We were out as a family at the local mall doing the usual shopping for the kids when the wife, daughter, and son went into one of those trending kids clothes stores. I didn't go in and waited on a bench outside (I hate malls and getting malled, so I wasn't in the best of moods.) A few minutes later the son comes out, and starts DAD, DAD, DAD.
I just looked at him and said, 'I don't know you kid, go find your mother'. He starts DAD, DAD, DAD again, and I tell him the same thing, again.

He responds, 'C'mon Dad you know me. I'm the one who gave you gray hair.'

The old lady behind me almost fell off the bench laughing.

Moral of the story being, be careful what you tell your kids, it will be used against you.

I ran upstairs to our (then) 4yo screaming from the bathroom and had this conversation-

Me (panicked): What's wrong?

Son: I shoved a vitamin up my nose and it got stuck.

Me (less panicked): Why in the world would you do that?

Son: because I thought it was candy.

Me (annoyed): Do you stick candy up your nose?

Son: No

Me (trying not to laugh): Then why did you stick a vitamin up there?

Son: Because, I thought it was candy!

Still have no idea why he did that. A little tip though, if you kid ever does that and no matter what you try you can't get it out, if it's a gel cap vitamin it will just dissolve after about an hour or so. Had I known that it would have saved us some embarrassment at the ER.

quote:

Son: I shoved a vitamin up my nose and it got stuck.

Me (less panicked): Why in the world would you do that?

Son: because I thought it was candy.

Me (annoyed): Do you stick candy up your nose?

Son: No

Me (trying not to laugh): Then why did you stick a vitamin up there?

Son: Because, I thought it was candy!

Yeah sure. Sometimes your coke addict friends can be bad examples for your kids.

Just woke my dead asleep 6 yo son from his nap. He popped up, looked me straight in the eye, and in a serious, hushed tone said to me, "I have secret missions. That nobody knows about."

Out with friends for pizza one night, they were babysitting the niece and nephew that weekend so they went with.

Typical conversation, and at one point it turned to recent movies. Not sure which one we were discussing, but it was asked if anyone knew if it was playing locally, everyone shook their head to the negative.

All of the sudden 7 year old Ryan raises his had like he was in school, saying I know, I know, and when asked, he replied--- "In a theater near you!!"

I'll never forget this one and it's like 10 years ago. My family was at Disney and my (now ex-)wife had the stroller with my youngest son. Instead of going through the turnstiles they open the gate for the stroller.

My older son says, "Mom did they open the gate because your butt's so big?" I almost lost it.

My son, 3 or 4 years old.
My mom, bringing presents to her first born grandson.

"Tom, come on to the truck, I brought you some presents."

They both go out with me in tow. My mom opens the back and starts pulling out shirts, sweatshirts, and other cool clothing from her trip.

"Grandma Judy, those aren't presents. Move, I'll find them for you."

Much to his pleasure, my mom ended up taking the boy out for his own ice cream treat.

One of my coworkers brought his 16 year old son into work on "bring a kid to work" day.

As required, his son had to sign in on the visitors sheet. Under the column for company he filled in "Burger King".

CW

For fire safety week at school there were weekend tours of the firehouse. After the the tour my daughter proudly proclaimed "I'm going to be a fire hydrant when I grow up".

Not a Christmas goes by without someone getting her some sort of fire fighting gift. She kind of looks forward to it now.

Grand Daughter: Dad, can we get another dog?

Son: No, we have two and we don't have enough space for another dog.

Grand Daughter: We would have enough space if we got rid of you.

So my sons and I were in my best friend's wedding

I was the best man, they were groomsmen


So we had to go get tried on for tuxes. At the time my oldest was 8 and my youngest 4. The youngest also has a raging case of ADHD

This meant tux try on was going to be...interesting


So I make them go first getting measured and fitted. It means I can control one while the other gets done. But the inevitable comes that is my turn

They go to occupy themselves in the three panel mirror. The store is dead besides us, and a large black woman with her sons trying on church choir gear

So they are making goofy faces and enjoying the infinite views the mirror provides by reflecting themselves when I hear my oldest say

"here's my belly!" And he lifts his shirt and is treated to infinite views of his belly

Not to be outdone, the 4 year old promptly goes

"Here's my PENIS!" And drops his drawers


I thought we were going to need the paramedics for the large black woman

I have no doubt there were some prayers said for the souls of my kids that Sunday

quote:

Originally posted by LS1 GTO:
My son, 3 or 4 years old.
My mom, bringing presents to her first born grandson.

"Tom, come on to the truck, I brought you some presents."

They both go out with me in tow. My mom opens the back and starts pulling out shirts, sweatshirts, and other cool clothing from her trip.

"Grandma Judy, those aren't presents. Move, I'll find them for you."

Much to his pleasure, my mom ended up taking the boy out for his own ice cream treat.

Pssst, check out the third post down on the first page. It's like deja vu, but now with ice cream.

quote:

Originally posted by Kevbo:
So my sons and I were in my best friend's wedding

I was the best man, they were groomsmen


So we had to go get tried on for tuxes. At the time my oldest was 8 and my youngest 4. The youngest also has a raging case of ADHD

This meant tux try on was going to be...interesting


So I make them go first getting measured and fitted. It means I can control one while the other gets done. But the inevitable comes that is my turn

They go to occupy themselves in the three panel mirror. The store is dead besides us, and a large black woman with her sons trying on church choir gear

So they are making goofy faces and enjoying the infinite views the mirror provides by reflecting themselves when I hear my oldest say

"here's my belly!" And he lifts his shirt and is treated to infinite views of his belly

Not to be outdone, the 4 year old promptly goes

"Here's my PENIS!" And drops his drawers


I thought we were going to need the paramedics for the large black woman

I have no doubt there were some prayers said for the souls of my kids that Sunday

That is pure gold right there. Impressive. I just read it to my wife. I laughed continuously for 5 mins. I think this image is going to pop in and out of my head for the next couple days. That just takes the whole cake.

At a dinner with guests, six year old perks up and blurts, "My mom has stopped drinking soda so her tummy won't be so fat." After a brief pause, she adds, "Its not working, though."

Same 6 year old is telling me about Sunday school and going to heaven and getting all new, perfect bodies. I say, "Great. This pinkie finger I broke won't hurt anymore." She says, "And you'll be thin and have all your hair back."

Mother-in-law (age 85) is visiting and tells this 6 year old how she can't wait to visit again when the 6 year old is a teenager. Girl says, "That won't work." MIL says, "Why not?" Girl replies, "You'll be dead by then." Fortunately, not the case.

One of my 5 year old daughter's friends was coming for a play date. Girl and her mom rang the doorbell. I answered, and in my typical fashion began to pull the little girl's leg a bit by saying, "I'm so glad you're here. My daughter says you love to pull weeds and we have a whole day's worth of weed pulling to do." Girl says, "Well aren't you full of BS." And she didn't abbreviate it, she blurted out the full expression. Mom went ballistic, telling the girl, "You don't ever talk like that! You never say something like that to ANYBODY!!" Girl says, "But you say that to daddy all the time." I actually heard the mom's teeth click as she shut her mouth. It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

When my son and daughter were about 5 and 3, respectively, we were at a local playground. I was sitting down on a bench and the kids were behind me. I heard my daughter start to cry, so I began to get up to investigate. I heard my son say, "You hurt my sister." Then a loud smack and another kid started crying. I sat right back down. Problem solved. They're now 28 and 30 and still very close.

The wife and I were eating lunch on the outside patio of a restaurant, and a family with a young boy came a took one of the tables. The boy was well behaved, but he was loud, very loud. The Mom, a little embarrassed, told him to use his inside voice. The kid's face got all scrunched up and you could tell he was thinking really hard. after about 15 seconds, he said "but it's outside".

Last week on our daddy/daughter road trip we were eastbound on I-40 east of Holbrook. We see a car pull over to the shoulder, the driver's door fly open, the driver run to the back of the car, not bothering to seek out a bush or a rock to save dignity, drop his shorts and proceed to take a dump on the side of the freeway. We both started laughing uncontrollably. Later in the trip as were driving through New Mexico at every single historical maker on the side of the road, my daughter would quip,

"I wonder what famous person took a dump here?"

When my youngest son was 3 he had gotten in trouble. His mother was reading him the riot act when he scrunched up his face and said "On the contrary!". We both were stunned and laughed so hard she forgot what she was mad about.