quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
I have cursed like a drunken sailor most of my life.
However, my spoken words affect my circumstance, so I am attempting to have a better vocabulary.

Man, this is tough.

I have had language problems occasionally in my life. I don't judge others for it, but I know it damages my sense of self on a spiritual level when I do it. It's a hard habit to break. May sound weird but I have to deliberately choose not to use coarse language. It does have a positive aggregate affect of my sense of character though so it's worth it to me.

Parenthetically, my mother was just diagnosed with the same cancer you were, lbj. She is so far in years, she doesn't have the strength to fight it.

I am sorry to hear this and will pray for her.
No one deserves this.

I agree about the language thing.
I even think in curse words.

I have always been a rebel, and Texan by birth.
Now my recent conversion to becoming a Pentecostal brands me a heretic in some people's minds.

Now I am a rebel and a heretic.
Good for me.

darthfuster,

Does your mother have clear cell carcinoma?
Opdivo, aka nivolumab is what works best, though temporary as well as has the fewest side effects of any of the treatments with regards to medicines. It's not chemo.
It's super expensive and I hope she has insurance and that they will pay for it.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
darthfuster,

Does your mother have clear cell carcinoma?
Opdivo, aka nivolumab is what works best, though temporary as well as has the fewest side effects of any of the treatments with regards to medicines. It's not chemo.
It's super expensive and I hope she has insurance and that they will pay for it.

I'm out of my element with this stuff. It's too early to know some details like stage etc. She has renal cell carcinoma. Is that what your diagnosis was?

I am pretty sure the names are interchangeable.
I am sorry to tell you this one is the worst kidney cancer one can have.

Opdivo works well for a limited time, typically a year to perhaps 2 or 3. It works on like 85% of patients.
But while it works, it really shrinks things.
After that wears off, it's my understanding 8 months or so after treatment ends.

That's how it is with me.

If they try to go the Votrient route, see if they will go with Opdivo instead.
You can always do Votrient later.

Votrient can give some people 3 to 5 years.
But all who take it in pill form daily suffer greatly from the side effects and one has to be mentally tough as nails.

I pray for her and wish her well, and yourself too of course.
I am so sorry about this, no one and I mean no one deserves clear cell/renal cell carcinoma, even me.

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
I am pretty sure the names are interchangeable.
I am sorry to tell you this one is the worst kidney cancer one can have.

Opdivo works well for a limited time, typically a year to perhaps 2 or 3. It works on like 85% of patients.
But while it works, it really shrinks things.
After that wears off, it's my understanding 8 months or so after treatment ends.

That's how it is with me.

If they try to go the Votrient route, see if they will go with Opdivo instead.
You can always do Votrient later.

Votrient can give some people 3 to 5 years.
But all who take it in pill form daily suffer greatly from the side effects and one has to be mentally tough as nails.

I pray for her and wish her well, and yourself too of course.
I am so sorry about this, no one and I mean no one deserves clear cell/renal cell carcinoma, even me.

I have followed this thread since the beginning. I have prayed for you and your family in private which is the way I like to do it. She is not going to fight this. Her religious perspectives have prepared her emotionally for what must come. Ultimately we are all mortal and feel this wind blow. Thank you for your kind words, lbj. It means a lot. God bless you, sir.

Lbj...thank you again for sharing your life's journey with us on this forum...I for one truthfully believe it is a life experience with a purpose...maybe not obvious to all (but time may change this view )...you have touched us with all you are going through. You are a strong man. You have passed that strength on. Your strength and experience has touched us all in ways you may not understand until that day we will meet and talk/laugh/cry about these passing things. Cancer and it's impending loss to those we love has been addressed on this forum in a way that offers hope and support to all of us here...

Sometimes it is sad...and sometimes it is good...we have seen both, but I for one have been buoyed by you...I know others feel the same way...

May God that created this universe continue to strengthen and bless you, your family and each and every forum member facing this curse, that it is what it is, a damn curse.

The old me and my belief in Christ sustained me the last year and a half.
Add in the new me and look out world.
I am happier and more fulfilled.

Thanks for the kind words.

I have been speaking/posting from my heart this whole time, me being me.
It's been surprising easy for me to post what I do, my hands hit the keyboard and Presto!

It's been therapeutic for me to read and see my own words and thoughts.
It has been my deliberate intention to show how the sausage is made so to speak, because a lot of us face problems such as mine.
It is my sincere hope it helps the sick as well as those blessed with good health.

Plus there is a lot of my thoughts on a variety of subjects as they come up, so it isn't all doom and gloom and death.
There is life in this thread and I hope everyone sees that.

I really do think I made good sense occasionally.
This is all true in my book The World According to Wigley.
It's all right here on sigforum and free of charge as it should be.

Perhaps folks should be paid to read the weirdness that is me, I dunno.

You, lbj are a blessing...and your memory and what you have shared here with us here will be a blessing long after you have left us...take comfort in that fact...I, as well as others, will look forward to having deep conversations with you about this and other things (the rings of Saturn, grandchildren and how much ammo we can squeeze into a closet )...I'm looking forward to it my friend...

Thank you for making us a part of your journey as well as your past...and your future ....again (this can't be offered enough enough)...may God continue to bless and keep you and yours in his protection.

I will offer this this blessing from the Word...which goes way past "church"...no matter what...I take comfort in these words...

Numbers 6:24-26

May The Lord bless you
and keep you; may the Lord make his face shine on you
and be gracious to you;
May the Lord turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”’

That hit me in my heart, thank you... again.

My hope is that everything I have posted the last year and half will be described in the future as like the words in a conversation in the book and the movie The Outlaw Josey Wales.

Josey goes by himself to face the Comanches.
At the end of that conversation, Ten Bears has a decision to make as to whether to shoot it out with Josey or coexist together.
Ten Bears makes his decision and says:
"There is iron in your words of death for all to see. So there is iron in your words of life.
It shall be life."

That is how I wish to be remembered.

All I can say...Amen...let it come to be...

It's been a hard year...but the future is secure.

Yeah, your year has been super tough and it is good to see you working through it.
That means you have decided it shall be life.
Good for you.

Yes...I have chosen Life...my CUT come through again ... The Outlaw Josie Wales was one of my late wife's (as well as mine) favorite movies ...the lady that gave my wife's eulogy quoted Terri's favorite saying that went over many of the folk's heads that were at her service...."endeavor to persevere"...from Stand Watie (Chief Dan George)...that was her mantra, and when I combine it with my CUT and it keeps me going ...

Rocket (my avatar) just keeps going on (ain't nobody else like me)

That is a fine quote and words to live by.

Interesting that you all and I share a certain love for that book and movie.
The movie is about the only movie I know of where the dialogue is unchanged and is word for word, scene for scene from the book Gone To Texas by Forrest Carter.

It's great reading and I recommend it.
It's only about 200 pages.

There was a second book as well and it is a great read too, though not quite as good as Gone To Texas. The name of that second book escapes me right now.
Eastwood owned and might still own the rights to that book.
It's a shame he never made the film back then.

Another book we both loved was True grit...I think we both enjoyed the characters of Mattie as well as Rooster Cogburn...I must admit...we both liked the later film better...she cried like a baby when Rooster ran Lil Blackie to death at the end...Terri understood why, but bawled like a newborn when Rooster shot 'Lil Blackie...she had a good heart, but understood....she cried like a baby when out bordercollie Jennie died...look at the direction I'm taking...I'm sorry lbj...it's late... God bless.

That was as hard to watch as when that kid had to shoot Old Yeller.

Memories are good things.
I have always been of a mind that the more I hurt when I experience loss, the more it validates how good things were.
It sounds odd, but I have felt this way since 1995.

Sorry I took you to a place I shouldn't have.

Lbj...you took me to no place I have not been since I have been since Easter Sunday when she passed over to her other life and realty ...I am so happy to see you move forward and offer a prayer of thanksgiving to and for your journey...I'm not kidding...we will have a lot of time to discuss all of these things in the future ...later dude

quote:

Originally posted by lbj:
Now my recent conversion to becoming a Pentecostal brands me a heretic in some people's minds.

It's probably none of my business, but anyone who thinks you a heretic for becoming a Pentecostal while not claiming to be perfect is really missing the point. You've shown more grace under pressure while suffering through this than anyone I have ever known or read about.

I think the way you've chosen recently is beautiful and sacred. It seems you are surrendering everything to the Lord. For you to make peace with your situation and convert as you have is inspiring to me as a Christian in a way I cannot adequately express in words.

I hope one day the Lord helps you understand all of the good you've done for others in sharing this with us here.

Thank you.

After my baptism is when I found out I became a Pentecostal.
That might sound odd to some that I did not explore the church I ended up in beforehand.

Youngest daughter, Miles and I went to the church that afternoon at 4PM just to listen for 30 minutes.
The Holy Ghost entered and filled us and words of Christ hit us like a ton of bricks.
It did not matter the affiliation, we never asked.
We just knew that that God reached us and we took the plunge.
It was only as we were walking out that I asked what church we had converted to.
The answer was Pentecostal.
I was very surprised, yet happy and knew this was the place I was led to.

Once I got home and began researching, I ran across the Oneness doctrine and in exploring that on the net, I found some things where that was called heretical.
When I read that, the first thing that crossed my mind was: I guess I am a heretic.
I was not bothered by the label from a few opinions about the doctrine.

My conversion was so genuine that I just knew I was led to the place where Christ reached me and I am convinced if I had ended up elsewhere, none of this would have happened for me.

Certainly I could have been happy enough if I had gone elsewhere, but I would not have converted and merely gone through the motions for youngest and grandbaby to help them on their spiritual journey.

The facts are I was led to where we went with a specific intent.
I know this is true.

Nowhere else on the planet could I be reached.
It is God's plan for me.

Does anyone remember way way back after my diagnosis that I became concerned that I wished to make sure I did not interfere with God's plans for my family?
That my illness and the medication Votrient was clouding my mind and confusing me?
I do.
Para and everyone else said that no matter what I did that I could not inadvertently ruin God's plan?
You all were correct.

While I kept my faith in Christ solid until now, I now have seen Christ enter me in a way that is real and I have never experienced anything like this.
It's God will.
I feel Christ in me.

I had been worried this moment would never come but it has.
Praise God!

That is inspiring to read, lbj. Your experience is much the same as I have come to have except more gradually for me. There is great healing of mind, body and spirit in faith. The more I develop faith the less fear I have in general and the more I move my will in line with Christ and His method. It is how I came to understand the value of selflessness and the full nature of forgiveness. May God continue to bless you.