Holy Crap. We are wimps.

Watching movies where people do seemingly impossible things is not going to seem as skeptical to me. Maybe heroic figures really were heroic and not exaggerated.



Modern Men are wussies

An anthropologist has described modern man as “the sorriest cohort of masculine Homo sapiens to ever walk the planet”, with even Arnold Schwarzenegger at his muscular peak no match for a Neanderthal woman in the arm-wrestling stakes.

According to Peter McAllister, in Manthropology: the Science of Inadequate Modern Man, so completely wussy have we become that were Usain "Lightning" Bolt to go head-to-head with an ancient Australian aboriginal, it'd be silver medal position for the Jamaican sprinter.

The prologue of McAllister's book warns blokes just how much of a humiliation they're in for, opening with: "If you're reading this then you - or the male you have bought it for - are the worst man in history. No ifs, no buts - the worst man, period.”

Chaps are then reminded that a Roman soldier was able to march one-and-a-half marathons in a single day, Rwandan Tutsi men could jump higher then the current world record of 2.45 metres, and Huichol Indian dads in Mexico tied strings to their 'nads so that their other half could give a quick tug during labour enabling them to share the childbirth experience.

Regarding the inadequacy of Schwarzenegger, McAllister studied the remains of "La Ferrassie 2", a Neanderthal lass discovered in a French cave in 1909. She boasted ten per cent more muscle than modern European men, and her upper arm strength was more than enough to "slam him to the table without a problem”.

Usain Bolt's nemesis, meanwhile, was an aboriginal man running barefoot on the shore of a lake in New South Wales around 20,000 years ago. His footprints, preserved in the soft mud, show he was sprinting at 37 km/h - not as fast as Bolt's top speed of 42 km/h, but without the benefit of "spiked shoes, a special track, a strict training regime, and money and glory to spur him on", as the Sydney Morning Herald puts it.

The reason for our decline is pretty obvious: general inactivity and a lack of hard graft. McAllister notes: "We are so inactive these days and have been since the industrial revolution really kicked into gear. These people were much more robust than we were. At the start of the industrial revolution there are statistics about how much harder people worked then.

"The human body is very plastic and it responds to stress. We have lost 40 per cent of the shafts of our long bones because we have much less of a muscular load placed upon them these days.

"We are simply not exposed to the same loads or challenges that people were in the ancient past and even in the recent past so our bodies haven't developed. Even the level of training that we do, our elite athletes, doesn't come close to replicating that."

Those parents wishing to restore the male of the species to his former glory have a few options available: start your son firing arrows from galloping horses at the age of two, the better to emulate deadly accurate 12th century Mongol bowmen; train your offspring to throw an aboriginal hardwood spear 110 metres plus (as did the original Down Under locals, putting the current javelin world of 98.48 metres into perspective); or reserve him a seat on an Athenian oar-driven vessel, whose crew could easily out-row modern oarsmen. ®

Yet we live to 70, and a Neanderthal would have been lucky to reach 25 or 30. Must be some advantage to the big brain.

(And yes, I know Neanderthals were thought to be about our brain power equals.)

The Zulu warriors of the past 19th century could run 20-30 miles, and then fight and win battles. As for the Neanderthal women, well they may have been very strong, but I'll bet they were hella ugly too.


Ez

quote:

As for the Neanderthal women, well they may have been very strong, but I'll bet they were hella ugly too.

Give us a kiss, love

Yeah, our brains are much bigger and better, but the physical feats of our ancestors are impressive. Given that we spend less time physically laboring and using our brains more, it isn't any wonder what weenies we are.

While I freely admit that I am a creationist rather than a believer in the theory of macro-evolution, I certainly believe in micro-evolution. I would submit that while we may not be the physical equals of some of the peoples of the past, would their physical prowess be enough to match up against a modern carrier battle group, armed with precision guided munitions, armed RPV's, not to mention nuclear weapons? Obviously not, so I don't feel so bad about not being able to beat Nellie Neanderthal at arm wrestling.

According to some, Neanderthals aren't here anymore because we ate them.

So much for stomping us.

quote:

We need more evidence, but this could indicate modern humans and Neanderthals were living in the same area of Europe at the same time, and that some of these interactions may have been hostile. - Chris Stringer, Natural History Museum

– Anthropologists may have solved the mystery of how the Neanderthals died out. A new study suggests they were hunted and eaten by modern human beings, reports the Guardian. The controversial theory argues that a Neanderthal jaw bone shows signs of butchering similar to the techniques humans used on deer in the Stone Age. "Neanderthals met a violent end at our hands, and in some cases we ate them," said one fossil expert.

Researchers have long disagreed over whether Neanderthals died violently or were driven to extinction when they lost the race for resources, and the study is certain to spark controversy. Even within the group, scientists disagree about the role of cannibalism. "This does not prove we systematically eradicated the Neanderthals or that we regularly ate their flesh," said one researcher. Yet the study does add another piece of evidence that Neanderthals and humans co-existed in Europe for a time.


How Did Neanderthals Die? We Ate Them

quote:

Originally posted by Echtermetzger:

quote:

As for the Neanderthal women, well they may have been very strong, but I'll bet they were hella ugly too.

Give us a kiss, love

Umm...yeah, about that...I have a headache? yeeech.


Ez

But Neanderthal men could prob stomp females, that is how they got Neanderthal kids.

I am supposed to feel bad about this? They aren't humans. A polar bear sow can kick my ass too.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
Yet we live to 70, and a Neanderthal would have been lucky to reach 25 or 30. Must be some advantage to the big brain.

(And yes, I know Neanderthals were thought to be about our brain power equals.)

Yeah...your comment about equal brain power seems to be proven regularly as I observe a couple of "watering holes" around here.

Woody

I dig the hot Neanderthal chicks, though!

Yah, but can she walk in high heels?

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
I dig the hot Neanderthal chicks, though!

Gee, is it closing time already?

quote:

Originally posted by Test1968:
According to some, Neanderthals aren't here anymore because we ate them.

So much for stomping us.

And according to many others, Neanderthals were assimilated and "bred out".
http://news.nationalgeographic...02-neanderthals.html

Neanderthal lacked the communication abilities we had. Physically, they were better at survival but due to sapiens ability to communicate, adapt and improve tools, we won.

I remember a study showing that Neanderthal used the same primitive tools throughout their existence. We've only been on this earth 1/4th of the timespan and have went from chucking spears to launching LAWS rockets.

quote:

Originally posted by Mister Joshua:

quote:

Originally posted by Test1968:
According to some, Neanderthals aren't here anymore because we ate them.

So much for stomping us.

quote:

And according to many others, Neanderthals were assimilated and "bred out".
[url=http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/08/070802-neanderthals.html]http://news.nationalgeographic...02-neanderthals.html[/url

After looking at the above picture, I cant imagine ever being that hard up...sparsely populated or not

quote:

I am supposed to feel bad about this? They aren't humans.

hey, that's speciesist

I have two bronze mail coats worn by the Moro warriors of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. One is completely mail with no interwoven plates. It weighs almost 24 pounds. This is believed to be a rather old armor as none of the long-time Pacific Island collectors from either the US or Europe who used to frequent the Great Western gun show during it's heyday had ever seen one made exclusively of mail (excpt for the buckles that closed it).

The other armor is much lighter..about 12 pounds. It is made up of bronze mail and many plates of sheet metal and waterbuffalo horn. This one can be dated with some accuracy as one of the metal plates has a US Quartermaster mark on it with the date 1900!

From shoulder to waist, the fellow who wore the sold bronze armor measured about 13 inches. The lighter, early 20th century armor measures, from shoulder to waist 15 inches.
These armors would probably fit a person who would have stood perhaps five feet tall and wieghed maybe a 100 pound.

On top of this, they would have worn a bronze helmet shaped like the Conquistador style. Bronze being heavier that steel, that would weigh something as well. Then there would have been a round wooden shield, a long spear, and a Barung, Kris sword or Kampilan..or a couple of the above. Then they would make extended fast hikes through the jungle to attack (first) the Spanish soldiers and later the American soldiers. That is some endurance there, fighting a long battle with that much weight hanging on your body after quick timing it for several miles.

quote:

Originally posted by AZ SIG shooter:
Then they would make extended fast hikes through the jungle to attack (first) the Spanish soldiers and later the American soldiers. That is some endurance there, fighting a long battle with that much weight hanging on your body after quick timing it for several miles.

And when they got to the battle, they would be shot dead by out of shape Americans wearing a cloth outfit carrying a 9 pound Krag.

I am sure that many ancient peoples were more fit than us. But we have learned to "work smarter, not harder."

Growing up, I thought Neanderthal women looked like the pic posted by PistolWhipped. Turns out they were hideous looking beasts. I was lied to!

I wouldn't want to go mano-a-mano with any caveman, woman or ape. My big brain has taught be to use Homo Big Bore Blastus instead.