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Member
Picture of vthoky
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by bobtheelf:
I've got some ideas, but let me bubble them up and see what comes back.


Careful... that could just be indigestion. Or gas. Eek



Support our troops, and our veterans.
Go Hokies!
New favorite quote from the golf course: "It's not the club, son."
 
Posts: 9125 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never Go
Full Retard
Picture of MitchbSC
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by ridgerat:
"Onboarding."

I still refer to it as training.


Training's too expensive and implies someone took a class. Onboarding is what we do to get new hires to work a full 40-60 hours a week and spend their after-hours personal time finding the resources they need to succeed in their role.




They don't think it be like it is, but it do.
 
Posts: 4763 | Location: SC - along the PSA wagon trail | Registered: January 27, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
In the yahd, not too
fah from the cah
Picture of ryan81986
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Leemur:
The one that got me at my last job was “opportunities.” Roll Eyes


Yep, there are no problems, only opportunities. They think taking the negative phrasing out will make people not realize they're pissed off at the stupid shit that doesn't work.

Also, "value add"

And "huddles" Stupid, pointless, god damn ridiculous huddles. I worked for a large multinational company that brought in some German firm to change up the business process and make it better. It had to have cost them multiple millions of dollars between the cost of the firm and all the changes they implemented.

The bigger bosses didn't appreciate it when I said that someone at home office should be fired if we had to hire an outside firm to tell us how to run our own fucking business. But anyway one of the things they brought in was the idea of huddles. Daily meetings at all levels to drivel on over nonsense.

Shortly after that was implemented I walked into a Dunkin Donuts one day and I glanced into the open backroom door and they had a damned huddle board. It's Dunkin Donuts... make the food, and sell it... What more needs to be discussed?




 
Posts: 5681 | Location: Metro West, MA | Registered: March 28, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Run Silent
Run Deep

Picture of Patriot
posted Hide Post
What’s our calorie burn?...we need to make sure we have the bandwidth.


_____________________________
Pledge allegiance or pack your bag!
The problem with Socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money. - Margaret Thatcher
Spread my work ethic, not my wealth
 
Posts: 5750 | Location: South East, Pa | Registered: July 04, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Three Generations
of Service
Picture of PHPaul
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by ryan81986:

And "huddles" Stupid, pointless, god damn ridiculous huddles.

<snip>

Shortly after that was implemented I walked into a Dunkin Donuts one day and I glanced into the open backroom door and they had a damned huddle board. It's Dunkin Donuts... make the food, and sell it... What more needs to be discussed?


Oh, good. I thought I was the only one. Both WalMart and the local grocery chain do them. I hear it over the PA: "All associates, there will be a huddle in front of the XXX in 5 minutes".

Really? How about you huddle your stupid ass in front of a friggin' cash register and check me out so I can get on with my life?

I wouldn't last past the first "huddle" if I had to work in a place like that. Pretty sure "Fuck your huddle, I've got work to do" would be the last words I uttered as an employee.




Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
 
Posts: 11764 | Location: Downeast Maine | Registered: March 10, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Age Quod Agis
Picture of ArtieS
posted Hide Post
quote:
Also: charette.

Da fuq? Had to google that one.

There's some awfully stupid stuff that goes on in the corporate speak universe. I'm ok with some of it as insider shorthand, such as "stakeholder", or "onboarding" but much of it is idiotic.

One of my particular hates is "bake in".



"We may consent to be governed, but we will not be ruled." - Kevin D. Williamson, 2012

"All the citizens of this land are of right freemen; they owe no allegiance to any class and should recognize no task-masters. Under the chart of their liberties, under the law of high heaven, they are free and without shackles on their limbs nor mortgages upon the fruits of their brain or muscles; they bow down before no prince, potentate, or sovereign, nor kiss the royal robes of any crowned head; they render homage only to their God and should pay tribute only to their Government. Such at least is the spirit of our institutions, the character of our written national compact."

Charles Triplett O’Ferrall of Virginia - In Congress, May 1, 1888
 
Posts: 10072 | Location: Central Florida | Registered: November 02, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Mind share. What?

I work in with utilities and oil & gas. Still rather traditional. Not much BS thankfully.


P229
 
Posts: 2785 | Location: Sacramento, CA | Registered: November 21, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Happiness is
Vectored Thrust
Picture of mojojojo
posted Hide Post
I swear sometimes I want to throw out some quotes from the movie 12 Angry Men just to see if any of these corporate cretins would even pick up on it. Something like “let’s throw it out on the stoop and see if the cat licks it up.”



Icarus flew too close to the sun, but at least he flew.
 
Posts: 5934 | Location: North Carolina | Registered: April 30, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of vthoky
posted Hide Post
Let's add "pain point" and "ladder up," please.
I just heard those in a news report on cashless businesses.
Oh! "Unbanked" was a new one to me too.



Support our troops, and our veterans.
Go Hokies!
New favorite quote from the golf course: "It's not the club, son."
 
Posts: 9125 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
Picture of egregore
posted Hide Post
Synergistic integration!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR3xc1Hm_Fc

Even though I have only worked for small businesses for many years, sometimes this "corporate lingo" filters down to them. One ex-boss liked to use "conversation" or "chat" as a euphemism for an ass-chewing. Another was fond of having meetings. (I believe it was Thomas Sowell who said that people who enjoy having meetings should never be in charge of anything. Boy, was he right.) In one, he crumpled up a piece of paper into a wad, called it "the ball" and passed it around to see who caught it, picked it up and ran with it, or dropped it.
 
Posts: 22272 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
On the DL
Picture of V-Tail
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by egregore:

In one [meeting], he crumpled up a piece of paper into a wad, called it "the ball" and passed it around to see who caught it, picked it up and ran with it, or dropped it.
I probably would have been fired on the spot, for taking the "ball" when it got to me, tossing it into the waste basket for a two-pointer, and asking, "is there anything useful that we have to discuss, or can we get back to work?"



A mind is a terrible thing.
 
Posts: 21182 | Location: Central Florida (near Orlando) | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
member
Picture of henryaz
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by PKFan:
How about "net new"

I've also run across "net net".



all your sig are belong to us
 
Posts: 8830 | Location: South Congress AZ | Registered: May 27, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished
posted Hide Post
"I'll find a resource to work on that project."

I am not an f'ing "resource."
 
Posts: 3872 | Location: NC | Registered: December 20, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of rtquig
posted Hide Post
You need to have more skin in the game! Why, will I get part of the company?


Living the Dream
 
Posts: 3288 | Location: New Jersey | Registered: December 06, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of .38supersig
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by bobtheelf:
I've got some ideas beans and a swimming pool, let me bubble them up and see what comes back.


This was how I read it. Most new ideas remind me of something else.



My other Sig is a Steyr...
 
Posts: 4526 | Location: Somewhere looking for ammo that nobody has at a place I haven't been to for a pistol I couldn't live without... | Registered: December 02, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Web Clavin Extraordinaire
Picture of Oat_Action_Man
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by ArtieS:
quote:
Also: charette.

Da fuq? Had to google that one.



Precisely what I had to do the first time it was used by our overpaid consultant. Wink


----------------------------

Chuck Norris put the laughter in "manslaughter"

Educating the youth of America, one declension at a time.
 
Posts: 18243 | Location: SE PA | Registered: January 12, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of vthoky
posted Hide Post
quote:
charette


To perhaps save some others of us some time, a copy-and-paste from dictionary.com:

Charette

noun
a final, intensive effort to finish a project, especially an architectural design project, before a deadline.



Support our troops, and our veterans.
Go Hokies!
New favorite quote from the golf course: "It's not the club, son."
 
Posts: 9125 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Honky Lips
Picture of FenderBender
posted Hide Post
I like to use my impressive vocabulary when people start using made up business language.

they tend to stop, after they look like a drooling idiot who can't hold up their end of a discussion.




Chances are high; you won't like what I've got to say.
 
Posts: 7943 | Location: Live from the high desert and the great American southwest! | Registered: July 24, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
On the DL
Picture of V-Tail
posted Hide Post
Get some random syllables and stick them together for your own made-up words, then use them in a meeting.

If anybody looks puzzled just glare at them as if they are idiots.



A mind is a terrible thing.
 
Posts: 21182 | Location: Central Florida (near Orlando) | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Honky Lips
Picture of FenderBender
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by V-Tail:
Get some random syllables and stick them together for your own made-up words, then use them in a meeting.

If anybody looks puzzled just glare at them as if they are idiots.


But, there is a plethora of language which can be deployed in such a perfunctory manner as too confuse and distract them unendingly; why make things up?




Chances are high; you won't like what I've got to say.
 
Posts: 7943 | Location: Live from the high desert and the great American southwest! | Registered: July 24, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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