"Reach out" and any superfluous adverbial phrase: "We're ACTUALLY across the street" from the action, the defense "ACTUALLY" did not take the stand....

I guess mine is more "Media" speak, or what serves as word count, nowadays.

On quarterly evals, is it really necessary to note whether or not the "associate" "lives the values" "within their core role" "within their metrics"?

Looking at it from the macro, or rather from 30,000, (30000 WHAT?) maybe the cc group should get a room and go wide on this point. My baby's momma works in management for a humongous company, so I hear this stuff as part of daily household speech.

And yeah, some of this is splattering over into the L/E field, it seems.

4 years til retirement. I count the days.

quote:

Originally posted by GA Gator:
Deep Dive

Fuck off and take a head first dive into an empty pool

THIS! Fuck me it drives me nuts.

And "the deck" when referring to a PowerPoint presentation. I hate how once one person starts using a term, all the other kiss-asses start as well. Scum

Synergies

We will become "leaner and more productive". Just say everyone will be doing more work now that we fired a much of people.

Not just the lingo, but the energy expended in bullshit. My particular office is majority staff by people on military disability or law enforcement retirement. Those people are fully competent, but don't really want to work more than 3 or 4 days a week. The do, however, get more done than that workaholics. Now the suits want us all to have a career development plan with metrics for progress. MF's, I'm the young one at 60. I'm there so I don't get bored at home. Just what kind of sparkling career do you want me to develop before I retire fully? And I'm the young one.

quote:

Originally posted by TMats:

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
Human Resources

Which is better than "Human Capital"

Soylent Green?

"Circle Back"

Here is a link to your Corporate BS Generator:

http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

PROACTIVELY 'FROM THE SEA'; AN AGENT OF CHANGE LEVERAGING THE LITTORAL BEST PRACTICES FOR A PARADIGM BREAKING SIX-SIGMA BEST BUSINESS CASE TO SYNERGISM A CONSISTENT DESIGN IN THE GLOBAL COMMONS RIGHTSIZING THE CORE VALUES SUPPORTING OUR MISSION STATEMENT VIA THE 5-VECTOR MODEL THROUGH CULTURAL DIVERSITY.

Not mine, an amalgam of Navy-Corporate speak strung together by Cdr Salamander. https://cdrsalamander.blogspot.com/

quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
Human Resources

And its companion term: "Team Members"

Funny how all of these terms and phrases were/are invented by people who invented whole departments, positions, and "needs" out of thin air when they were completely unneeded.

How in God's name did business survive and thrive for thousands of years without Human Resources departments?

I always laugh at the use of "headwinds" to describe a challenging environment.

The Feds were getting all into that when I retired so they brought in a LSS person. He was sitting in my office, at my desk when I came to work.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Corporate Carl, the LSS coordinator. I am here to orchestrate top-line collaboration and idea-sharing" or something like that.

You know the look you dog gives you? Tilts his head and goes "Hrugh?" That's what I did.

Carl now realizes he screwed the pooch.

Run Carl run. Carl ran. I got a call from my boss. Carl was afraid. Never saw Carl again.

quote:

Originally posted by ulsterman:
You know the look you dog gives you? Tilts his head and goes "Hrugh?" That's what I did.

Carl now realizes he screwed the pooch.

Run Carl run. Carl ran. I got a call from my boss. Carl was afraid. Never saw Carl again.

Thanks for the first laugh of the day.

quote:

Most annoying corporate speak

I think at the end of the day we can all agree the concept of beginning the process of selecting a blue-ribbon panel to nominate the members of an exploratory committee to begin a survey of stakeholders in preparation for assembling the agenda for an executive meeting to begin preliminary discussion of this topic is worth consideration.

THe company I and three other guys founded five years ago (and I work for still as president) hired this CEO that was a total douchebag. Finally parted ways with him last Fall, much to mine and everyones joy, but he was a typcial MBA numbnuts (but less competent than most as it turns out) and he would always be spouting these B/S terms, some of which have already been included. He would also co-opt terms from the IT culture and try to apply them to people, like we were computers (he would have loved that, control freak that he was, programming people to obey him). He would send out these rambling, confusing emails and the rest of us would be scratching our heads over..."WTF is he talking about??"

-Deep dive

-Optics

-Leverage

-Bandwidth (for time available)

-Cycles (like processor cycles, or how many times a document gets looked at)

-Corporate hygeine

OK, what's "corporate hygiene?"

I'll restrain myself from making smartass guesses

Former CEO of GE, Jack Welch is one of the perpetrators of LSS. In the middle 90's, he fell in lust with the program.

Current GE CEO has a different opinion:

"Jeff Immelt was asked how he can get investors to appreciate the company's new digital transformation and 3-D printing investments. His response: It "makes a shitload more sense than Six Sigma did."