Good luck. Sometimes things can be fixed, sometimes they can't. Figure out if you are in camp 1 or camp 2 and act accordingly. If camp 1, do whatever it takes. If camp 2 do whatever it takes to protect yourself.
You got a lot of people pulling for you.
A couple SIGs and a few others
tatortodd beat me to it! Fireproof can open eyes and hearts, and the book can change your marriage/life if you follow through with it. I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through, you'll be in my prayers.
Perhaps it's time to take a vacation together. Sometimes people get into the same rut, week after week and it just gets old and boring. Somewhere romantic, a cruise possibly, who knows..... let loose and see if you can recreate the magic.
Hope for the best for you and that things work out.
That said, I am divorced 3X. Happy now. And no more for me. The loss is too hard on me!
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
Of the many friends I have, many of their wives get the divorce virus around 20 years. If one catches it others generally do too. Stinks. Try to work it out, but if that fails don't loose your cool and do your best to protect the kids if any.
You probably don't want to hear but don't be like myself on the first marriage.
Warning signs ,I had my head in the sand,after all we had been married for 23 years.
Take proactive steps,cards banks etc.
I was put out by the sheriff with ten minutes to gather some cloths and suits for work.
I had seven dollars and a busted bank account.
Talk to the meanest lawyer you can find and be aware he will always try to give her what her lawyer wants.
Like half your retirement the house ,the land and all your assets you worked so hard for the family future.
Plus all the card debts.
If she is in this state of mind she probably has someone else in her future and you are the last to know,I know I certainly was.
I've felt that way a few times in our 37 years of marriage. However, after laying my cards on the table (gently), it was denied and the things I like in our relationship were reinforced by her doing those things. I just had to remind her what I needed and liked. Things would get on trac and be even better than before.
If you think it's going bad and you can afford it, I'd recommend couples counseling. What I have seen is that for folks that are going to split anyway, their splits are a hell of a lot less acrimonious and angry when they do.
Good luck man, it's got to be a painful thing.
perhaps better days are ahead friend?
I say this, as I've been there.
At times things seemed stark, now..one of the BEST things that ever happened.
Certainly more interesting times ahead if it goes sideways. I'm not really worried about assets in a divorce. The assets I have to protect have been already before I was born as part of the trust they exist in.
thank you all for the advice/ good thoughts/ prayers.
The philosophy of protectionism is a philosophy of war. - Ludwig von Mises
I worked with a guy who worked lot's overtime. He was in his late 30', married with two kids, a mortgage and wanted to be debt free, which would include house payments.
His wife said she was OK with him working so much.
So with money in a joint account, debts nearly cleaned up, he comes home one day after working a double shift to find an empty house. Wife, kids, furniture all gone.
She had found someone else and had planned to move out.
He told me her complaint was "He was never home".
"Avoid the rush. Procrastinate now".
|Watch this space|
You could go through all these steps, but she will just say to little too late, and take half your shit anyway. Just move on, only next time dont put all your stuff up as proof of your love. Marriage is dead.
Death Before Disco
|It's not you,|
It's not too late...just make sure you're happy with yourself.
If you're not happy with yourself and what you're doing, how can someone else be happy with you?
|Once a Marine, |
always a Marine
To the OP:
Very sorry to read this, it is not that many years ago I felt like you do right now. Part of it was my own doing (unintended) and part of it was due to the deep depression that she suffered from.
We were able to work it out and our marriage is stronger now than it's ever been. (18 years this August).
My email is in my profile, feel free to bend an ear if you do not want to hash out the details on the public forum. I've been there sir, assuming you still love her, there is no worse feelings.
All it takes...is all you got.
For those who have fought for it, Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know
Sincerest hopes that you find a way to make things work.
But, please make some mental preparations to protect yourself/your interests in the event things don't work out. (I know - that's tough to think about - but you are worth it)
Never shoot a large caliber man with a small caliber bullet . . .
We've lost several friends because of their divorces. And each time it was the woman who initiated the action.
Which reminds me...women are far more emotionally able to deal with divorces than men. They can be cold about the whole thing. Once they make up their mind they go ahead with little or no remorse.
We bruise much easier. Whether it's a divorce or splitting with a GF, we feel the hurt more than they do and much longer also.
Sort of counter intuitive, but females are not the weaker sex at least in this regard.
NRA Life Member
Member Isaac Walton League
I wouldn't let anyone do to me what I've done to myself
|Unapologetic Old |
The thing that saved my marriage was a simple question.... Do you want to be together? We asked and realized it was time for a truly honest answer from each other.
Talk to her, not confrontational but sincerely and demand total honesty. After several wasted years we knew it was time to either walk away or work it out, no more just going along.
- "This town reminds me of something in the bible."
- "Which part?"
- "The part right before god gets angry"
At the risk of seeming cynical, in my experience, women do not jump ship until they have already planned a soft landing. If you love your wife, it is difficult to believe that despite her unhappiness, she would do anything behind your back. Unfortunately, all too often that trust is misplaced . Try to talk to her but like the Boy Scouts, be prepared. Watch the accounts and invest in a discussion with the best divorce lawyer in town. If he seems hesitant to talk with you, he's probably already talked to her .
|Equal Opportunity Mocker|
For us, this. Stopping to verbalize your frustration will sometimes help both realize you're willing to change.
"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving."
-Dr. Adrian Rogers
I dealt with this feeling on numerous occasions ,
for 10 years , turns out I linked up with the least demonstrative female in nine states.
34 years later we are still very much in love ,
would it kill her to be the first one to say I love you , or thanks for being here for me or any damn thing ?
Safety, Situational Awareness and proficiency.
Neck Ties, Hats and ammo brass, Never ,ever touch'em w/o asking first
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