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What has a thousand legs but can't walk? Jerry's kids. _____________________________________________ I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal. | |||
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Q - How can you tell the groom at a Polish wedding? A - He's the guy with the clean T shirt. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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What are a pedophiles favorite kind of shoes? White Vans! _____________________________________________ I may be a bad person, but at least I use my turn signal. | |||
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Years ago, Michael Jackson was seen hanging around a local Sears store. Sears was having a sale. Boys pants half off. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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| Page late and a dollar short |
Why did Helen Keller quit driving her car? Scared the hell out of her leader dog........... -------------------------------------—————— ————————--Ignorance is a powerful tool if applied at the right time, even, usually, surpassing knowledge(E.J.Potter, A.K.A. The Michigan Madman) | |||
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| Happiness is Vectored Thrust  |
Ok, I’ll play: What did the parents name their one-legged daughter? Eileen Where does Eileen work? IHOP Icarus flew too close to the sun, but at least he flew. | |||
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs under a car? Jack GW. | |||
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Q - How can you tell the bride at a Polish wedding? A - She's the girl with the braided hair under her armpits and sequins on her sneakers. _________________________________________________________________________ “A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.” -- Mark Twain, 1902 | |||
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Plowing straight ahead come what may |
Helen Keller was very talented...she would play the piano with one hand...and would sing with the other. ******************************************************** "we've gotta roll with the punches, learn to play all of our hunches Making the best of what ever comes our way Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition Plowing straight ahead come what may And theres a cowboy in the jungle" Jimmy Buffet | |||
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Delusions of Adequacy |
might as well stay on topic... What color was Helen Keller's bedroom painted? I don't know. She didn't know, either. My sister complained to me that her hubby told her to go make him a sandwich, and wanted a good snappy comeback. I told her, ya better come back with a damn sandwich, and make it snappy! I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm. | |||
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Q - How do you cure a Jewish girl of Nymphomania? A - Marry her. ********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them". | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm.  |
What do you call a woman with no arms or legs run over by a steamroller? Patty. | |||
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Spread the Disease |
HAHAHAH! It will be interesting to see how long this thread will last. I've got a few that would lock this in a heartbeat, so we'll start lighter. How does every black joke start? ::look left:: ::look right:: ________________________________________ -- Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. -- | |||
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chillin out |
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed, I never knew they worked. Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as a cat does. I practice Shinrin-yoku It's better to wear out than rust out Member NRA Member Georgia Carry | |||
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What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg? Irene How do you torture Helen Keller? Rearrange the furniture. How do you seperate the men from the boys in San Francisco? With a crowbar. Let all Men know thee, but no man know thee thoroughly: Men freely ford that see the shallows. Benjamin Franklin | |||
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What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, he can't come anyway. | |||
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the fireplace? Bernie! | |||
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What happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wired fence? Udder Destruction What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take it out for a drag... ___________________________ "Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..." | |||
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A Grateful American |
Wait. These are supposed to be jokes... "the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב! | |||
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Did you watch NBC this morning!!! Yeah, so did Matt Lauer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How did the suicide hotline cause Jim to date a feminist? Because when he called they told him to "pull the trigger" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Palestinians, despondent this week about losing East Jerusalem, take heart. In England we have recognised for some time the Muslim capital is East London. ============================= A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go on a hunting trip, they are walking through the woods when they spot a deer in a clearing. The physicist calculates the distance of the target, the velocity and drop of the bullet, adjusts his rifle and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the left. The engineer rolls his eyes. 'You forgot to account for wind. Give it here', he snatches the rifle, licks his finger and estimates the speed and direction of the wind and fires, missing the deer 5 feet to the right. Suddenly, the statistician claps his hands and yells "We got him!" | |||
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