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A question of what's right and proper Login/Join 
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Picture of konata88
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I think Mr should have requested his money back when he backed out if his intention was a refund. If the funds were sunk and not refundable, then it was forfeited when he suggested someone else go in his place without immediately and explicitly indicating that someone purchase his reservation.

If he expected money, he should have sold the reservations to someone himself. Regarding the BFF, "we have these travel reservations and Mr decided not to go. Wanna come in his place? Tix are already paid for." To me, that would sound like a gift, especially if it's commonly known the bff couldn't otherwise afford it.




"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." - B.Franklin
"Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it." L.Tolstoy
 
Posts: 6083 | Location: In the gilded cage | Registered: December 09, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
Picture of Rey HRH
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I vote other. If he expected the other person to pay for his half, he should have made it clear from the beginning.

All Mr. said was, "I'm not going. Find someone else to go with you."

She found someone else to go with her. Period.

Trying to make the BFF pay after the fact is ptting the BFF on the spot. If the BFF knew beforehand she was going to pay, then she could have elected not to go or go.

I that people who just simply assume and put burdens on others after the fact.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 12862 | Location: Bay Area, CA | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Wanna Missile
Picture of tanksoldier
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quote:
"I'm not going. Find someone else to go with you."


Sounds like he gave up the money to me but I'd have to hear more to be sure.

Exactly what was said during "tense discussions"?



"I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight."
GEN George S. Patton, Jr.
 
Posts: 21308 | Location: 9200 ft in Colorado | Registered: January 25, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Hmmm..... the right thing to do was to blow off the trip altogether. No one go.
But, since that did not happen, the Dude loses.


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Posts: 4992 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Age Quod Agis
Picture of ArtieS
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Mr. Gave it up; his loss.

BFF should have offered, before the trip, to reimburse to the level of her ability, although if it was offered to her as "Mr. had these tickets and reservations and doesn't want them, he told me to take someone else, do you want to go?" It's pretty hard to fault her.



We may consent to be governed, but we will not be ruled. - Kevin D. Williamson, 2012
 
Posts: 8135 | Location: Central Florida | Registered: November 02, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
Picture of 12131
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They're both wrong. The discussion should have happened before the trip, not after. Smile






 
Posts: 12619 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of HayesGreener
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Mr and Mrs need to work it out between themselves, it is unfair for the friend to have the squeeze put on her after the fact if she was offered a free trip. Every cruise ship has passengers who could not afford it and would not be there had they not been given free passage from a friend or relative, so it's a common enough occurrence. He needs to let it go.


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Posts: 1709 | Location: Florida Panhandle | Registered: September 27, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of JohnCourage
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I would prepare myself to cover the cost of the trip.

That being said I believe it speaks to the lack of character from the BFF that there was no offer to compensate in some kind of way. Even A token of thanks or a gesture that let you know what the vacation meant to BFF.


JC
 
Posts: 716 | Location: Roswell, GA | Registered: June 27, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Nullus Anxietas
Picture of ensigmatic
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From the limited evidence presented it sounds like Mr. is being a royal jerk--twice (at least).




"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system,,,, but too early to shoot the bastards." -- Claire Wolfe
 
Posts: 11009 | Location: S.E. Michigan | Registered: January 06, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Can't believe this wasn't discussed ahead of time.

-------------------------------


Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
 
Posts: 5729 | Location: Eastern NC | Registered: September 20, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
semi-reformed sailor
Picture of MikeinNC
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Mr. should have discussed costs to the trip PRIOR to the BFF going with Mrs.

Trip is on him and he's an ass for bringing it up after the fact. He's just contributing to the already problem in his relationship...



"Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, Starship Troopers


 
Posts: 4440 | Location: 35-46.02N 077-55.54W | Registered: October 07, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of jbcummings
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Doesn't matter what's right and proper. There's not enough evidence here to really know and I suspect unless you're Mr, you probably don't know either. There is no telling what was said when you weren't around.

The best advice I can offer is stay out of this. It's going to be messy and you don't want to get in the middle of it by offering a judgement one way or another. Be supportive of your friend, but let him make his own decisions.


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Posts: 3258 | Location: N. Texas | Registered: May 21, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Just for the
hell of it
Picture of comet24
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Was there absolutely no discussions before the trip took place.

This is when such a discussions should have happened. It a shitty position to bring this up after. I would expect the BFF would have asked before the trip if any payment was expected before agreeing to go on the trip.

This sounds like a mess all around.


_____________________________________

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Posts: 13797 | Registered: March 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Official Space Nerd
Picture of Hound Dog
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quote:
Originally posted by JohnCourage:
I would prepare myself to cover the cost of the trip.

That being said I believe it speaks to the lack of character from the BFF that there was no offer to compensate in some kind of way. Even A token of thanks or a gesture that let you know what the vacation meant to BFF.


Yeah, but we don't KNOW what Mrs told BFF. If Mrs said "Hey, free trip - wanna go?", then BFF is under NO obligation to pay back. Maybe BFF DID offer Mrs financial compensation, but Mrs turned it down? We don't know.

There is simply not enough info to form an informed decision. We are all filling in the blanks with our own guesses and suppositions; many of which are false.



No arsenal is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.
Ronald Reagan
 
Posts: 19381 | Location: Hobbiton, The Shire, Middle Earth | Registered: September 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of konata88
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Sounds like what we do know is that Mrs didn't expect bff to pay. Nuff said?




"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." - B.Franklin
"Wrong does not cease to be wrong because the majority share in it." L.Tolstoy
 
Posts: 6083 | Location: In the gilded cage | Registered: December 09, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by jbcummings:

...The best advice I can offer is stay out of this. It's going to be messy and you don't want to get in the middle of it by offering a judgement one way or another. Be supportive of your friend, but let him make his own decisions.


Yep. What we have here is a failure to communicate, don't get dragged into it.
 
Posts: 11981 | Location: Eastern Iowa | Registered: May 21, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
No ethanol!
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Like previously mentioned, if Mr wanted some reimbursement it needed brought up first. Then I would have some sympathy for the request.

Asking afterwards might be OK, but you'd have to accept the answer.


------------------
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
 
Posts: 914 | Location: Berks Co PA | Registered: December 20, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of DougE
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All I can say is that if I was BFF and knew I'd be travelling on the money MR had contributed to the trip fund, I'd have been, like, "yeah, thanks, but NOOOOOO."

Whether or not MR is a jerkoff doesn't really have any bearing on it to me. No way I'd have put myself in the middle of that shit.



Criminals obey "gun control" laws in the same manner politicians follow their oaths of office. – Anonymous

 
Posts: 789 | Location: Richmond, KY | Registered: February 02, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
is circumspective
Picture of vinnybass
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I agree, Mr. Dude got it wrong.

He should be glad Mrs. picked a girlfriend when he told her "Find someone else to go."
 
Posts: 3853 | Location: Las Vegas, NV. | Registered: May 30, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Avoiding
slam fires
Picture of 45 Cal
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All I got is a divorce is in the works shortly.
Happen to me after 20 years,separate vacations mean someone is fooling around.
 
Posts: 21008 | Location: Georgia | Registered: February 19, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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