Change that to "my wife does not work outside the home" or there is gonna be trouble

Several years ago, my wife and I tried to adopt a little girl. Her parents were druggies, sent her to live with her aunt at the age of 6, and the aunt couldn't take care of her. That aunt was my wife's best friend, so we were around the girl a lot. I loved her to death, like one of my own children.
The girl's parents took her and ran from DSS to another state, and started over. I still saw the girl every now and then, but her aunt still was unable to take care of her so she had to stay with her parents.
Fast forward a few years, I found out last week that she is pregnant at the age of 15. I'm just sick over it. She'll never have a chance. But the worst part of it is that her mother is excited to be a grandmother. AT THE AGE OF 32.

I'm thinking there is a very easy solution, this is not your problem, tell the wife no communication with her, no visiting, no anything and if it causes a fight with the wife lay down the law. The fact that she got pregnant is distressing enough to you, you don't need the wife to feed into it, have no contact with the Neice, the kid, and guy who got her pregnant. No money, no phone calls not even a card, explain it to the wife she can take it or leave it, but none of it will be paid for by you or welcome in your home.

If I sound harsh sorry, not trying to create a rift between the wife and you, guess I'm of the generation that still believes in the man of the house and paying the bills, it's offensive the nieces behavior and sad she pissed her life away, but it's not your burden.

I stuck my foot in my mouth a few years ago after a coworker mentioned her children's ages (12 and 2).

Me: That's a pretty big age difference.

Her: My parents would've kicked my ass if I had another one soon after the one I had at 16.

No reaffirming moral to this story. She just got smarter about not getting pregnant out of wedlock. Her wedding that I went to (It was #2) she was cheating on him within 6 months, and later was caught in bed naked with her best friend's hubby and a line of coke on the night stand.

quote:

Originally posted by spunk639:
I'm thinking there is a very easy solution, this is not your problem, tell the wife no communication with her, no visiting, no anything and if it causes a fight with the wife lay down the law. The fact that she got pregnant is distressing enough to you, you don't need the wife to feed into it, have no contact with the Neice, the kid, and guy who got her pregnant. No money, no phone calls not even a card, explain it to the wife she can take it or leave it, but none of it will be paid for by you or welcome in your home.

If I sound harsh sorry, not trying to create a rift between the wife and you, guess I'm of the generation that still believes in the man of the house and paying the bills, it's offensive the nieces behavior and sad she pissed her life away, but it's not your burden.

It is an easy solution. I'm not going to ask my wife to not talk to the kid, that would seem unreasonable. But any financial burden, baby sitting (that's if they end up moving here), etc. is their problem.

Our 2 year old outgrew her rear facing car seat, wife said she wanted to give it to the kid. I said no, I'm going to sell it. I'm not giving that kid shit.

The kid can't even speak proper English. Uses words such as "finna" "gonna" etc...

Fucking kids these days are playing checkers when life is chess.

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:
The kid can't even speak proper English. Uses words such as "finna" "gonna" etc.

I use "gonna" but I use it deliberately; I have done quite a bit of teaching and also technical writing and I am certainly capable of using the English language properly, so I am very well aware of what I am doing when I say "gonna."

But the other word you mention, "finna" -- what the hell does that mean? I have been running that through my head and I can't make any sense of it.

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:
The kid can't even speak proper English. Uses words such as "finna" "gonna" etc.

I use "gonna" but I use it deliberately; I have done quite a bit of teaching and also technical writing and I am certainly capable of using the English language properly, so I am very well aware of what I am doing when I say "gonna."

But the other word you mention, "finna" -- what the hell does that mean? I have been running that through my head and I can't make any sense of it.

I believe here in the south the term would be ''fixin'to''.

quote:

Originally posted by chongosuerte:

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:

quote:

Originally posted by Edmond:
The kid can't even speak proper English. Uses words such as "finna" "gonna" etc.

I use "gonna" but I use it deliberately; I have done quite a bit of teaching and also technical writing and I am certainly capable of using the English language properly, so I am very well aware of what I am doing when I say "gonna."

But the other word you mention, "finna" -- what the hell does that mean? I have been running that through my head and I can't make any sense of it.

I believe here in the south the term would be ''fixin'to''.

Ah thank you, I understand "fixin' to." One of the expressions I acquired when I was learning to read, write, and speak fluent Alabama during my stint as a contract employee in the Birmingham area. I just never made the connection between "finna" and "fixin' to."

quote:

Originally posted by chongosuerte:
Vasectomies, or some other form of temporary sterilization, for males upon birth or before reaching puberty. Free reversal from the state at the age of 21 with proof of a full-time job, marriage, and no felony convictions.

$1,000,000, if the vasectomy reversal is not functional. Plus guaranteed adoption. Money provided only once adoption is complete, paid in monthly installments until child reaches 18.


Boom. I just fixed all our problems.

I don't know about "all" our problems, but your sure fixed a whole hell-of-a-lot of them!

I would agree that the MTV shows do nothing more than glorify teen pregnancy by making fake celebs out of these girls and their little sex trophies.

My wife was watching Teen Mom one night and even worse than the girls being unwed teen moms is the fact many if them have more than one kid by more than one baby daddy and mTV is throwing money at them! What about the kids on that show that have no choice, how will this effect them as they get older?

My Daughter volunteers at Planned Parenthood and one of her tasks is to get support for a program that allows for real sex ed in schools, not just abstinence because, believe it or not, they really don't like giving abortions

I totally get where you’re coming from.

Hang in there and avoid the mistakes I made when I was younger. Cut your wife a lot of slack as she is talking with her niece. I’m guessing your wife is not happy about the circumstances but we’re past the days where unwed teenage women are sent out of state to hide the pregnancy.

Perhaps you can work with your wife to set a budget on both the amount of time and money that you will contribute to the situation. That might help you feel that you’re not ‘bailing out’ the girl.

Years ago I would have been upset with my wife and resent the amount of time and money she was allocating. That caused me health issues and nearly cost our marriage. If you want to keep your marriage, you’ll need to find a way to chill out and not let this bother you. I know, easier said than done.

Is there someone in her life that is pushing her to go back to school? I went to the University of Colorado Denver campus and they had low cost day care available to students. If the girl was a strong student, maybe she can get back on track and complete her education so she can care for the child.

Hope this goes smoothly for everyone.