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| Knows too little about too much  |
I'll start: "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States, Barack Obama." No seriously, one day the doorbell rang. The lady opened the door. There was a little boy standing there. "Ms. Smith, can Johnny come play baseball with us?" "Now Timmy, you know Johnny doesn't have any arms or legs." "I know. We just wanted to use him as second base." Your turn. RMD TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…” Remember: After the first one, the rest are free. | ||
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What do you call a man without arms and legs on a wall? Art Same guy in front of your door? Matt Same guy out in the middle of a lake? Fu*ked... ___________________________ "Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..." | |||
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Mensch |
Bob... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt" "The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris | |||
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True... Same guy in a pile of leaves? Rustle ___________________________ "Those that can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others..." | |||
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Water skiing....Skip | |||
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| Knows too little about too much |
Well, done my fellow warped! Another to move this along. A man's dying wish was to spend his last days on earth at home. One day he awoke in his bed to the smell of baking wafting up for the downstairs kitchen. Slowly, painfully, he made his ways down the stairs. Upon turning the corner, he saw his wife baking his favorite chocolate chip cookies. As he reached for one, his wife shouted "Oh no you don't!! Those are for the funeral." RMD TL Davis: “The Second Amendment is special, not because it protects guns, but because its violation signals a government with the intention to oppress its people…” Remember: After the first one, the rest are free. | |||
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Fighting the good fight |
What was the name of Helen Keller's dog? Aaaauuuuurrrrrrnmmmmmmnnnnnnggggghhhh! | |||
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Drug Dealer |
Q: Why did Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand? A: She used the right one to moan with. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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| Member |
What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls or a truck full of dead babies? A truck full of dead babies, you can use a pitchfork. I've stopped counting. | |||
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| Dances With Tornados |
Yo momma so fat....her blood type is gravy. The worst part of eating vegetables? Getting her back in the wheel chair. Man that one is sickkkkkk! | |||
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| Drug Dealer |
Q: What does oral sex with a 80YO woman taste like? A: Depends When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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| No ethanol! |
What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy ------------------ The plural of anecdote is not data. -Frank Kotsonis | |||
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| Drug Dealer |
^ ^ ^ Haaaa! Stolen. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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Fortified with Sleestak |
Sorry I wasn't done with the beginning jokes.. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs on a construction site? Phil I have the heart of a lion.......and a lifetime ban from the Toronto Zoo.- Unknown | |||
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| Unapologetic Old School Curmudgeon  |
In a lion cage? Claude Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day | |||
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| Unapologetic Old School Curmudgeon |
It is better to have a dead skunk on your piano than a diseased beaver on your organ Don't weep for the stupid, or you will be crying all day | |||
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| Drug Dealer |
A man and his wife were driving on a back country road in a snow storm. They noticed a skunk that was half frozen and rescued him, wrapped him up in a blanket, and placed him between the wife's thighs to warm him up. Her: What are we going to do with him? Him: Keep him for a while, I guess. Her: But what about the odor? Him: He'll probably get used to it. When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw | |||
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| 4-H Shooting Sports Instructor  |
Twins next to your Window.... Kurt... and Rod _______________________________ 'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but > because he loves what is behind him.' G. K. Chesterton NRA Endowment Life member NRA Pistol instructor...and Range Safety instructor Women On Target Instructor. | |||
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| Three Generations of Service  |
More true than cruel, but... Why do women have two sets of lips? So they can piss and moan at the same time. Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. | |||
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Certified Plane Pusher |
You know the difference between a prositute and a child? *wait for the “I don’t know” You sick bastard. Situation awareness is defined as a continuous extraction of environmental information, integration of this information with previous knowledge to form a coherent mental picture in directing further perception and anticipating future events. Simply put, situational awareness mean knowing what is going on around you. | |||
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