well, I have this friend, about 34 yrs old, he is a regular at our Church. Seems to have a wonderful family, with a wife and 3 kids. Now I find out that he has a massive porn addiction, and spends a lot of money and time watching porn on the internet. The result is that his family finances are all messed up, and his relationship with his wife is also all messed up.
What should I do to help? Or should I stay out of the situation? It is a kind of delicate situation, and my friend has told me of his addiction and said he needs help. I have never faced this sort a situation ever in my life, and I dont know what to do.
Could the SigForum friends with life experience give me some pointers of how to handle the situation?
The only thing I have done is to ask him to set up a meeting with our Bishop, and to go and ask the Bishop for help in resolving this situation he finds himself in.
Thank you guys in advance. Thank you.

Don't take this the wrong way...but my first thought, is the Bishop really trained for this?
I honestly would look at other options.

You don't give any indication that he wants to be helped. Without this, little can be done. Maybe you can help out the family in some capacity.

Maybe introduce him to shooting sports? Perhaps turning his free time to another activity would be helpful.

Couple books that can help. But what he has is a counterfeit god. There is a book by that title "Counterfeit Gods" by Timothy Keller. Also, "Wild at Heart" is another that's been used to speak to those with similar addictions. Especially the part where he discusses 'the wound'. It's by John Eldredge. "Wild at Heart" is an easy read as well. Helped me in such a time. In my case, I wasn't spending a bunch of money on it (too much free stuff easily available on line now). But it is destructive to a marriage. But eventually he'll have to answer the question "Who are you?" Are you a Christian? Husband? Father? "Who are you?" Malcolm Smith has a LOT of sermons that drive back to that question. "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee is also a great book. But it's a TOUGH read as it's a translation of a collection of radio sermons. Said sermons were delivered in Chinese and apparently translated to English by someone who doesn't fully understand English sentence structure. "Experiencing God" by Henry Blackaby is also a great book, but might be more useful for you to read to speak to him than it would for him to read.

If your Bishop isn't equipped to deal with it, look up an outfit called Exchanged Life Ministries. They are a collection of Christian counsellors who approach it from the viewpoint that we're trichotemous beings. So a lot of these issues they address at the spiritual level first. Every one I've met from this organization is the real deal. I know several people who have taken classes from them to become Christian Counsellors.

This is MY own opinion... but...

First off, an addiction that isn't chemical, is TOTALLY psychological. While a "porn" addiction is a bit silly IMO, I suppose it is possible.

If that is indeed the case, it is a problem for a mental health professional. As in a trained psychologist, not a bishop, priest, shaman, medicine man, or grand poobah of any church/religion/whatever.

If the person needs help, then get him ACTUAL help...

Thank you guy for the advice. I will pass on the book recommendations.
Yes, he is in bad shape, and has asked for help. Initially he wanted us friends to help his money problems,he didnot want to admit his real problem. Now that his problem is critical, he is asking for help. To a certain point I amm thinking that heis just looking for a way out, without willing to give up his porn. And shooting sports is not something he is interested in. He is a fat, computernerd kind of guy who has never played sports ever in his life, he seems to just sit in from of his computer all the time.
Seems like he should get professional counselling along with talking to our Bishop.
Well, lets see how it goes. I will report back.

People pay for porn?!?

You friend is lacking something in his life,he is filling that void thru the thrill of porn.

As stated he needs a psychologist and therapy. But like all addictions he can not quit until he wants to turn his life around. He will need a support group to get it done and you are number one in that group.

The part I wouldn't care for is him asking for $$ help while he spends the family cash on porn. That just doesn't work.

Why be paying for porn anyway? It's all over the web, for free. He needs a 'reeducation'.

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:
... First off, an addiction that isn't chemical, is TOTALLY psychological. While a "porn" addiction is a bit silly IMO, I suppose it is possible. ...

It is chemical but it's not external. It's all about the dopamine. It's reward-motivated behaviour.

The church I go to supports and hosts "Celebrate Recovery" which helps folks with all sorts of addictions. They aren't judgemental and they are very welcoming. You don't have to be a member of the host church. Please pass this along.

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/

Are you 100% positive that this person is watching adult porn and not kiddie porn? If the latter, the psychological and potential legal issues are immense.

If it's adult, basically the problem is that this addiction is taking time and money away from his family. I would start with "hey dumbass, porn is free. Stop messing up the family bank account." But beyond that he may need more professional help than can be provided by your bishop.

Thanks for the advice.
Palm- I just know his porn habit is of what I think of, consenting adults, kiddie porn, I didnt even think about. Yikes!!!!!
Mark- thanks for the link, I will pass it on.

quote:

Originally posted by sidss1:
Thanks for the advice.
Palm- I just know his porn habit is of what I think of, consenting adults, kiddie porn, I didnt even think about. Yikes!!!!!
Mark- thanks for the link, I will pass it on.

As I was reading I was thinking it better not be underage stuff.

Be very careful about wading into this issue. IF he is doing g kiddie porn, it will have legal ramifications. He needs the will to quit. He needs to see a professional counsellor.

This would be a job perfectly suited for your church's Pastor(s).

A couple of questions:

Do you think your pastor is equipped to help with counseling?

Does your friend seem to be willing to quit? As others have said - HE will have to take the necessary actions to quit.

Porn is tough because it is so readily accessible on all our devices now. If he is consuming that much he will have to take serious steps to rid himself of the temptation / accessibility.

Vices / temptation come in so many forms - all lurking to get the hooks in you: could be sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, gambling, over-eating, smoking, even shopping / hoarding.

It is a major undertaking to do this- he will need to be committed and have a mentor / counselor to follow up with him.

-----------------------------

quote:

Originally posted by KevinCW:
This is MY own opinion... but...

First off, an addiction that isn't chemical, is TOTALLY psychological. While a "porn" addiction is a bit silly IMO, I suppose it is possible.

If that is indeed the case, it is a problem for a mental health professional. As in a trained psychologist, not a bishop, priest, shaman, medicine man, or grand poobah of any church/religion/whatever.

If the person needs help, then get him ACTUAL help...

I can't say it better than this. Suggest a real professional to him.

Teach him where to download free porn?

Counsel the wife on how to be more interesting in bed?

(only half joking)

Maybe he's just bored? Maybe she's disinteresting or quasi asexual? Perhaps their views on recreational sex (amongst each other) differ due to matters of faith? Has she "let herself go"? Are they otherwise a happy couple? There are many possible factors beyond "porn is bad" and "he's addicted to it".

I would suggest marriage counseling first.