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Honky Lips |
I don't got for corporatese, and I've got the vocabulary to beat people over the head who use it and I do. | |||
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His Royal Hiney |
Oh, man. That just struck me as funny. "So, Fredward, let's work on your career development plan. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" "On my porch, sitting on my rocking chair." When I was asked, I answered, "Hopefully, still gainfully employed." "It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946. | |||
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| Member |
Or out an 8th story window. | |||
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| Member |
as one of our corporate lingo-loving managers was leaving the company last year, I wrote him this in an email: "don't forget to leverage your integrated synergies with a bias towards vertical velocity in an effort to affect an ongoing cascade of knowledge based data which meets or exceeds all expectations." | |||
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Political Cynic |
'paradigm shift' [B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC | |||
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| Member |
My wife just left a job because of nonsense like this. The owner came up with a set of "principals" for everyone to abide by. Everyone was required to use key words from these principles in their daily interactions, while speaking and in emails. And if that wasn't bad enough the owner hired a culture coach to make sure everyone was in compliance. On more example of the good job that turned sour. No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.- Mark Twain | |||
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| Each post crafted from rich Corinthian leather  |
This was noted in a separate, earlier thread as well, but one that I found humorous on first hearing was: "bio-break" or "health-break." Substituting, of course, for "bathroom break." Good gravy. I now use "bio-break" just to annoy my cohorts at work...I mean, my fellow associates in the wheelhouse.  "The sea was angry that day, my friends - like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli." - George Costanza | |||
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| Honky Lips |
bio break came from gaming, as its faster to type. | |||
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| Member |
"Be right back, gotta drop a deuce" | |||
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is circumspective |
Drill-down is the one making me nuts right now. "We're all travelers in this world. From the sweet grass to the packing house. Birth 'til death. We travel between the eternities." | |||
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| Resident Reactionary |
I would like to punch the "project champion" in the taint... Peter 5:8 | |||
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Member |
A group of us used to play "bullshit bingo" during conference calls led by mid-level executives. those guys were the most clueless people in the corporation (think BIG tech corporation). gathered around a telephone on speaker, we would hit the mute button, and fill in bingo sheets full of all the stupid bullshit lingo being thrown out in real time from the phone. it was a great way to make fun of all those clueless executives. the division was drowning in profits, and the management chain was anything but shallow, hence the breadth of incompetence. those guys would come and go, and the ones who used the most creative lingo believed themselves to be the best. it was very funny, and those guys were universally despised at our level (the tech consultants actually bringing in the money doing the heavy lifting). Lover of the US Constitution Wile E. Coyote School of DIY Disaster | |||
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Ammoholic |
At least you don't have to drilldown on your core competencies. Jesse Sic Semper Tyrannis | |||
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| Something wild is loose  |
Let me get my reorg boots on.... "And gentlemen in England now abed, shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day" | |||
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| Good enough is neither good, nor enough |
I work in consulting and the hot new words are "pivot" and "excercise new muscles". I don't do consultant speak, but I do play one on tv. There are 3 kinds of people, those that understand numbers and those that don't. | |||
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| Bodhisattva |
This thread has made me even happier than I already was that I don't have to deal with that bullshit. I did hear a low level mgmt type once refer to an air tool as a "rotary screw installation tool." He explained that corporate didn't want them to say "gun" anymore. I gave him the same look that scared Carl above. He never said it again (in my presence, at least). | |||
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| Member |
Yeah I heard that. Construction language is simpler and colorful, like wacky packers and bull pricks to refer to various machines. I am sure someone will come up with better corporate speak for them. | |||
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Coin Sniper |
We are currently working to gain alignment: 1. No one is willing to make a decision 2. Everyone involved has a different opinion, there is no chance at a quick decision for a while A Watch Out: A problem that no one has the guts to call a problem, so watch out and make sure it isn't you that gets bit. Pronoun: His Royal Highness and benevolent Majesty of all he surveys 343 - Never Forget Its better to be Pavlov's dog than Schrodinger's cat There are three types of mistakes; Those you learn from, those you suffer from, and those you don't survive. | |||
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Not really from Vienna |
My sister uses a bunch of these when she "reaches out" to me. Barf. | |||
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| Ermagherd, 10 Mirrimerter!  |
I've heard optics and internal customer recently. Wtf is an "internal customer", if I have to cater to coworkers every whim all day, I won't have any time for real customers I quit school in elementary because of recess.......too many games --Riff Raff-- | |||
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