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Picture of ersatzknarf
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My auntie sent me these Smile



1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.




 
Posts: 4917 | Registered: June 06, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
delicately calloused
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Sum of those are good. Big Grin



You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier
 
Posts: 29607 | Location: Highland, Ut. | Registered: May 07, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of ersatzknarf
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LOL ! Cool




 
Posts: 4917 | Registered: June 06, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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26. A snail removed its shell, hoping to be faster, but it only made him more sluggish.
 
Posts: 324 | Location: Columbus OH | Registered: February 20, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of ersatzknarf
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Ooooohhh!

Very good Big Grin




 
Posts: 4917 | Registered: June 06, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Comic Relief
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The receptionist at the clinic answered the phone, “Urology. Can you hold?”
 
Posts: 4816 | Location: Indianapolis, IN | Registered: September 28, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I love puns!




 
Posts: 11744 | Location: Western Oklahoma | Registered: June 18, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Main Thing Is
Not To Get Excited
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Delightful, thanks


_______________________

 
Posts: 6354 | Location: Washington | Registered: November 06, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dances With
Tornados
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Those who ignore the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
 
Posts: 11812 | Registered: October 26, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Political Cynic
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Smile



[B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC


 
Posts: 53085 | Location: Tucson Arizona | Registered: January 16, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Delusions of Adequacy
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a pun is the shortest distance between two straight lines.




I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
 
Posts: 17944 | Location: Virginia | Registered: June 02, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Please stop this brutal punishment!


"Crom is strong! If I die, I have to go before him, and he will ask me, 'What is the riddle of steel?' If I don't know it, he will cast me out of Valhalla and laugh at me."
 
Posts: 6641 | Registered: September 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
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This message has been edited. Last edited by: egregore,
 
Posts: 27834 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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