Policeman Wins One!
(You may have heard this...)

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo !

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms.

The tirade goes on and on without the officer saying anything.

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, That s so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole !"

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light.

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?"

Officer responds, Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make ?"

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined."

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer ?"

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."

"Aggressive and hostile ?"

"Yes, Sir.

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole?"

Well, Sir, you know your client better than I do.

How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client?

I love that one!

Nice.
Heard the one about the cop who stopped a guy for doing a "rolling stop" at an intersection.
They driver is somewhat belligerent and says, hey, I slowed down, that's the same as stopping.

The cop pulls out his night stick and starts beating the guy on the head.

Tell me sir, he says. Do you want me to slow down, or do you want me to stop?

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late fifties.

"May I help you sir" she asked.

The man replied, " I want to see Valarie."

"Sir, Valarie is one of our most expensive ladies.Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam. He replied, "No, I must see Valarie."

Just then the stunning Valarie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5000.00 a visit. Without hesitation the man pulled out five thousand dollars, gave it to Valarie, and they went upstairs. After an hour the man calmly left.

The next night the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valarie. Valarie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still $5000.00." Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valarie, and they went upstairs. In an hour he left again.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valarie and they went upstairs.

After their session Valarie asked the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.Where are you from?" The man replied, "New Brunswick".

"Really," she said. " I have family in New Brunswick."

" I know." The man said. "Your sister died and I am her Attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is...

There are three things in life that are certain: Death, taxes, and being screwed by a lawyer.

^^^^
HA!

Cop pulls over a woman for speeding, gathers her information and ingnores her flirtations.

The officer goes to his car for a few minutes and returns.

The lady bats her eyelashes and says "I've always heard you officers don't write pretty ladies tickets".

The Officer replies: "That's correct, ma'am. Sign here but press firmly, it's three copies".




The stop sign one above is my favorite, though.