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https://newsomelet.com/15-of-t...r-been-said-in-court Despite the fact that courtrooms and their cases generally are very serious, there are a few judges, attorneys and witnesses around that can certainly see the humor in some things, even if it’s a bit unintentional. In any case, it makes for some pretty good comedy. Charles M. Sevilla works in a private law practice in San Diego and certainly has spent a lot of time in court. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. The author describes his book as a “collection of verbatim exchanges from the halls of justice” to form “memorably insane comedy”. How memorable, you might ask? Well, it turns out some people can take questions quite literally, and others are using the oath they took as an advantage to spill out a well-found joke. In the heat of the moment, lawyers may also be asking some weird questions which often lead to confusion coupled with laughter. Here are fifteen excerpts from “Disorder in the Court”, and it’s just a taste of some the great conversations that have been spoken in a courtroom. 1) Some things just aren’t straightforward enough ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death… ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. 2) Using the oath as a perfect reason to make a joke LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man– WITNESS: Thank you. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. 3) Some questions are just too complicated LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot. 4) There’s never a reason not to make a pun LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. 5) Taking responses too literally ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… 6) To be fair, those headlights are pretty flashy LAWYER: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? WITNESS: Yes. LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? WITNESS: Yes, sir. LAWYER: What did she say? WITNESS: ‘What disco am I at?’ 7) Everything is possible ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No… ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. 8) I don’t think that’s how memory works ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 9) Some people just simply aren’t good with numbers ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. 10) Technically, it’s not wrong, which is the best type of being right. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. 11) That one must’ve hurt… ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. 12) Details matter LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial? WITNESS: The victim lived. 13) This seems like a trick question LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? 14) Using the right to remain silent isn’t always the brightest idea LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? WITNESS: No. 15) This is when you need to switch attorneys ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? | ||
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| I believe in the principle of Due Process  |
OTOH, I've been reading about Edward Bennett Williams, the Washington DC lawyer who won fame and fortune doing mostly criminal trials. During one of his closing arguments to the jury, one of the defendants was overheard whispering to his co-defendant, "Maybe we aren't guilty after all!" Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me. When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown | |||
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Member |
I wonder how old that book is because I've seen this list since I got my first email address back in the early 90s. Hedley Lamarr: Wait, wait, wait. I'm unarmed. Bart: Alright, we'll settle this like men, with our fists. Hedley Lamarr: Sorry, I just remembered . . . I am armed. | |||
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Baroque Bloke |
Thank you! Can't remember when I last read anything as funny! Serious about crackers | |||
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| Freethinker |
That was my question; funny, but very dated, not to mention that a few have always struck me as doubtful to say the least (but I could be wrong  ).► 6.4/93.6 “Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” — Plato | |||
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| Administrator |
People get the idea from TV/Movie courtroom dramas that all attorneys are really slick and practiced so if you see someone mess up like this, it's because they're a real idiot. That's not true. A lot of new attorneys are more nervous than the witnesses they're interviewing. After all, the witness only has to tell the truth . Not all of my law school classmates are hard chargers. I'm in mock trial class now and I fully expect to see some of the same meanderings, hopefully not from myself.I once asked a federal magistrate judge for advice (generally) and he said "When you're examining a witness, know where you want to go and go there. Don't waste the jury's time." A very experienced and well-thought-of assistant US attorney who taught my evidence class said of cross "Never ask a question you don't already know the answer to." Sounded like good advice to me. | |||
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| I believe in the principle of Due Process |
Preparation. Thorough, well thought out preparation to know what you are talking about and what you are doing. You may still be nervous even so. A trial is like a play, put on once for an audience. If you don't know your lines, have the props ready, the others know their lines, it ruins the play! Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me. When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown | |||
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| No double standards |
I have a son-in-law and a nephew who are litigation attys. One is brilliant in the law (Yale law grad), the other is brilliant as a salesperson. Sometimes you need one skill, sometimes you need the other skill. "Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women. When it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it....While it lies there, it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it" - Judge Learned Hand, May 1944 | |||
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| I believe in the principle of Due Process |
The Clintons are Yale law grads. Let's not get too crazy. Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me. When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown | |||
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Armed and Gregarious |
Sorry, but without citations of actual court cases, and proof that this stuff came from an actual transcript, I don't believe most of those exchanges ever happened. I've been in court a lot, and have seen some silly stuff from attorneys, judges, and especially witnesses (from a wide range of backgrounds, including cops), but none of those anecdotes ring true to me. ___________________________________________ "He was never hindered by any dogma, except the Constitution." - Ty Ross speaking of his grandfather General Barry Goldwater "War is the remedy that our enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want." - William Tecumseh Sherman | |||
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Hold on there DMF, they came from a lawyer and lawyers wouldn't lie or embellish | |||
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| Member |
Funny, but nothing more than jokes. Not real. | |||
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Funny Man |
How many lawyers does it take to ruin a light hearted thread? ______________________________ “I'd like to know why well-educated idiots keep apologizing for lazy and complaining people who think the world owes them a living.” ― John Wayne | |||
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| I'm why SigForum can't have nice things  |
I heard a couple lulus during my recent 3 months of jury duty. | |||
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| His diet consists of black coffee, and sarcasm.  |
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| Member |
I don't know. How many? Vince | |||
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| The Main Thing Is Not To Get Excited  |
4...one to pound the law, one to pound the facts, one to pound the table and one to pound the fun out of it. _______________________ | |||
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| No double standards |
I am sure the Clinton's connection with Yale involves corruption, as everything else the Clintons do involves corruption.  "Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women. When it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it....While it lies there, it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it" - Judge Learned Hand, May 1944 | |||
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thin skin can't win |
Indeed. If you weren't there surely the tree must not have fallen. You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02 | |||
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