My wife and I have been invited by good friends to attend their upcoming Jewish Seder celebration. Not being Jewish and never before having attended one, we're looking for some advice.

What are the do's and/or don't's, or protocols we should follow or be aware of to fully appreciate and enjoy the celebration with our friends and to avoid offending those in attendance?

Your help and advice, please!

I've so often enjoyed celebrating a variety of holidays with good friends. learning a little more about each other's culture, sharing a little wine and enjoying some great conversation.

I found this website that to my surprise was pretty informative.

https://reformjudaism.org/what-expect-passover-seder

It's a holiday filled with symbolism. One which delves into understanding where we came from and where we're going. The transition from the horrors of slavery to becoming a unified people with a common destiny. A reaffirmation of right over wrong. A celebration of life and liberty and dignity. I think that's one of the many reasons for Jews finding such promise in America.

The holiday is a time to be with family and friends and rejoice in friendship. It's a time for story telling and sharing history with the next generation.

Foods and customs might differ significantly depending upon culture and upbringing. Eastern Europeans might have very different practices and traditions as compared to North Africans, Asians, the devout from the reform etc. Don't worry too much about it, its a holiday meant to be shared.

There are a number of defined dietary restrictions so the easiest gift might be something simple like a bouquet of flowers or a kosher for passover wine and maybe some kosher chocolates or candies for the children.

The Last Supper if i recall took place on Passover and some Muslims celebrate a day of fasting around the time of exodus.

It is generally advocated (not mandated) that you share 4 glasses of wine during the celebration...so take the requisite safety precautions (small glasses, eat a lot, don't drink and drive etc.).

There are no leavened breads, hence the Matzoh. The story we were always told was that there was no time to allow the bread to leaven (rise) as they escaped to freedom, hence the flat/dry matzoh. A taste of salt and some bitter herbs symbolize the bitterness and tears of slavery. A sweet and thick Jam or Preserve symbolizes the mortar used to build the pyramids. Eggs symbolize a new beginning.....and so many other neat little such experiences.

I've had very simple seders and very ornate fancy 5 star meals. Each family according to their traditions.

Hope this helps a little

This message has been edited. Last edited by: m.tenenhaus,

quote:

Originally posted by Fdan:
My wife and I have been invited by good friends to attend their upcoming Jewish Seder celebration. Not being Jewish and never before having attended one, we're looking for some advice.

What are the do's and/or don't's, or protocols we should follow or be aware of to fully appreciate and enjoy the celebration with our friends and to avoid offending those in attendance?

Your help and advice, please!

The purpose of the Seder is to tell, and remember, the story of the escape from slavery in Egypt. The telling is traditionally triggered by the asking of the Four Questions: these questions are asked by the youngest child present, who is old enough to learn the questions and ask them. Basically, the questions prompt the head of the household to tell the story.

Another tradition is to open the home and invite outside guests to the Seder, so you are helping to maintain that tradition.

Listen, learn, participate, and enjoy. If you do this, you won't offend. Just don't steal the afikomen.

M.Tenenhaus mentioned jam or preserves. I think that he might be referring to haroset, which in my family was a thick mixture of chopped nuts, honey, and maybe some other stuff that I can't remember.

SigMonkey might be along soon to add his comments.

If it's anything like my family's then you'll be handed an Haggadah (set of instructions with Hebrew and English) and a hat. Put the hat on, and follow book. Enjoy a few glasses of wine and good food.

If you want to bring something, bring kosher for Passover wine or macaroons.

Eat before you go.

I can only speak for my family's customs, but our Passover seder is good food and good fun. It is a time of celebration, and not a somber occasion. We do a traditional service, but it is somewhat lighthearted, and we don't take ourselves too seriously. Southern reform jews here. If your friends are more strict, the service could definitely be less fun.

You really don't need to worry about offending. Bring yourself and pay attention-that's all. If you want to bring something, bring flowers, or as others have said, wine that is kosher for Passover. Be aware, kosher for Passover is not the same as simply kosher. I wouldn't try to bring food.

Enjoy yourself.

First and foremost - don't bring anything un-kosher for Passover.

As others have said, at the Seder we recount the story of the exodus from slavery in Egypt to freedom. The movie "The Ten Commandments", with Charlton Heston and Yule Brynner, was essentially a glorified telling of that story.


V-Tail mentioned Harosetz, every family has their own recipe for Harosetz, or as we like to call it, "the mortar of our affliction". It represents the mortar for the bricks that the slaves used to build monuments and buildings in ancient Egypt. There is no exact recipe, that's why the quantities are all approximates. Here's mine:

3 to 4 red delicious apples, cored and cut up
10 to 15 black figs with stems cut off
10 to 15 pitted dates
approx 1/2 cup of chopped walnuts or pecans
8 to 10 chocolate macaroons
approx 1/2 cup of sweet concord grape wine (Manischewitz is good)

Put all ingredients into a food processor and run it until you have a thick paste - just like mortar.

It goes good on a piece of regular square matzoh, even better on a piece of shmurah matzoh with a little freshly grated horseradish. (The horseradish is to remember the bitter pain of slavery.)


Above all, I hope you enjoy yourselves.
And don't drink too much wine.

I'm not Jewish but I was invited to a Seder a number of years ago by my ex-GF's sister (who is much more religious than the ex-GF). I didn't know anything about it at all, but she told me to just go by the script - a printed set of instructions and things to say. It turned out that I was the only male at the table (it was a large gathering, not just a single family) and as such was expected to "lead" the activities at our table. Everybody there was very friendly and not a single eyebrow was raised at the presence of a non-Jew (or course it's entirely possible that she didn't tell anyone that part ). It was quite educational. And, Palooka84's advice isn't bad - the amount of food consumed isn't all that much (the whole thing isn't so much about eating as about - as others have said - celebrating) - so eating a little ahead of time might be good.

Expert and Palooka must have been at Seders that were very different from my family's Seders.

Nobody ever went away hungry from ours!

My grandmother came from the tradition of "first you'll eat, then we'll talk."

I've been to two, and they were drastically different from each other. One - all the food was good. Other - not so much.

As far as what "to do" - each time, they told me what to do. I learned a lot and it was fun.

If you bring wine make sure it's kosher. Also make sure is NOT Manischewitz.

As V-Tail stated "Family Seders" are a lot like "Thanksgiving" dinners.

Lots of family, food and not so rigid.

"Community Seders" tend to be a bit more formal and structured, and the Haggadah, (Order) is closely followed.

They tend to be more like a large wedding reception, where a "host" may read the entire Haggadah and responsive reading.

Both are great for learning, experiencing and fulfilling the Mitzvah of "Telling/Remembering" our captivity and our redemption.

Some families will attend the First Seder in synagogue/community center and the second Seder at home.

Some only attend community Seder, and others only observe at home.

That said, those who have not attended one, and you are offered a "Home invite", do not miss out on that!

And for those who would like to attend, contact your local Synagogue, as most are open to anyone wanting to attend, although some are "closed" due to seating/serving, and others may request fee to attend to cover cost of food. and venue.

Oh, and figure about 3-4 hours time for community Seder, to answer the "Four Questions", and maybe 6-8 hours for the "family" style, as the second will likely be a whole lot of questions and discussion about the order.

Don't expect a ham.

Maybe read a little summary about the Seder dinner. Then just go and enjoy it. You will.

quote:

Don't expect a ham.

Oy . . .

Thanks to all who have responded. We now have some ideas on what to expect and are really looking forward to the celebration.

what they said. put on a kippah (yarmulah, ie hat). try the food. educate yourself before hand on the seder plate and the story.

prepare to be looking at a lot of food for a while before you can eat it.

Go and enjoy yourself, books are handed out and you can read it in English while someone may be saying it in Hebrew. I have found that depending where you go, it can be a long and drawn out affair or not so long. It is enjoyable. Recline and drink the wine.