Is 43 too old to have an infant? I'm not in the best shape, definitely need to lose weight, but I feel pretty good. We can't have any more kids, and kind of gave up on adoption a while back. Now there is an opportunity to potentially adopt a baby through a neighbors church. We had just given up on the whole thing, and now this comes along. I can't decide if I am too old for this or not.

Not too old. Is the want there?

60-61 at high school graduation.

We adopted ~9 years ago, when I was 45 and my wife 47. I'd say go for it you want to be parents.

Kinda weird having play dates for your little one when the other kid's parents are a lot younger, and being mistaken as grandparents at school events, but don't let that stop you.

I would say you are fine.

Example, my aunt had their first kid when she was 50... yup not a type-o. Second one at age 52.. let that sink in for a minute..

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Originally posted by feersum dreadnaught:
We adopted ~9 years ago, when I was 45 and my wife 47. I'd say go for it you want to be parents.

Kinda weird having play dates for your little one when the other kid's parents are a lot younger, and being mistaken as grandparents at school events, but don't let that stop you.

It feels weird, but most other parents are shocked if I tell them how old I am. For the record, 49 with kids 10, 9, and 6. I haven't lost a guess your age midway game yet. When you walk up with three young kids, it skews their guess. Last guess was 38.

Admittedly, they have a ton of energy, so my wife and I tend to pace ourselves.

I'm 50 with a 1 and a 5 yr old, I wouldn't change a thing.

That depends on you. Something to consider is your financial situation. At 40, you're looking at retirement age just about the time this child will be needing funds for college. Will you be able to do that and still meet your retirement goals? If not, then it's not fair to you or the child. Kids can be expensive. Health expenses, physical/mental/social, can be significant. The timing for you might be when you need those funds directed to your own needs approaching retirement/old age.

42 with a five month old. No issues. If it's something you want, go for it!

This topic has come up before (not to bust your chops, but for those who have seen me write about this before) -- I was 42, 44, and 48 when my boys were born. I sometimes get "grandpa" when I'm out with the now four-year-old, but I suppose I could easily have had a four-year-old grandchild, so I don't get too worked up about it.

I was worried about the effect of my being older would have on the boys, but surprisingly, even here in BR, there are a lot of fathers around my age (with kids my kids' ages) -- not all, by any stretch, and many are far younger, but there are a goodly number, especially in the activities we're in (cub scouts, kid's orchestra, outdoorsy stuff, science geeky stuff). So things have changed.

Definitely get yourself into some sort of exercise plan -- I started running after the second came, knowing I'd have to keep up. I'm not necessarily suggesting running, but something cardio -- I'm having a bad bout of plantar fasciitis, so I'm having to branch out, getting back into cycling.

My wife jokes (I think) about one more, but seeing as I'll already by in my 70s when number three is out of college . . . .

Turning 45 in about a month and we have 6 and 8 year old girls. I think one of the harder parts of adapting to the change is a lot of your friends may already have adult kids or none at all. Your friends may be nearing retirement and you'll be busy raising a young child. Just mostly things to make sure you're comfortable with. You might also be surprised to meet other parents your age. Seems like there's a fairly decent amount of parents at our school who are older. Hell, one dad is 64 with a newborn!

I've stayed home with our girls for 8 years. It definitely impacted our retirement plans but I wouldn't change a thing. In some ways it's amazing how quick the time flew by. It seems like yesterday when I look at old pictures and videos.

I'm 41 with a 16 and 12 year old from my first marriage.

GF and I are talking serious and she would like to try to have a kid before she hits 40 (she's 35). She said she wants 2, I told her lets start with 1 and see how that goes first.

I've always kind of wanted 3. I figure if it's going to happen it needs to happen before I turn 45.

My cousin who is my age just had his second kid and said "Don't do it!"

One more thing to consider: One of the more challenging things is balancing the needs of (your) elderly parents (grandparents) with those of young children -- the two often do not coincide. My folks are in their late 70s, mid 80s, and are not in good shape, so visiting is challenging as well as all the other challenges that go along with raising little ones and dealing with the issues of the elderly ones.

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Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
Is 43 too old to have an infant?

I hope not!

My wife just had our second, another boy, 2 weeks ago and I'm 44, she's 34.

We also have a 2.5 year old. I'm a pretty busy old Dad.

quote:

Originally posted by jbcummings:
That depends on you. Something to consider is your financial situation. At 40, you're looking at retirement age just about the time this child will be needing funds for college. Will you be able to do that and still meet your retirement goals? If not, then it's not fair to you or the child. Kids can be expensive. Health expenses, physical/mental/social, can be significant. The timing for you might be when you need those funds directed to your own needs approaching retirement/old age.

This is probably the most practical consideration to mull over. With a newborn at 45, you're looking at college expenses and retirement overlapping, which for most folks would be a financial challenge, let alone the child expenses leading up to it that inevitably stifle savings and downsizing plans to help accomodate a comfortable retirement.

quote:

I've stayed home with our girls for 8 years. It definitely impacted our retirement plans but I wouldn't change a thing. In some ways it's amazing how quick the time flew by. It seems like yesterday when I look at old pictures and videos.

...but then there's that, the joy of parenthood. You mention that you can't "have any more kids" so you know that joy. There's nothing else more rewarding in life, IMO, and adoption is a selfless, loving act. I've toyed with the idea myself at this late stage in life (50 years old, five years older than you), as my kids head off to college this summer, but *for me* retirement concerns and a realization that I don't have the energy and patience to do it all over again, as much as I would love to, squash the idea. To be frank, that's a tough realization for me to come to terms with, but sometimes even the most joyful things in life are a one-act thing. They say that's what grandkids are for...I hope they're right.

Good luck in your decision.

My BIL was 50 when he had his 4th child.
He is a man of very moderate means to be PC.
I sent him a rubber band.....

If you can financially afford it (and by 40 you should have a good idea of where you are) I say go for it.

quote:

Originally posted by jbcummings:
That depends on you. Something to consider is your financial situation. At 40, you're looking at retirement age just about the time this child will be needing funds for college.

Where is it written that the parents HAVE to pay for their child's college??

My parents had 7 of us kids and each one of us was told "You want to go to college, YOU figure it out! We just cannot afford to pay for you all"

And you know what, we all did. Some us us got scholarships and worked their way through. I went into the Army to get the GI Bill. We all "made it happen".

No, I don't think so.

I just met a guy a week ago who is 52 and has a child 5 and a child 2. He was okay with that.

I know a guy that is in his late 70's with a wife 30yrs his junior and they have twin teenagers , but he's a great dad and very involved with his kids; however, he's got a number of pretty serious health issues that came up in the last few years.

My father was 47 when I was born. I made it, and so did he. I point of fact, I'd say the age of the mother is much more important, at least as far as the health of the offspring is concerned.