My wife has suffered from severe depression most of her life, she is 53. Early December 2017 her school told her that they were splitting up her work day and she would teach in one school in the morning and drive 15 miles to teach in another school in our district in the afternoon. We both work in a County Vocational School with 7 high schools. I am retired and now work as substitute and works all of the 7 schools assigned. She teaches math and is a licensed engineer.
For whatever reason, her change of schedule triggered and made her depression so bad that the doctors wanted her to agree to be put in a hospital for 8 weeks but couldn't force her since she is not suicidal. She took off work using accrued sick time to go to an outpatient clinic which lasted 6 weeks.

I was sent to one of the schools to work and the union rep who guided her on taking a leave asked for a meeting with me and the principal. At the beginning of the meeting the union rep was told the principal and I are cousins. The union rep told me it didn't look good that my wife took the family leave act as she was about to be transferred. I told him I understood why they would think that but my interest is that my wife gets the help she needs. When home, she is in bed as soon as she walks in the door and has lost 30 lbs. from hardly eating. I explained all this to the principal and union rep. The principal (cousin) said the import thing is that my wife gets better. Union Rep again says this doesn't look good to the Board of Education. Point made.

I have since that first meeting worked at that school 4 times over the course of a month, each time the Rep saying this doesn't look good. I do believe that he is looking out so my wife doesn't get fired, almost impossible with her tenure and years in the district. IMO, he doesn't have experience with someone with a disorder like hers and thinks she should just get back to work.

While back at another of the districts high schools that my wife worked at for 10 years, everyone wishes her well and hopes she gets better (she is on her way slowly, has returned to work and goes 3 nights a week as an outpatient). So, at her old school I was asked how did I like working at the school where the union Rep works. (these schools are very competitive with each other) I replied that I like the school but would like to avoid the Rep as I'm sick of his asking me to tell my wife she should go back to work.

Yesterday, I again worked at the school with the Rep and he refused to say hello to me 3 times as we passed in the hallway. We were the only 2 people, no students. I think that a teacher that I told that I would like to avoid the Rep, told that to the Rep. Okay, my bad, I shouldn't have said that and kept it to myself.
As I was leaving school, I once again ran into the Rep who gave me a fuck you look. I was about to confront him when the principal came out of the office and we all just went our ways.

I know, long rant, I should have kept it to myself, but now with this Rep openly giving me an attitude, do I confront him or ignore him? Cousin or no cousin, I couldn't expect her to back me up and I wouldn't want to get her involved. I would lose my job without question. Losing this job, I would also lose my DoD security clearance. I don't even want to mention this to my cousin. My problem is I am someone who wants to settle things and move on instead of avoiding a confrontation. My wife suggests just ignoring him and eventually over time talk thing over.

Any suggestins on how to handle this?

I have no similar experience to draw upon with regard to union issues etc but I do know unresolved problems can fester. I would approach the union rep and squash this before he takes steps that he can't take back.

I'd probably go to his office directly, and tell him that you want to talk to him about this. Explain that you said something off the cuff and upon reflection that wasn't a wise or kind thing to do, and that your avoidance of him had nothing to do with him personally and everything to do with your perception that he was not in tune with your situation, which raised your stress level. I would further apologize for saying anything to anyone else besides him, and ask him to please not hold that against your wife in the future. Ask what can be done to remedy the damage he (obviously) thinks was done.

That's just me, and I've had to own a few times that I stepped in it then put that foot in my mouth. Never fun, but sometimes fixes and even strengthens this type fractured relationship.

Take him to Tijuana, get him seriously drunk, and place him in a pre-paid taxi heading south.

I am sorry for what you and your wife are going through

I would set up a meeting and ask him if he has a problem with you. Put it on his plate. I never was good at pollytickin.

We used to have a saying in the prison system: "There are no secrets in a prison".

It's too late now, but in the future keep to your self opinions of others you work with.

Isn't a Union Rep supposed to be an advocate for the employee? (In this case, your wife) It doesn't sound like this numbskull is doing a very good job of that.

quote:

Originally posted by arfmel:
Isn't a Union Rep supposed to be an advocate for the employee? (In this case, your wife) It doesn't sound like this numbskull is doing a very good job of that.

That is my exact thought.
I'm not in the union, so he is nothing to me besides a teacher in the building.

First thing I would attend is workman's comp. And NEVER accept the first answer.

as to the rep, I wouldn't confront him. You could however speak to him in private and have a dialogue with him.

Let him know that you want to have a cordial, professional relationship with him and ask if he has any issues with you.

If it turns out that what you said about not wanting to work in the school as you want to avoid him, then you ought to apologize. That wasn't a very professional thing to say and it does make him look bad. I don't understand why you would have been so vocal about your feelings when you were simply asked if you wanted to work in the school.

As far as your wife is concerned, wouldn't her situation be covered under some medical work policy especially since she is undergoing medical treatment? I've known of people who went on medical leave for similar conditions.

Good luck to you both. I know it must be a strain on you to have your wife being depressed. I know it was hard on my wife when I was in the dumps.

quote:

My wife suggests just ignoring him and eventually over time talk thing over.

Listen to your wife.
Union rep sounds a bit flaky; guided her on taking a leave and now wants to tell you and your cousin it doesn't look good. Then 4 more times tells you that you should talk to her about returning. What's up with that BS

You spoke your mind when ask how you felt working in the same building as the rep, nothing wrong with that.

I would ignore and avoid the dummy.

There are no assurances speaking to him about it will make things better, and they could make things worse. I think I'd just remain polite, and not bring it up.

Either he'll get over it, or he won't.

Be professional.

Don't act like a child even if he does.

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I don't understand how these things work. You aren't in the union, but your wife is. It seems unprofessional of the union rep to be talking to you about your wife's situation. Like I said, what do I know?

God bless you and your wife.

Ignore him, he's inconsequential and if your comment was conveyed verbatim, I see no point.

Be polite, courteous and move on.

However, after the second "it doesn't look good" I would have replied "So we should get a lawyer?".

That would have frosted that.

Best wishes to your wife and to you.
Keep the faith and persevere, this will pass.

All the schools I work at are pretty small, my guess is about 300 students max at the biggest. I will see people sometimes for 3-4 days a week, then not see them for a few weeks while at other schools. When I was at the one school eating lunch, I'm always asked how my wife is doing since she worked there for 10 years. Then the conversation will usually turn to "so where have you been working"? That's when I put my foot in my mouth by telling where I had been and that while I like the school, I really don't want to get a reminder to talk to my wife about coming back to work and her job could be on the line.

quote:If it turns out that what you said about not wanting to work in the school as you want to avoid him, then you ought to apologize. That wasn't a very professional thing to say and it does make him look bad. I don't understand why you would have been so vocal about your feelings when you were simply asked if you wanted to work in the school."

It's an association thing, when I think about the school, I along with other thoughts think about the Union Rep.



I have a sick wife, daughter with cancer and would like to not think about these things ALL the time. Rey HRH is right, it wasn't professional thing to say.

Accrued sick time and FMLA are not the same. Union or not you can take up to 12 weeks unpaid FMLA a year.There are steps that have to be followed but if they are they cant be denied.Why was the Rep discussing your Wife's issues with you?

quote:

Originally posted by triggertreat:
Accrued sick time and FMLA are not the same. Union or not you can take up to 12 weeks unpaid FMLA a year.There are steps that have to be followed but if they are they cant be denied.Why was the Rep discussing your Wife's issues with you?

She took the FMLA so she would be protected. While we are middle income, using sick days gave us the paychecks every two weeks.
I don't know why the Union Rep thought I could talk my wife into coming back, I had told him see needs to do whatever it takes to make her get well. Right from the start I made it clear to my wife that she has to make her decision and I would not sway the direction she decided to go whether it be to go into a hospital for 8 weeks or do an outpatient program. She is at the night program right now.

If she is just taking accrued sick leave, I highly suggest she file for FMLA!!!!
Sounds like someone is out to get her fired.

Ignore him get her approved for FMLA ASAP.
If she is seeking treatment this should be no issue.

The School Board did grant her family leave.
I should have explained another detail. We have block scheduling. She was told toward the last 1/3 of the fall block that she would have to work the two schools. The Rep wanted her back weeks before the block ended so it didn't look like she took leave to avoid the transfer. I can see how people might think that. But they don't live with and see how depressed my wife was. I would rather have seen my wife fired than being so depressed and the feeling of hopelessness that she went through.