quote:

I probably shouldn't have even said anything. damn.

You said something because at some level it bothers you.

You said something because even if we don't see each other, those of us here are friends and a community.

What you see in this thread is that people here care. To have colleagues and acquaintances who may become friends, you have to be willing to expose a little of yourself to potential pain. That's hard to do. My youngest daughter is a bit of a loner. She just started her freshman year of college in Tampa and it's a shock for her, but she is figuring out that so far, she likes it. I am worried about her, ut I think she is going to be fine.

Getting out will be a bit of a shock to your system, and you have clearly been hurt before. If the gym isn't your thing because working out alone doesn't irritate you and some at the gym do, find something else.

Personally, given my preferences, I would either join a road bike group or shoot IDPA at my local range. IDPA is once a month here. Not much of a commitment, and it's individual competition, but you do meet people doing something you like to do.

No one here can answer what will work for you, but everyone who commented in the thread did so because they give a damn about other members here.

We give a damn about you.

Good luck. I hope you find peace, but more importantly, happiness.

Art

Happy birthday to you, from a friend in the forum family. I care about you, and I'll wager everybody here does too.

First, Happy Belated Birthday.

Second, since you are in the mood to become less round, perhaps look into something like this:
(I have zero affiliation with the below link, I just googled baltimore kickboxing- I am from outside Boston)

http://mobile.baltimoremartial...F&utm_referrer=#3021

I joined the dojo my son studies at, and found a combo Krav Maga/ kickboxing-style workout both entertaining and stress-relieving. Working out as a team has made it so much easier.

(First time going kinda public with this
When I joined I was 280.4 pounds. May 7, 2017. Between changing my diet, becoming more active, and making like-minded friends there, I have lost 42.2 pounds (as of last weight check two weeks ago) and am coming off my bp meds. I am currently dealing with a badly torn meniscus, arthritis of the knee, and patellar crepitus as well- so I DO make some adjustments and modifications to what our crew is doing- but it's all good.

I found our dojo to be completely non-judgmental and incredibly supportive. Finding the right "family" of friends is amazingly helpful. The group consists of persons from 16 years old to 81, from super-fit to round. From nimble to plodding. We all help each other through to our goals, and celebrate the successes.

I'd rather spend time with them than any of my previous acquaintances.

The Scouts are always looking for adult volunteers as well- be it direct involvement or at a council level.

Thank you for speaking out! If I can be of any help or an ear to listen, please send me an email with "SigForum" in the subject so it doesn't get deleted.

Be well, and know this community has its members here for you too!

I appreciate the advice. And the well-wishes/birthday thoughts as well.

I normally don't post a lot here even though it's my most frequented and active forum. Usually by the time I see a post others have given the answer so no point me chiming in. This forum has helped a bunch of folks with issues over the years I've been here.

Thanks

quote:

Originally posted by FenderBender:
Join the Shriners

Then attend a Shriner's Convention where you will meet many young women..............

Hookers.

Have you considered doing any competitive shooting? It's a blast. If you're interested in a very, very friendly match there is one I do once a month in fredicksburg VA, and one at MCB quantico I do either once or twice a month.

I'd love to have some company and lunch is on me if you decide to make the drive.

Loneliness is terrible, but being around people is no guarantee that it will end the loneliness.

I hate hearing of your siuation, but do chose your friends wisely, 1 good friend is worth more than 50 flaky, fair weather friend.
.
For many years, I had a friend , I never failed to listen to his personal problems, and offer advice. However, if I discussed something personal, or even tried to engage him about advice, he changed subjects.

Thats okay, but it showed me, that friend only wanted to talk about the good times, our friendship ceased this year.

We in Sig Forum are listening to you.

A dog might work wonders, if you like pets. You can take so many different types of classes with it, as well as just walking it around the neighborhood. Whenever I take classes with my dogs, especially the advanced classes like agility and obedience, I really find a small community of folks who start encouraging each other to do better, and meet up to train, etc. - complete strangers and from all walks of life. I don't mean Petco, I mean a serious private training facility (if you do this, get a reasonably bright, agreeable dog, don't get a disaster in the making, you want to make friends, not frighten people off . Ask us if you want to learn more- could be a mutt, certainly, just not a snarling, frightened, cowering dog, I don't want to make things worse).

Church is very personal- I think it's taken me 20 years to find another pastor I liked enough to attend even semiregularly, and trust me, they love volunteers! You'd make friends quickly if you were available and sincere.

The other posters are right, we all care enough to post. You aren't alone. This place in itself is a community and Para makes it so- frankly, it's the only forum I belong to.

As far as your son goes, you need to teach him the importance of special occasions, including your birthday. This is a social skill. If he is an only, like yourself, unless he makes connections and builds relationships, he could be sitting where you are in 30 years. I'm an introvert by nature, so this sort of thing is hard for me, but I really try with my only son, because I do want him to develop lasting friendships. Lucky for us, he's an extrovert (at least, for now). See if your arrangement will allow for more time with him. Please keep us posted in this thread as to how things are going. We care.

Thats the thing, I was not an only. Just the only one willing to leave the craphole of that church. I ran away and was living on my own.

I had become an extrovert over the years, I could talk to anyone and was good with people and crowds. Until all this.

I'm worried about my son in a different way. He is an only, but lives with his mother. She has brothers with kids that are his age. He's around other people and kids a lot. They have a close-knit family that is all about what they can get from others. Other than the ex the whole family makes their living off a convenience store. They been busted for selling alcohol to minors, buying food stamps for thirty cent on the dollar and other things. They will likely eventually get in trouble for tax evasion. She has the same manipulative what's in it for me attitude they do. It worked well for her, I paid for a lot of her Bachelors degree and the state paid for the masters. And she's gotten a lot out of me over the years. She's claiming she's never had a pay raise since she started as a first year teacher and she just took over as Principal of the tech high school. I don't want him to end up with that attitude, but I am already seeing signs of it.

What are your interests and hobbies, other than rum and reading? Any bucket list things you've considered?

My hobbies used to include shooting at least twice a week and off-roading.

My bucket list would be to do Moab and the Rubicon before they are closed. Maybe find some of the old mining towns out in the boonies of the southwest. That is years away if ever. Any bucket list type thing i would have isn't likely soon. The thing I'd like most is to have a normal life and have someone to finish out my life with. Already know that's not happening so its off the list.

Maybe take up a class or two at the community college. A fun class like cooking or automotive.

How about photography? You can meet a lot of folks that way.

Biking will allow you to meet people (group rides) and see new things.

How about taking up a martial art? Those groups tend to bond very quick.

Can you plan an instrument? Maybe the guitar, it's never too late to learn. Then go to open mic nights. I've never been to an open mic where people judged because it's all in good fun. Great way to meet people.

Buddy357,
I'm a bit on the other side, by choice.
I disowned my family & haven't seen or spoken to my folks or anyone in my family in ten years.
Except for a sister in New England who posts a "like" on something on my Facebook page 2-3 times a year.

I am married, no kids by our choosing.
But the thought does come to the forefront every now & then of what would I do if she passed away.
I don't do well by myself.
I got into the VFW and joined a motorcycle club to expand my "friend & extended family" base.
I can only recommend that you find a way to serve your community or your local veterans and you will see your time filled by individuals who truly appreciate you.
It will take time but people who are in your situation or very close to it tend to find each other and hang out.
But I've found it's best to not look for that & just serve a purpose.
Close friends will come if you're open & friendly.
I unfortunately tend to be more open than friendly !

Happy belated birthday buddy. Loneliness is such a hard thing but you've received some great advice here. God Bless and stay well friend.
Joe

Also, down the road you can maybe look forward to grandkids and getting involved in their lives.

I live far from my family and we are not very close knit. I have a large group of friends that I have made over the last 30 years. Both the "Friday night dinner every week" and the "Thanksgiving dinner every year" kinds of friends. The nice thing about friends is that you get to pick them.


Get a new hobby.

Scuba diving
Boating
Fishing
IDPA
Backpacking
Photography
Volunteering
Motorcycles
Along with many other suggestions in this thread.

Stop making excuses and pick one. Close your eyes and point. Start a new hobby and look up like minded people. As mentioned, "meet up" is a good place to start.

And Happy Birthday shipmate.

buddy357,

I think I remember when you were asking the forum about where to live in the Baltimore area. Where did you end up settling? What kind of service work do you do?

I've been through that, and my recommendation is to look deeply at your self and try not to be overly self absorbed. Try to be the best person you can each and every daty, understand that the world does not revolve around yourself, and things should work out.

Family, friends, all that is second rate as compared to being in love with a woman. Keep that in mind, as you can be lonely as hell if you expect your friends to fill that important gap. I think someone often comes along when you least expect it, and usually when you are not actively looking for it.

quote:

Originally posted by c1steve:
I've been through that, and my recommendation is to look deeply at your self and try not to be overly self absorbed. Try to be the best person you can each and every daty, understand that the world does not revolve around yourself, and things should work out.

Family, friends, all that is second rate as compared to being in love with a woman. Keep that in mind, as you can be lonely as hell if you expect your friends to fill that important gap. I think someone often comes along when you least expect it, and usually when you are not actively looking for it.

Kind words. Good advice for all of us. Especially men like us who have lost our whole families in death. I lost my Nephew, Sister, Father, and Mother, all in the same year. I know of what you speak.

There is one caveat, or more a word of caution, maybe. You are in a vulnerable state. The only thing worse than being lonely, alone, and in a dark place, is being married, and being lonely, alone, and in a dark place. Keep your wits about you.

Besides, you have many, many, invisible friends that have lost what you have lost, and are probably better friends than what your visible friends are. This place is family (or maybe an asylum, I haven't figured that out yet).

H&K-Guy