quote:

Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.

This does not sound like a good idea.

quote:

Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.

Screw that. If you've ever experienced personally what a stalker is capable of, you would not be giving this advice. A very good friend of mine was murdered when some asshole couldn't accept that she wanted nothing to do with him.

Don't take this person for granted. Ignore him but remain vigilant.

He may be a pest or she may be right that he is a stalker. Don't know what states are involved but laws vary on this kind of thing. If he persists it may become a stalker case therefore I would make a report on the chance that it escalates. I would not have her communicate with him-if anyone reaches out to him let it be a 3rd party like a lawyer, police, or PI. LE or a PI could track him down by his phone number and give him a warning to leave her alone.

Ignore it but don’t block the number just in case he blows a gasket. Then he’ll be up for a visit from the police.

quote:

Originally posted by Outnumbered:

quote:

Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt by not automatically assuming he's wacko. She doesn't want to have a conversation with him, that's the point. She's a more than a little freaked out that he's done this, more than once now. The options we/she listed above are all she's interested in. Choices A, B, or C. Then you suggest choice ZXF3.1d? No offense, but how does that make any sense? Are you him?

If she doesn't want to have a conversation, then that's the answer. It's doesn't seem complicated.

quote:

Originally posted by Outnumbered:

quote:

Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt by not automatically assuming he's wacko. She doesn't want to have a conversation with him, that's the point. She's a more than a little freaked out that he's done this, more than once now. The options we/she listed above are all she's interested in. Choices A, B, or C. Then you suggest choice ZXF3.1d? No offense, but how does that make any sense? Are you him?

Your wife is right. She knows more than you. She has first-hand knowledge. Listen to her. I'm surprised it's the husband (you) giving the creep any benefit of the doubt.

I'm just forcibly making myself keep an open mind - my gut feeling is likely more pessimistic than hers.

Ignore it.

And if her VM has her name/voice on it, I'd change that immediately.

Wouldn't block it, this could keep you from valuable details into his future plans.

Out of curiosity, how far away do you think he is?

Initially I would ignore it and not respond - responding confirms it is her and that she will respond.

If he continues I would contact him (you the husband - maybe from a public phone in a police station - if there is such a thing these days) and politely tell him to stop. I would not let her engage with him, even for a no thanks. I would give it a bit to ensure he stopped and then block the number.

He may be a great guy, although a little slow to catch on, just looking to see if she is available. Trying to rekindle something that never was and possibly finally getting to bone her. I doubt he is looking to see if she has any new thoughts on astro-physics since college.

I’d say ignore it also.

MDS

quote:

Originally posted by Outnumbered:
I'm just forcibly making myself keep an open mind - my gut feeling is likely more pessimistic than hers.

I understand what you are doing and while I think that is admirable on a certain level, listen to your gut and to the advice of the majority here. I think most everyone has said to ignore his text, at a minimum. If it were me, I would also look him up on Facebook in order to at least have an idea what he looks like now just in case he tries to come around.


.

I can't understand why you'd even remotely entertain the thought of letting him know he's got the right number

The first time, right after college when he looked her up...that is the "benefit of a doubt" one IMO.

15 years after that, kuhreepy! It doesn't matter though, if she has no desire to talk to him, ignore, block, etc.

Tiger makes a good point, I would want to know what he looks like and where he lives to gauge the odds of him showing up and to know if you see him lurking.

quote:

Originally posted by Keystoner:
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Your wife can have a normal conversation with him. A lot of maturity can happen after 15 years.

This is not a good idea. This is not rational behavior for a grown man in my opinion. You’re wife has let him know in the past she’s not interested and this guy, won’t let it go for some reason. I would not return the text message.

I agree with just ignore it. Maybe change her voicemail to nothing personal so that if he calls he won’t have confirmation it’s her.

If he does have a screw loose, I wouldn’t want to provoke him, but this doesn’t seem threatening on its face. I’ll add that if he wasn’t “somewhat on the persistent side” in college he would definitely not be normal!

If things ended amicably it doesn’t seem abnormal to reach out occasionally, as long as he takes no for an answer. I’m assuming she’s never said “leave me alone and stop contacting me”.

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
Ignore it but don’t block the number just in case he blows a gasket. Then he’ll be up for a visit from the police.

FYI on iphones they can still call and leave a message, you just don't see it unless you look into "Blocked Voicemail".

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:

quote:

Originally posted by PowerSurge:
Ignore it but don’t block the number just in case he blows a gasket. Then he’ll be up for a visit from the police.

FYI on iphones they can still call and leave a message, you just don't see it unless you look into "Blocked Voicemail".

Correct. But if the guy sends her a threatening text, she won’t receive it if his number is blocked.

Your wife sounds like a reasonable person, so I get why she listed options #2 and 3.

But I would suggest she do what the Chief recommends. (HayesGreener)

If that fails, cannoli are cheap...

We've changed the voice-mail to a standard numeric read-back computer greeting, and will not block his number, in case he makes repeated attempts; so we can document.

I'll also reach out to local LEO friends - we're close with the County Chief Deputy, City Detective, and County DA. I hope that all of this is a way overboard precaution, but one can never be too careful. We've also saved current pictures available online, in case he "happens to" be in the area; he seems to live a few hours away, and has no ties to our city, so that would be the be all end all red flag!

I use numberbarn.com, to host my old number. It will forward phone calls, and texts, eventually.

It, and my work number, are the only two I ever give out.

Less than 20 people have my cell number, and most of those are employees/close family, with strict instructions not to give it out.

I suggest that, as it means her old number would no longer have a location associated with it, and it makes robo-scammers easy to block.

With all that said, it seems very odd from a casual dating partner.