. Even my gym has ads in between the songs (which is terrible) and they won't turn it down because it's a corporate directive. So to compensate my earbuds are in before I even walk in the joint. At home I quit watching commercial television 20 years ago. I don't care if I'm the last person on Earth with cable/satellite, I only watch paid stations that have no advertisements and the few rare things I do watch with any kind of ad are watched via DVR so I can skip. In the car, I used to be a XM subscriber until they removed my channels I liked. So now, I pay Pandora $4 a month for ad free music. Online, I'm a forum member until they come with the ads. I'll pay a small fee to obstain from them if need be or just cancel my account. Youtube, my hand is hovering over the skip ad button. If it gets any worse I'll either just not log on, or pay their bounty for ad free. When my once a year mall trip becomes Minority Report, you know where Cruise is walking and ads pop up on the wall because some machine has scanned his retinas, and starts marketing to him, I'll be ready. I'll have earbuds on, sunglasses, and music rattling my eardrums. I never did have a myspace account so subsequently never got the hook in my mouth for Fakebook, Twatter, Insta-crap, Snap-Crap, Pointless-Interest or the next POS that comes out. Online dating? Not a chance in hell. I've never taken a selfie, and don't even like taking pictures because someone will post them on one of those sites which means they get sold to a marketing firm, and I don't get a check. Zuckerberg is worth billions because he sells all your shit to the highest bidder.

Marketing and advertising are immensely powerful. The first step is admitting the truth, and understanding that shit gets into your subconscious. So start turning off the ads, the social media noise, turn it all off. When I want to buy something I'll do my own work, research, ask others, etc. Things are more rewarding for me when I go out and find them on my own rather than them being beamed into me. And like the devil himself you must admit how powerful the stuff is, what it can do to you, how it can make you feel, and how it can affect your life in negative ways. None of us will make it out of this alive so the man or woman with the most shit just represents the biggest nightmare and feeding frenzy when they pass away. So act accordingly.
There is a saying I love.....I have never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer. Another, mo' money mo' problems. I see a big fuck off house and immediately shake my head as I wouldn't want the kwh or water bills, the upkeep, and the taxes make me cringe. Expensive cars, the depreciation and upkeep, the fuel and insurance. Fancy expensive vacays, not at this stage. That $2,500 for 7 days is better spent redoing a bathroom, or getting new cabinets. When you renovate your home every dollar you spend turns into $2, offers higher quality of life, excellent investment at the same time, and you use it every day of your life.

Sorry for the novels, but I'm glad someone brought this up. People need to learn.

I understand, I feel that way at times. It helps to think about what you actually have, sounds like you and your family are quite lucky.

Yeah I want to redo my kitchen and bathroom, but everything works, I'll put it off til a little later. I'd love to move somewhere newer and in a better area, I can wait on that too. Other than that I pretty much have what I need and am working on being debt free in about 13 months.

I have to remind myself sometimes, you don't always get want you want, but I am lucky to have what I have.

It happens. My parents helped my brother buy a $900k house and made him the executive of their will. He is the sole income of his family of 7. I told my parents that I don't want a penny of their money and that I would rather have a good relationship with them.

To quote Sheryl Crow, "It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got".

I exclusively befriend very poor people so when I compare myself to them I always look rich and they've nothing for me to envy.

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Originally posted by mrvmax:
I exclusively befriend very poor people so when I compare myself to them I always look rich and they've nothing for me to envy.

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Originally posted by 1s1k:
When I see someone with clearly way more money than I have I don't let jelously creep in one bit. I tend to wonder what they do or how they went about getting to that point. There success has nothing to do with mine.

I agree with all but the last sentence. I am very curious and always interested in what paths others have taken and what they learned. If I get a chance to speak with someone obviously successful (whether in financial or other dimensions) I ask them about their path and what they learned along the way. Sometimes it is just interesting, sometimes I learn something that helps me move forward toward my own goals.

For me, the most important thing is to be really clear about what your priorities are and to periodically review whether your efforts are in alignment with your priorities. For bonus points, track your results too.

There is nothing wrong with making a whole lot of money and if that is your priority you can focus on it and do it. If money isn't at the top of your priority list though, it probably shouldn't be the thing you worry too much about either. If you are accomplishing your higher priorities and have enough to meet your obligations, it sounds like you're doing pretty well.

When we where younger, my mind set was very conservative and similar to yours. We had reasonable houses and fairly new mid priced cars (Toyotas etc) After the kids were grown and gone and we went through the pains of starting and running a business for 20 some years, my mind set has changed in recent years. I'm forever asking myself "if I don't do this now, will I be able to do it in my next life?" You only go around once and the older you get the more that becomes a factor.

I'm not saying abandon your conservative lifestyle. On the contrary. that's a good thing while you're raising your children. But keep in mind, someday you just have to bust lose because there's no second chance.

Not really..."stuff" comes with a price (high at times) and as I get older that price is just not worth it...at least not to me....this is, as far as I can tell, a very universal truth, that we will realize at some point in our journey...for some sooner, some later. But that really dosen't matter...it will come

Treat yourself to gifts that are of the "one-time" expense variety and pay cash whenever possible. (or CC that gets paid off every month).

Avoid incurring recurring expenses and paying interest on anything that depreciates.

The fact that you posted what you did tells me you are probably in good shape and on the right track !

Funny, my wife is on FB and she is jealous of the people on their that seem to be very happy with less stressful jobs and who make less than we do.

Do I wish I hit the lottery....sure but I have never bought a ticket, kinda fun mental masturbation on ling road trips.

I have say I am jealous of those that are with their family everyday.

50 years years from now and it won't matter one bit;maybe sooner

I don't get jealous very often and am grateful for what I have. With that said, I sometimes come across deals-guns,cars,tools,etc., and have a need/want to buy. I keep praying for strength as the old saying goes," to want what I have, not have what I want". It ain't easy.

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Originally posted by wcb6092:
50 years years from now and it won't matter one bit;maybe sooner

Amen Wise One...Amen...remember the movie Dead Poet's Society...what do they all have in common?

I use too not anymore. House is paid for, 2 years worth of salaries in the bank and if I can't carry it, I ain't buyin" it.

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Originally posted by Aeteocles:

Second, I would ignore the comments about people being house poor, or in debt, or that they are not truly wealthy or happy and etc. I'm sure everyone means well when they say things like that, but it's a bad perspective to have. Looking for the fault in peoples lives to bring them down to "your level" is not healthy. Also, it's not being honest with yourself--deep down, you know that there are people who are simply more successful or happier than you and not everything is a facade. Besides, if you need to reduce other people's successes to increase your happiness, you are not very far from the idea that you would be happy about other people's failures...and that's not the type of person you want to be.

Yes, just ignore our comments because we're unhealthy self-deceivers who can't accept that someone else is actually happier or more successful than us. I'm glad you at least think we mean well.

You're telling him to change how he reacts to what he sees around him and think more positively about his own and others' success. Some of us are telling him to question what he sees and the assumptions underlying those observations. These don't have to be mutually exclusive.

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Originally posted by PASig:
Is this normal? I don’t think so, but little feelings of envy and jealously have been hitting me a bit lately when I see people in my age group or even younger buying up huge beautiful new construction homes and driving brand new fancy cars, etc.

You have no idea what debt they're carrying, what their economic fate might be in a downturn, what their daily stress is like maintaining that lifestyle, etc.

Most Americans are in debt up to their ears, have no more than a couple months of cushion before they have to start tapping their meager retirement savings (if they have any), have little-to-no retirement savings--or even a plan to start, are stressed seven ways from Sunday and don't sleep well.

They're not happy and they're chasing things in pursuit of it.

Be not envious of them.

We're in much the same position as your family, save no children. I just retired. Unless the world goes to hell in a handbasket, it should be an economically comfortable one, because we've always strived to live within our means. That meant smaller home, used cars, economical vacations, little eating out, etc.

We are happy. We are... comfortable

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Originally posted by Aeteocles:
Second, I would ignore the comments about people being house poor, or in debt, or that they are not truly wealthy or happy and etc. I'm sure everyone means well when they say things like that, but it's a bad perspective to have. Looking for the fault in peoples lives to bring them down ...

Pointing out that things aren't always what they seem to be is not "bringing them down," it's pointing out simple facts that have been revealed repeatedly in study-after-study and survey-after-survey.

Most Americans are 30 days from insolvency, last I read.

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Originally posted by S600MBUSA:

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Originally posted by Aeteocles:

Second, I would ignore the comments about people being house poor, or in debt, or that they are not truly wealthy or happy and etc. I'm sure everyone means well when they say things like that, but it's a bad perspective to have. Looking for the fault in peoples lives to bring them down to "your level" is not healthy. Also, it's not being honest with yourself--deep down, you know that there are people who are simply more successful or happier than you and not everything is a facade. Besides, if you need to reduce other people's successes to increase your happiness, you are not very far from the idea that you would be happy about other people's failures...and that's not the type of person you want to be.

Yes, just ignore our comments because we're unhealthy self-deceivers who can't accept that someone else is actually happier or more successful than us. I'm glad you at least think we mean well.

You're telling him to change how he reacts to what he sees around him and think more positively about his own and others' success. Some of us are telling him to question what he sees and the assumptions underlying those observations. These don't have to be mutually exclusive.

Some portion of people who appear to be happy and successful, will actually be happy and successful. Fact.

Convincing yourself that some people are not as happy and successful as they appear accomplishes what? Does it reduce the bell curve for a passing grade in life? No.

The emotionally healthy way to exit out of the rat race is to be happy for those who succeed, wish everyone the best of luck in finding happiness, and just run your own race.

What you are doing for your children is worth more than anything monetary. They are with your wife being taught what you want them to be. Years from now you guys will not be sorry you did this. To hell with the money! Keep doing wh At you are doing, you won't regret it!

"He who dies with the most toys wins" is not true. Better to cultivate a new hobby such as beating upon a cloud of unknowing, or while living be a dead man. Met and annoy ya?