I am still fortunate enough to have maintained a great relationship with one of my oldest and best friends. We have known each other since 6th grade and been through a ton of shit together both good and bad.

Part of my friendship with this person was a closeness I had with his family. His Dad used to take us skiiing, taught me how to shoot and was an all around good guy.

Having a sometimes rocky relationship with my own Dad I really appreciated the relationship I had with my buddies Dad, so much so in fact that when my friends mom connected with me on Facebook and we were catching up I told her that I owed her husband a lot for all he did for me.

I have not seen this man in probably 20 years and live 2000 miles away but last night I found out that he has been talking shit about me and putting me down to the extent my friend pretty much told him to fuck off and walked out of a family event over it.

I am beyond hurt and insulted over this and truly do not understand it...I have never done a thing to this man except respect him and I am confused why, after all this time he is harboring some kind of ill feelings towards me.

How old is he ? Maybe he's got some Alz/dementia going on ?

Why did your friend's mother choose this moment to contact you after so many years?

quote:

Originally posted by newtoSig765:
Why did your friend's mother choose this moment to contact you after so many years?

He is 70 and in great health and his mom connected on facebook when she got on it a while ago

Pure speculation, but maybe he is bitter over not seeing you in the last 20 years.

If you felt like he was a surrogate father, he may feel slighted by you not treating him like a surrogate son.

quote:

Originally posted by LDD:
Pure speculation, but maybe he is bitter over not seeing you in the last 20 years.

If you felt like he was a surrogate father, he may feel slighted by you not treating him like a surrogate son.

+1
Or perhaps bitter that his wife reached out to you? As an earlier poster said, why did she choose this time?

Meh, maybe he wasn't as great after all.

Communication is a 2 way street. If neither side tries, neither side has rights to be pissed IMO.

Another problem created by Facebook. There is no substitute for sitting down face to face with someone to figure things out like this.

Many people have terrible skills in written communication and social media makes it worse.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:

Many people have terrible skills in written communication and social media makes it worse.

+1

Lots of trouble, social media is.

I can talk shit about you all day, it's what I do for you that counts. That's my motto.

It's been 20 years since you've seen him, he really isn't a part of your life anymore. Don't be butthurt over what you heard he said about you. Appreciate what he did for you.

People suck.
Survive and advance.

Maybe his motives and thoughts at the time were not what you thought they were at the time. Nevertheless, you made lemonade from lemons. Who cares if the lemon tree wasn't as pretty as you remember.

Call him up. Talk it over

quote:

Originally posted by pbramlett:
Call him up. Talk it over

Someone he hasn't seen in 20 years, over something so and so says he said?

I guess I just don't have time in my life for that kind of non-sense.

Not to mention, what was the context. All my military buddies talk smack about each other, even to our faces, from time to time. When drinks flow, the stories get told larger than life, and things can be misconstrued.

(Overhead) "Oh yeah, old so and so, this one time he royally screwed the pooch. Anyone who saw what happened would think he's a real asshole" (not heard a little while later) "but he's one loyal sonofabitch, would walk through hell for you, great guy".

JMO, anyway.

quote:

made lemonade from lemons

I would propose that that's the easy part.

Making lemons from lemonade is a challenge. Especially if you throw the seeds away.

Brush it off. Hard to do sometimes but it can be done.
I would say that if he has no bearing or effect on your life, it would be easy.
It hurts but what's done is done. Reach out or drop it.

Maybe he knows you're right wing and he's taken a hard left turn in his old age? The political rancor we're all so familiar with from the left combined with a little dementia maybe?

I had a very similar relationship with a family from 7th grade onward. Both his sons are very good friends. The best in fact. I am even godfather to one of his grand-daughters. This man was a USAF FAC and tanker pilot with tours in VN. Very conservative but his sons (also conservatives) tell me his politics took an extreme left sometime after his wife passed in 2005. They tell me he voted for BHO both times. That it is just sad, and not to ever try to talk politics with him at all.

It reflects him, not you.

Walk away.

20 yrs out means you both already walked away. Forget about it.

Maybe all those years ago he resented you being part of his relationship with his father, and with the fullness of time, and the distance of separation - plus the bluntness that comes with age, he has simply expressed what he has come to realize he felt back then.

On the other hand, I have lots of cousins with whom I grew up and was very close with, yet now, some 50 years later I don't always relate tales of our youthful activities while casting them in the most positive light....

Kevmo, let it go. This is your friend's father, not your friend. If his son has called him out on this, that is as far as it should go.

Now that being said, IF and only IF your friend's father's were being quoted as part of a background investigation that could affect your future in some way, now that is when I would confront him in this matter.

Mental issues are a real possibility, Dementia,Alzheimer's, CVA aka stroke and probably some others I forget now. I have witnessed first hand those from family members. Maybe he is channeling some resentment towards his son through you, maybe regrets that he did not spend enough one on one time with him. Who knows?

Regardless, people that know you are not going to be swayed by his musings or rants and raves, take your choice.