There is good reason for the old adage about the squeaky wheel getting the grease.

Certainly wasn't me. Dad "got around" and so did Mom. I have several step sisters somewhere.

Two weeks out of high school I was on a troop train heading for Ft. Knox and I never looked back.

I have 2 brothers & 1 sister. I am the baby girl. My sister swears that Mom never made breakfast for her but always made breakfast for me. That wasn't true. Mom made breakfast for the whole family, however I was the picky eater so she usually made what I wanted most of the time because the rest of them would eat whatever she put on the plate.

That being said, we all agree that we all had the absolute best childhood. By brothers went thru a spell as teenagers where they'd get into some actual fist fights, but Mom alway broke them up. Mom was a tough little woman. Still is. Dad worked for a paycheck & Mom ran the farm. They both spent as much time with us as they could.

My sister always got caught when she did something wrong (like underage drinking). Everyone thought I was "the good girl", I got straight "A's", was the 1st (& only) one to go to college, but I just never got caught doing way worse things than my sister did.

My oldest brother was the responsible one. My younger, "older" brother was the 1 my parents really had a hard time with. It was a miracle they got him thru school. If he wasn't interested in something, he didn't want to do it. He's super smart with anything with an engine, but the rest was boring to him. He kept skipping school. My Mom would go out looking for him, usually found him, & would drag him back. Was like a "Duke" boy from the Dukes of Hazzard. He'd get into some sort of little trouble & try outrunning the cops, etc. He eventually became pretty good friends with several of the cops.

As adults, my older brother prob has the least to do with my parents. Might go have breakfast with them once a month. Hardly goes out to their place. My "troubmaker" brother does absolutely everything for them. Has breakfast with them prob 90% of the time, mows the pastures so it doesn't worry my Mom that Dad will injure himself. Hauls sawdust for the horses, & is there to do the hard work when they get hay delivered, even enlists the help of others so Mom won't try to pitch in. Even made multiple trips to feed the animals at my parents when my sister was in the hospital for several weeks just so my Mom could stay with her. Complete opposite of how one would think it would have turned out.

& I'm the only one that moved away but I still visit once or twice a year & call. & I keep my Dad out here a couple months out of the year to keep him from driving my Mom crazy

*I* was the favorite. Resentful older siblings can really be unpleasant when you're small.

Not like it got, or gets, me anything as my parents were and are mildly dysfunctional.

Ironically of my siblings and I, I have the worst relationship with my parents. For, as I see it, more than adequate reasons. There was much more going on than who was the favorite.

Dealing with this right now with my wife's family....My wife has worked hard her whole life and been pretty independent not asking for much of anything, she has supported herself and support herself yet the family "hero" is her POS lying, cheating addict sister who continues to mooch off anyone that will allow it and has raised a POS son who has learned to follow in her footsteps....I just dont get it

In my family, it was who was the one able to escape the beating first.

When the favorite died 10 years before you were born and had no understanding of mental illness.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
I wrote a long story about my family and deleted it. Let's just discuss how those that do the least for their family often get favored status. Ugh.

It was actually good for me to write out my story even though I didn't share it.

Glad you wrote it out. Writing is cathartic. I did the same after my divorce. It helps reduce pressure.

My immediate family doesn't have the issue you're dealing with, and I was definitely the favorite of my mother, though we weren't really close before she died in 2014. We were different because we were so much alike.

Step-families are brutal. I'm in a blended marital family and my step-daughter is the loudest, most blustery, demanding, ungrateful child who gets the most of everything from my wife (her biological mother)...to the point that if my biological kids want something, they ask the step-daughter to suggest it to her mother and it happens.

My kids make their car and insurance payments. We've paid off the step-daughter's car and continue to pay for her insurance and cell phone.

I just keep my mouth shut and help my kids when and where I can because they're grateful for it. I desperately love my wife and don't want to be divorced a second time, but make no mistake, blood is thicker than doing what's right.

Sorry for the deviation, OP.

Wow, did not know it was this widespread.

My older brother was the fav...jr. go figure.

It did not serve him well though. I figure after we became adults, I was one hell of a lot better off.
I actually got punished for things he did, many times. If he would have just admitted it, it would have been ok, because he was never punished from my recollection.

He mostly did not have to do his chores. He shoots me with an arrow in the head and I get punished. He shoots me in the hand with a BB gun and I get punished. I never did anything to give him reason to shoot me, except be naive.
Oh, well, like I said, I am now much better off for my bringing up.

Arlis thought he was a favored child, his two siblings thought that was the case for a long time,

His two siblings never said anything to Arlis or the parents.

The two siblings worked hard at what ever they did and became very successful and prospered ,

Arlis made do with what he could get w/o excelling at a whole lot .

Nice guy , and honest , would help out if you asked him , but more than a few thought he would not make it too his possible potential .

Arlis always felt very fortunate , and was all kinds of grateful .

At the age of 62 Arlis did not feel like the favored child as much as he felt like the charity case of the family .

He longed for the feeling of accomplishment that his siblings must experience on a regular basis, both in employment and family .

this " fav child " is a perspective conundrum,
what it looks like is very different from what it feels like .

Still grateful Arlis wished his parents would have offered the experience that the other two siblings got.

Arlis did not get everything he always wanted , but 30% of what he in fact needed was given too him

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,

I was probably the favorite, because I made the fewest waves and didn't wreck any cars at all (well, at least until I was out from under Dad's roof).

My situation is so toxic because of my brother and parents we haven’t spoken in 6 years, parents are in late seventies and continue to enable and fund loser 44 year old. I’ve mourned and moved on, cold but needed to do it for my own survival.

Definitely not the favorite and I'm an only child.

Yea. I am from a family of three boys. My youngest brother has taken my parents for a ride, despite being an MD, over the last few years. Since about 2010, they have spent or given him well over 100k to “help him out” and keep him happy. They signed on his home, bought him a new car and pay his student loans. Did I mention he is a doctor and makes significantly more than me or my older brother? And, we have never asked for $$$. I could go on for days about him. Sigh.

quote:

Originally posted by Orguss:
Definitely not the favorite and I'm an only child.

I feel ya. I was the only one of the grandkids who opted for the military, didn't do drugs....and I was the one who was a 'traitor to this family."

Can we say, 'inverted values?'