Thank God that you had the courage to take care of yourself. In the long run you will be better off.

I read it as well, and wish you the best. Taking the path you did may be the harder one, but it's probably the right one since it sounds like you knew where your previous path was headed

Please keep us updated. And hang in there.

This is a very relevant post to my family right now. My SIL, who was out on forced disability from her Dept of corrections job committed suicide today.
I am thankful that YOU did not take that ultimate and very selfish step. You did the right thing by getting help. Prayers and hopes for you.

I read your post.

The question I ask is personal and I will fully understand if you do not answer.
If you wish, you can email, or choose not to do so.

Do you currently have good a good mental health counselor?

(and my opinion)

If not, please find one. You may need to "shop" hard and be very particular that the person you speak to and you "connect".

A lot of people in the mental health profession are there trying to unscramble their eggs, and using those who seek them as a sort of proxies of themselves.

Most people who have made it through their twenties with life long depression, typically are more adept at understanding what makes them tick, but need some guidance at understanding and recognizing what they know and how to put it to good use day in and day out.

Proper nutrition, good sleep, exercise and a proper structure in life are key to managing depression.

And yes, you can be happy and content while still having the "darkness" around you.

You simply have to learn how to have a grip on your reality, and control it like a pitbull.


I will also keep you in prayer.

You made a very difficult and very correct decision. There are a lot of ways your story could have ended but getting to hit the reset button is one of the best. Get yourself in a good place mentally and you will be surprised where you end up. I would suggest also finding something bigger than yourself to believe in - it has helped me keep things in perspective when nothing else did.

I too, read it all, Chad. I believe as others here have said, you will find a better job, one that you can live with. And be much better for it.
Just coming here with this post sounds like a pretty healthy step to me. It seems to me that there are lots of LEO's here who can truly say they know exactly how you feel. If you are seeing a therapist, I would let them read this thread and tell you if they think it's healthy and helpful.

And on the practical side, I second the recommendation to find a labor attorney. That outcome was likely probably factored in by the department lawyer when they let you go.

There's lots of help out there. Sometimes it'll seem to come out of nowhere. A person reading this right now could wind up having a positive influence. Just having let people know you need a help can make just about anything possible, so thanks for posting. And keep your chin up, this too shall pass.

chadw659, I read your post and it was a tough one to read. I have had several friends who were in a similar situation. I don't think they were as centered as you seem to be, and any situation like this is going to be life-changing.

You will be in my prayers and I wish you the best-

I have friends that have told me similar stories. Good you are posting. Keep in touch with the forum. Continue doing things that keep you comfortable for a bit and then move forward when you are ready. You will find a better way to spend your days when you are ready for it.

quote:

Originally posted by sigmonkey:
I read your post.

The question I ask is personal and I will fully understand if you do not answer.
If you wish, you can email, or choose not to do so.

Do you currently have good a good mental health counselor?

Yes. I see a therapist every two weeks. We seem to get along well and she tolerates my constant attempt to turn things into a debate. As you said, I have learned to dissect my own mind and personality, which has made things worse over time. I used to spend most of my time dissecting everything in my life and rehashing old conversations for hours.

Dude....

you also need to talk to someone at your retirement benefits as you may have grounds for a medical retirement....

and I wish you luck with your issues.

Chad,
You have been through so much, I applaud you and you decisions to seek help when you truly needed it. I am praying for you an a positive outcome with your pension.

I had a duty related injury ending my 21 yrs as an LEO. This was back in ‘99. I became a substitute teacher, then got hired on full time as an instructor teaching group home boys that could not be mainstreamed because of their behavior. I did this for 10 years. My point is there are many other jobs out there. Please take care of yourself that is #1. If you need someone to talk to and listen feel free to email me.

Sometimes we have to take a step, or two, back before we can move forward again. I applaud your self awareness and courage to make the decisions you made and to take the steps you're taking.
As mentioned, exercise, proper nutrition work wonders for many. Daily prayers/meditations often help too.

Sorry for your hardship, but you are making good decisions. Hopefully you can find a better path that works for you

i too read your entire post.

I want to first commend you for the action you took. It took a lot of courage and humility. More than most of us have. Trust me. You are a damn good man. I based that on both of those tributes. You did, what most could never do.

I am not a leo nor have ever been.

I have read many posts here from those that are over the years though. I would say you are in serious need of representation. I suspect you have rights that were not exercised on your behalf during this scenario.

I doubt very seriously you could basically be dumped because of a mental illness diagnosis.

It sounds like your interactions were basically with people who had a vested interest moving on from you instead of helping you.

You need to get some help from some folks who have your best interest at heart.


Prayers sent for you and for some good things moving forward for you.

Chad, I read everything you wrote. Sorry, you got screwed. But, hang in there, man. When you're already at the bottom, things can only get better. Good luck and God Bless.

tough read

I recognize a lot of that

hang in there - I was lucky and got some help from someone who figured it out

I too read your post.

I wish you blessings and ultimately happiness in your difficult journey. I can't say that I understand what you are going through and hope that I never get into a situation where I experience it. Hang in there and remember that even though we are possibly far away geographically we are only a few keystrokes away in reality.

God bless you.

Take care of yourself. Hopefully you are feeling better in the new job as it may have less stress. Have and involve a support group. Words are so easy to say but this 'speed bump' in life will be a learning experience and make you a better person in the end. Hang in there, rooting for you.

Chad, I, too, read your entire post.

We humans adapt. One door closes, many more open.

And keep in mind your friends at SigForum are here for discussion, lamenting, bitching, listening, advice, or whatever.

I know that if I had stayed in law enforcement i would have the very same issues. My F.T.O went through something similar. I saw his down ward spiral a few short months after finishing my training. It was a beacon call to me to leave. I can look back fondly at the time i had. I do not miss it one bit.

I wanted to read this. It was a very good read, i can honestly say that I understand the hopelessness. The feelings of despair. Below is how i moved on.


For me, i set a small goals. Weekend buisness, schedule 2 jobs a month. That became 20 a month prior to me selling the buisness. I now read alot, 15 to 30 books per subject. 12 to 20 books a month. I do as much as I can with my hands. I focus on getting my kids where they need to go, my wife what she needs and wants. It helps. It is not perfect, it is a good life.