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So yesterday I had to run into Walmart as my wife makes it her personal mission to make me go to the store as many times a week as possible for shit she forgets.

I am not sick, nor am I coming down with anything and I consider myself a fairly considerate person...That said, as I rounded the corner into the coffee aisle, both hands steering my cart, I had to cough...not a huge hacking cough, just a tickle in my throat. I turned my head into my shoulder and coughed into my shirt sleeve. As I did this I passed 2 guys, in their 20's maybe early 30's and one of the exclaimed very loudly "why dont you just cough in my face!).

I was honestly in a state of disbelief as I did not come anywhere near coughing in his face and I said "excuse me" to which he replied "No, excuse me is what you should have said when you sprayed your germs all over me". It takes a lot to get me going but calling me out in a crowded store for something I did not do got me there.

My reply was simple and to the point, I did not advance towards him but did stand my ground and simply clarified that I did not cough on him and if her perceived that I did I was sorry but if he was going to go out in public places it would be best if he wasn't such a fucking pussy...There was a moment of silence then he and his friend stomped away.

I was half expected security to track my happy ass down as the princess seemed like the type to make it a federal offense but i am sure he just left and took a silkwood shower.
 
Posts: 3563 | Location: Peoria, AZ | Registered: November 07, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Maybe you looked like an illegal alien? Eek

Seriously, it's not often that one runs into Millennials in Walmart. Were they having a hipster sale?


--------------------------
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
-- H L Mencken

I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is.
-- JALLEN 10/18/18
 
Posts: 8396 | Location: Illinois farm country | Registered: November 15, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Joy Maker
Picture of airsoft guy
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Next time, you say, "Oh yeah, sorry about that, just got back from a tour of Asia. It's like flu season over there too, crazy, right? I was feeling fine, until I got back, had a tickle in my throat since then, some aches and chills. I ejaculated some blood earlier too. Not during intercourse, or masturbation, just sort of all on it's own. It was weird! Anyway, better get some OJ, right, pal?"



quote:
Originally posted by Will938:
If you don't become a screen writer for comedy movies, then you're an asshole.
 
Posts: 15699 | Location: Washington State | Registered: April 04, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by newtoSig765:
Maybe you looked like an illegal alien? Eek

Seriously, it's not often that one runs into Millennials in Walmart. Were they having a hipster sale?


If I had to describe them term "hispter douche" although redundant would fit best
 
Posts: 3563 | Location: Peoria, AZ | Registered: November 07, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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You could always tell him to take the initiative when he goes out in public and just wear a surgical mask everywhere.
 
Posts: 61 | Location: State of Confusion | Registered: August 15, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Frangas non Flectes
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I’d like to think I have have thought up all manner of whitty retorts, but I’m not that quick on my feet. I probably would’ve just laughed at him and said “sorry, Princess” or “life’s hard, get a helmet, and maybe in your case, a gas mask.”

quote:
Originally posted by airsoft guy:
I ejaculated some blood earlier too. Not during intercourse, or masturbation, just sort of all on it's own. It was weird! Anyway, better get some OJ, right, pal?"


Lmao! Big Grin

“I know, weird, right?”
 
Posts: 9719 | Registered: February 10, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Once a Marine,
always a Marine
Picture of Ronin1069
posted Hide Post
quote:
I turned my head into my shoulder and coughed into my shirt sleeve.


Which is how restaurant food services teach their employees to cough if they need to unexpectedly.


___________________________
All it takes...is all you got.
____________________________
For those who have fought for it, Freedom has a flavor the protected will never know

ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
 
Posts: 9698 | Location: Belly of the Beast | Registered: January 02, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of sigcrazy7
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He was probably on his way to the McDonalds to use the order kiosk and didn’t want any germs on his Big Mac. Wink



Hannibal ad portas. Carthago delenda est.
 
Posts: 5746 | Location: Utah | Registered: December 18, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Drill Here, Drill Now
Picture of tatortodd
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quote:
Originally posted by P220 Smudge:
I’d like to think I have have thought up all manner of whitty retorts, but I’m not that quick on my feet.
Somebody needs to invent a ASG app so Sigforumites can have access to his witticisms wherever they are



Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer.
 
Posts: 16840 | Location: N. Houston, TX | Registered: November 14, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Sorry my TB is acting up is a snappy retort.
 
Posts: 4048 | Location: MS GULF COAST | Registered: January 02, 2015Reply With QuoteReport This Post
goodheart
Picture of sjtill
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quote:
Somebody needs to invent a ASG app so Sigforumites can have access to his witticisms wherever they are


I'd buy that, or "The Little Blue Book of ASG"
Blue as in cursing a blue streak.


_________________________
“Little else is requisite to carry a state to the highest degree of opulence from the lowest barbarism but peace, easy taxes, and a tolerable administration of justice: all the rest being brought about by the natural course of things.”--Adam Smith, born June 16, 1723
 
Posts: 14310 | Location: One hop from Paradise | Registered: July 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Plowing straight ahead come what may
Picture of Bisleyblackhawk
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I would like to see the "CHACK-CHACK" speech linked as a sticky...or made into a movie Cool

That being said...I am somewhat OC on washing and drying my hands WITH paper towels (if available) in the shitter and carrying Purell wet wipes...plus I use the wet wipes offered at Publix and Walmart on my buggy handle...it just me feel better. I know you are exposed to some really nasty/shitty folks and their nasty/shitty hygiene no matter where you go (I haven't quite perfected "hovering" over the toilet as of yet) Big Grin


********************************************************

"we've gotta roll with the punches, learn to play all of our hunches
Making the best of what ever comes our way
Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition
Plowing straight ahead come what may
And theres a cowboy in the jungle"
Jimmy Buffet
 
Posts: 8907 | Location: Southeast Tennessee...not far above my homestate Georgia | Registered: March 10, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
On the DL
Picture of V-Tail
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The cashiers at Aldi are super fast, scanning items and depositing them into the customer's shopping cart. They usually try to put some of my groceries in the fold-out child seating area of my shopping cart.

I tell them, "Please do not put my food on the seat where babies with poopy diapers sit."

I'm really kind of surprised that the county Health Department does not put a stop to this.



A mind is a terrible thing.
 
Posts: 19132 | Location: Central Florida (near Orlando) | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by V-Tail:
..."Please do not put my food on the seat where babies with poopy diapers sit."...

OMFG! I confess that I've been doing that for years with our groceries, putting checked stuff in the baby seat! Even worse, it's at Walmart!!! Eek

In my defense, my girlfriend usually buys stuff for herself on these trips, and it's always her's that gets put in the baby seat.

Do I tell her about this. V-Tail, or do I play innocent?


--------------------------
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
-- H L Mencken

I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is.
-- JALLEN 10/18/18
 
Posts: 8396 | Location: Illinois farm country | Registered: November 15, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
When you fall, I will be there to catch you -With love, the floor
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I put items there all the time. they are bagged and never touch the seat.


Richard Scalzo
Epping, NH

http://www.bigeastakitarescue.net
 
Posts: 4987 | Location: Epping, NH | Registered: October 16, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Well, I'm still not telling my Girlfriend!


--------------------------
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
-- H L Mencken

I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is.
-- JALLEN 10/18/18
 
Posts: 8396 | Location: Illinois farm country | Registered: November 15, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I have not yet begun
to procrastinate
Picture of KMitch200
posted Hide Post
Plastic flap down is where the shitty diapers and go...plastic flap vertical, there's no place for the kids legs.
You're good to go with the flap up blocking where poopster's legs fit. Smile

I make a habit NOT TO TOUCH MY FACE, LIPS OR EYES in a store.
I'll grab the hand sanitizer in my truck when I get there and do a quick decon before driving off.
(excess ETOH sanitizer is rubbed onto the keyfob and whatever else I touched before the excess sanitizer dries)


--------
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
 
Posts: 2942 | Location: AZ - West side of the valley | Registered: October 26, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
On the DL
Picture of V-Tail
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quote:
Originally posted by rscalzo:
I put items there all the time. they are bagged and never touch the seat.
No sir, they are NOT bagged. This is Aldi. Much like the European stores that I have been in, the items are placed "naked" in the cart.

Bags are not free at Aldi. It is up to the customer to bring his / her own bag(s), or buy the bags that they sell there. After checkout, you can go to a shelf area and do your own bagging. Some people grab empty cartons from stuff that has been stocked on the shelves and use these to carry their groceries. Some people, especially if they do not have a lot of items, just schlep all the separate items to the car.



A mind is a terrible thing.
 
Posts: 19132 | Location: Central Florida (near Orlando) | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
I tell them, "Please do not put my food on the seat where babies with poopy diapers sit."


After wiping the cart handle I wipe the baby pooping area with the provided wipes. I carry my own ink pen & use my fingernail to sign the pads. Have you noticed the nasty signature pads at markets!


__________________________________________________

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit!

Sigs Owned - A Bunch
 
Posts: 3474 | Location: Nashville, Tennessee | Registered: December 16, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Telling cops where to go for over 25 years
Picture of 911Boss
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Depending on my level of surliness, when the snowflake replied “Why don’t you just cough in my face” I may have seen it as a request and complied, followed up with “Yer welcome bitch”





"Where MY free shit?!"

What part of "...Shall not be infringed" don't you understand???



 
Posts: 8490 | Location: Just stumbling through, trying to avoid a premature banjackulation of my own doing... | Registered: February 17, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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