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Picture of Rev. A. J. Forsyth
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What is up with this trash? Every salmon short wearing, whale belt loosening, Sperry shoe shining, Ray-Ban bespectacled tool in the New England area is guzzling this shit. I've overheard numerous conversations amongst grown men who are worried about carb intake drinking this stuff. Here's a thought, don't drink 12 cocktails per day whilst doing absolutely zero physical exercise and you may not have to guzzle bitch drinks with your 3rd wife on the south lawn of the country club.

At least your great grannie that left you your Audi money had the goddamn common courtesy to get shit-faced on gin or whiskey. If I see one more disgusting looking human wearing an "Ain't No Laws When You're Drinking Claws" tee shirt that's about 3 sizes too small, or overhear one more convo about which flavor is better, black cherry or ruby grapefruit, I'm taking the gas pipe.

If you need me, I'll be in the garage drinking Budweiser with my smelly old hound dog.
 
Posts: 899 | Location: Manufacturing Ghost Town | Registered: April 01, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fighting the good fight
Picture of RogueJSK
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My wife went on a hard seltzer kick for a few weeks at the beginning of the month. Liked it because it was fewer calories than beer. Luckily, she got over that quickly.

I tried a sip of a couple different brands she had, and they both tasted like stale, artificially sweet TV static.
 
Posts: 23297 | Location: Northwest Arkansas | Registered: January 06, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of BigSwede
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I'm sure these are the same people that drank Zima back in the day. Douchenuggets


*********************
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
 
Posts: 1901 | Location: GA | Registered: September 23, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Perception
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Applies to all the hard seltzers as well.




"The people hate the lizards and the lizards rule the people."
"Odd," said Arthur, "I thought you said it was a democracy."
"I did," said Ford, "it is."
"So," said Arthur, hoping he wasn't sounding ridiculously obtuse, "why don't the people get rid of the lizards?"
"It honestly doesn't occur to them. They've all got the vote, so they all pretty much assume that the government they've voted in more or less approximates the government they want."
"You mean they actually vote for the lizards."
"Oh yes," said Ford with a shrug, "of course."
"But," said Arthur, going for the big one again, "why?"
"Because if they didn't vote for a lizard, then the wrong lizard might get in."
 
Posts: 2588 | Location: Two blocks from the Center of the Universe | Registered: December 30, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Rev. A. J. Forsyth
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quote:
I'm sure these are the same people that drank Zima back in the day.


At least Zima had some street cred. Gangsters dissolving Jolly Ranchers in them and all that.
 
Posts: 899 | Location: Manufacturing Ghost Town | Registered: April 01, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Get my pies
outta the oven!

Picture of PASig
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Seltzer of any kind is hot right now, I'm not surprised that someone figured out that putting booze in it would take off too.

If you ask me, it's just 2019 Zima


 
Posts: 25312 | Location: Pennsylvania | Registered: November 12, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Leemur
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I just wish it would draw some of the hipster d bags away from craft beer.
 
Posts: 11857 | Location: Shenandoah Valley, VA | Registered: October 16, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Do No Harm,
Do Know Harm
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I prefer them to beer. And I'd prefer my wife drink a few of them nightly rather than a freaking bottle of wine.

I don't like beer. I think it's some kind of genetic thing, no one in my family really drinks beer. Tastes like ass to me. I could live the rest of my life and never taste another beer and I'd be fine with it.

I prefer rum or other liquor when I'm drinking, but I don't drink very much anyway.




Knowing what one is talking about is widely admired but not strictly required here.

Although sometimes distracting, there is often a certain entertainment value to this easy standard.
-JALLEN

"All I need is a WAR ON DRUGS reference and I got myself a police thread BINGO." -jljones
 
Posts: 10465 | Location: NC | Registered: August 16, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not
Picture of Ronin101
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not a selter fan...but I would try mixing it with vodka and cranberry juice lol
 
Posts: 6898 | Location: Bismarck ND | Registered: February 19, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Great rant.

I've never had a drink in my life, but my wife likes these things, so I like them.

A couple weeks ago I'm in the small town where my gun club is and I stop at a gas station on the way home from shooting. Because I'm such a nice guy, I bought a twelve pack of White Claw for my wife. I throw them in the passenger seat of the Tahoe and as I walk around to get in, I get a text. My watch says the name of one of three people I know in this little town and "picture", so I figure in the fifteen seconds I'm between the store and my car, I'm caught with my purchase of cheerleader beer. What are the odds?

Fortunately, it was an unrelated group text with a picture of another co-worker on the side of the road out of gas (in a police car). I did go ahead and out myself because it made for its own good story and maybe took a little heat off of the guy who ran out of gas (because the guy that had the car before him left it so empty, it didn't make it to the pumps).
 
Posts: 2949 | Location: Iowa | Registered: February 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
It's not you,
it's me.
Picture of RAMIUS
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EPIC RANT!

You are dead on!!!




 
Posts: 5834 | Location: Philadelphia, Pa | Registered: September 08, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
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Posts: 22423 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
posting without pants
Picture of KevinCW
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For those among us that either need to demand to speak to the manager, or put our fist through they drywall..... White claw...





Strive to live your life so when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor, the devil says "Oh crap, he's up."
 
Posts: 32551 | Location: St. Louis MO | Registered: February 15, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His diet consists of black
coffee, and sarcasm.
Picture of egregore
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quote:
White Claw

Its very name is suggestive of other cheap shitty alcohol like the various malt liquors, MD 20/20, Steel Reserve, etc.
 
Posts: 22423 | Location: Johnson City/Elizabethton, TN | Registered: April 28, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Great rant!!!! I thought Zima was for Pussies this stuff is even pussie-er!!!!!
 
Posts: 2798 | Registered: January 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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My daughter drinks White Claw. I won't even try it.
I found myself a nice veteran owned brewery that serves Porters, ales, IPA's and Pilsner. That's more me.
They have growlers so I'll take that home with me.


I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
 
Posts: 2266 | Location: The armpit of Ohio | Registered: August 18, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Rev. A. J. Forsyth
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quote:
For those among us that either need to demand to speak to the manager, or put our fist through they drywall..... White claw..


I've seen a lot of Karen with the speak to the manager haircut types drinking it.

quote:
Its very name is suggestive of other cheap shitty alcohol like the various malt liquors, MD 20/20, Steel Reserve, etc.


That's what I thought too. However, I was corrected by my communist neighbor when I was making fun of him. Turns out it has a little bit of vodka in it.
 
Posts: 899 | Location: Manufacturing Ghost Town | Registered: April 01, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of rocket72
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There is no law if you partake in The Claw.
 
Posts: 1486 | Registered: July 22, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of dlc444
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Never had White Claw, but I will sometimes use LaCroix as a vodka mixer. I like vodka soda with a lime. Is that what WC is like?


-.---.----.. -.---.----.. -.---.----..
If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working.
 
Posts: 4214 | Location: Tampa | Registered: August 19, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Rev. A. J. Forsyth
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quote:
Never had White Claw, but I will sometimes use LaCroix as a vodka mixer. I like vodka soda with a lime. Is that what WC is like?


Their plain seltzer does, yes.

As far as the other flavors go, no. They taste like the hot garbage juice smells spilling from the back of a trash truck on a July morning in Scottsdale.
 
Posts: 899 | Location: Manufacturing Ghost Town | Registered: April 01, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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