My mother told me the same thing.
I came to the same conclusion you did.
Do the interns get Glocks?
One of the first words I could spell was"book"...
You know, an arrangement of flowers...
That, Sir, is in the UK.
That's call a 'Lady Mondegreen'
|It's not you,|
I thought putting on turn signals actually turned the car.
I can remember knowing what you did during sex, but having no idea why you'd do that.
My best friend lived across the street and was two years younger than me. At one point he kept talking a lot about Maxi-pads! Just because it was something he heard on the tv. Even as a little kid I could see it was making his mom uneasy. So I took him aside and told him to stop saying it, I explained what they were and why it was upsetting her. "You know how boys have a thing and girls have a hole? Well that's a cover that goes over it to keep things from going in." See, I obviously had a much greater grasp on female anatomy and menstruation that he did. lmao
I guess in retrospect I wasn't wrong.
Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911.
|Life's too short to |
live by the rules
When I was a very young lad, I thought that when you turned the TV off, whatever you were watching would stop and you could come back and pick up where you left off.
Shoot. I remember one Thanksgiving coming home from college for the day. I must have been around twenty I guess, but I walked in the kitchen and watched my mom making gravy. I was amazed and asked her .."what are you doing"? She looked at me kind of strange and said she was making gravy for dinner.
Swear to god, I always thought it just came with the meat.
.....never marry a woman who is mean to your waitress.
My older cousins convinced me that there used to be lots of different races of aliens here like the cantina on Star Wars but they all left long ago. They told me that the big power line towers were remnants of old rocket launch platforms they used when they left.
"You can do it your own way, if it's done just how I say."
I thought everyone lived to be 100.
"Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"
not a misconception, just me being an idiot, buuut I was a freshman in freakin high school before I saw the "what's black, white, and read all over" joke written down. I didn't understand it 'til I saw it written as read instead of red.
My older brother had my younger brother convinced that the huge round bales of hay in the fields were cow eggs. He told him when they hatched, the field would be full of cows. Sure enough, they were a few weeks later. I played along with the ruse....
Insert your favorite gun-related witticism here!
When I was in second grade, I wasn't aware of the grand daddy of all cuss words when I saw it written on a bathroom stall. I remember on kid in the class saying something about it being a bad word, but I didn't believe him and I was apparently super proud of my ability to read so I proceeded to drop F-bombs all over the boys bathroom like it was no big deal (which to be fair, at that moment it wasn't a big deal to me). I was overheard by the teacher and quickly marched to the principals office for some re-education. Needless to say, my parents don't cuss much.
I thought that you only got married when you wanted to have a baby and that women magically got pregnant during the kiss at the wedding.
I thought everything costs a bajillion dollars and my parents were the smartest and wealthiest people ever (Dad was a school administrator and Mom stayed at home, but we had a boat so we must be super rich, right?)
And the saddest of all: I thought that steak was crappy food (thanks a lot, Dad). I actually thought this until I started dating a girl at sixteen that showed me that you don't have to cook steak into shoe leather to eat it. I was so grateful for her wisdom that I married her five years later.
I Like Guns and stuff
I remember in school, even through high school, when I'd see someone at lunch eating a cheese sandwich, it bothered me. I didn't know that was something people did. So I always felt really bad, they must be really poor, they can't afford any meat.
Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911.
|SIG's 'n Surefires|
As a third grader I was beginning to learn about swear words. I came home from school one day and repeated this poem to my mother:
I went to the dam to get some dam water.
I asked the dam man if I could have some dam water.
The dam man said I couldn't have any dam water,
So I told the dam man he could keep his dam water.
Needless to say, after a trip to the bathroom with the Ivory, I had discovered a new swear word and what homonyms are.
"Common sense is wisdom with its sleeves rolled up." -Kyle Farnsworth
"Freedom of Speech does not guarantee freedom from consequences." Mike Rowe
NRA Life Member
| Get my pies|
outta the oven!
When we were growing up we went to a church that sang a worship hymn that went "It's finished, it's finished, Jesus paid it all, at Calvary, at Calvary!"
For some reason I thought everyone was singing "It's spinach, it's spinach, Jesus paid it all, at Calvary, at Calvary!"
I recall thinking to myself, "what the HECK does Jesus have to do with spinach!"
When I was a 5 or so we went to the mall in Columbus, OH for Christmas shopping. I saw the Salvation Army lady at store entrance in the parking garage. For some reason I didn't know what the Salvation Army was or were doing, but I did know that a prostitute stood on corners trying to get mens attention for some reason.
So I rolled down the car window and as we drove past I leaned out and yelled "Look it's a prostitute!". Everyone looked our way and my dad punched down that accelerator. Parked on a different level.
My mother told me that thunder was God moving his furniture. I believed her
My brother and his friend told me that repeating words they were whispering in my ear was cooler than cool. My mom heard me outside the kitchen window saying every cuss word in the book. First and last time with a bar of soap in my mouth
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
Thought that if you didn't have the cash for what you wanted to buy you could just write a check for it.
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