|posting without pants|
Shit, she is 17... Lots of guys are gonna come and go romantically. (I am not being crass, i simply mean she is going to meet lots of boys and be interested in them. She will have some hurt her, some will get hurt by her, and she will learn who she is by the experience)
Sure, it will suck sometimes, but if you have done your job as a father (and from your posts i think you have) you have equipped her with the experience to separate the idiots from the princes.
Very few people these days find "the one" at such an age. It took me more than double her years to do so.
Just be supportive of her, watch out for the total assholes, and have her back. She will thank you eventually.
Strive to live your life so when you wake up in the morning and your feet hit the floor, the devil says "Oh crap, he's up."
Most boys nowadays don't mature till about 30. Daughter should be working on her education and skills to support herself.
This “work” may be a one time event in the event of this dating relationship. It is not the first time the guy meets the girl. It is an opportunity for the boy to get a bit of a measure of the family and for the father to do the same of the boy.
If he is afraid of work, that says something in my book. If he is a jerk dad will see it sooner than she will.
No money needs to change hands and shouldn’t be in the discussion. If after the fact the boy did a great job something might be given. The girl is not “for sale for labor given”.
I would have enjoyed working with my girls dad for all of the thoughts noted above.
One of my first dates with my wife? I was a volunteer firefighter. We had an old warehouse to clean out. I took her there, handed her a broom and said something like “I need to check on a few of the guys, I’ll be back shortly”.
If this guy is scared away from a little work (10 hours excessive? Get Real!) the filter system is working.
So, I got his side of the story this morning.
He is in the highschools HVAC program. He quit his after school/weekend job and gave them two weeks. The HVAC program has an apprenticeship. Right after the two weeks given the schools in VA were shelved for a week, then spring break, then no school for the month of march. His school Apprenticeship interviews were also canceled. He has been husltling odd jobs including finishing junior year.
He offered to my daughter to come help do anything on the property. BEFORE she talked to me.
Kid fuckin rocks. Nice guy. easy going. I made it clear, that the meeting me and helping had 0 bearing on him taking CJ out. We talked about work. He has small jobs lined up, but they are here and there.
I have been gone from the property for 2 summers. My son and I can use the extra help this summer. So, I offered him work when he needs it.
He said he would be here tomorrow at the same time.
We got about 1/4 of it dug out, Most of the trash cleaned up. SO, little by little we will get it done.
I think he is planning on going cat fishing for the first date.
Oh, my only complaint is he drives a dodge. I jokinly said that, he looked sheepish and said it was the cheapest thing he could get, that he could work on.
I saw this pic on your FB, and immediately came here to ask if that was her suitor. I am glad it's working out so far, if the guy is putting in a real effort, I hope you compensate him going rates in the end. It will also say something about him if he blows the money on his dodge or if he puts it in the bank.
Sic Semper Tyrannis
|Res ipsa loquitur|
As a father of 3 daughters, I find this thread interesting. What I've learned so far:
1. He has a career plan
2. He is not afraid of working
3. He's respectful
4. Frugal (the Dodge)
5. He's someone who doesn't quit when life throws him a curveball.
Seems like someone I wouldn't mind taking one of my daughters out.
Did I miss anything?
Worked at a good pace unsupervised on the oposite side of the coop.
Very interesting thread.
I went through something similar about 39 years ago when I met my eventual wife although there were no prerequisites. We are still together to this day.
Just think, if he is “The One” the stories you’ll be able to share 20, 30, 40 years down the road...
Our Founding Fathers were men who understood that the right thing is not necessarily the written thing. -kkina
Pissing rain today. We are holding off till the rain has died down.
Not knowing much about the young man's background, perhaps he was raised in an environment that taught him to work, perhaps even how to work...or maybe he is relatively new to working, to doing manual labor.
When I was younger, in Jr. High and High School, I took various manual labor jobs for cash, on top of my allowance for doing chores at home. In one job, I was volunteered to spend several weeks over Summer vacation working for an elderly lady doing various jobs inside her home...mostly moving/ rearranging furniture or other items in her basement, and painting her basement or spare bedroom used for storage.
Initially I didn't much like the job or working for her, but over time, as we got to know each other, I started to like her stories of growing up in Ireland in the 1890's and early 1900's. The job got even better when she hired one of my classmates, the cute teen girl who lived nearby, to help with household chores
A couple years later, my high school girlfriend had an aunt with a long dirt driveway through the woods that would get muddy and rutted out in heavy rains making it impassable by her car. She hired a friend and myself to spend weeks over our Summer vacation working on her driveway in the hot humid Virginia weather. She gave us use of her Chevy step side truck and we would make trips to the local quarry to pick up a load of gravel, shovel it in the driveway low spots, and rake it out. My girlfriend would stop by to visit with us and bring us cold water/ lemonade or to go out to lunch with us. Hard work...but still a great Summer job.
In high school I took a weekend job with a local garden center and landscape company, as well as a second job. Second semester of my senior year I ended up with a Study Hall as my last class of the day. School allowed us to blow off the Study Hall and we were granted permission to go to our jobs at the garden center, and we would either change into our work clothes while driving or change once we got to work.
During my college years I was in decent shape from my garden center job, and not being able to find a job that worked with my class schedule I took a night job with UPS that damn near killed me. For the first two weeks I swore every night that I was going to quit the job, but I stuck it out for several months.
Over the years I have been blessed to work with professionals who knew their jobs and, for the most part, did them well...and I learned not only the value of work, but how to work. Knowing that there was a schedule to meet, so much work to get done, the sequence in accomplishing things that made the most sense and made the job go faster and smoother, looking for efficiencies, working together as a team...and taking pride in a job well done.
I posted this earlier, but I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give young people is to teach them how to work and to value work...and if a young man proves he is willing to be reliable and work hard...and it just so happens that he earns the respect and appreciation of a family enough to date a daughter, then I say good on him.
Michael Murphy of Operation Red Wing (Lone Survivor) while in school and college, developed an interest in becoming a Navy SEAL. He learned about a local retired SEAL officer, contacted him, and set up a meet on a Saturday. Murph showed up on time, and the retired SEAL was in the backyard splitting firewood, so he walked into the back, introduced himself, and after speaking for a few minutes, the man started splitting wood again. Without being asked, Murph removed his jacket, rolled up his shirt sleeves, and started helping out. The man answered all his questions and gave him advice on how to reach his goal of becoming a SEAL.
After Murph's death the retired SEAL was interviewed and he commented that he was impressed with how the young man carried himself, and he said that, while Murph didn't know it at the time, the conversation wouldn't have lasted very long if he hadn't pitched in to help split the wood.
I'm not dumb enough to think I can 'pick' or screen the boys my girls select. They will not abide by my decisions nor will the boys exhibit honesty with me.
Trying to make yes/no decisions only drives them to side with their beau and against me.
I'm out of the loop then.
I make it clear to the prospect that I am dangerous if he messes up. And I am. I have an entire regimen I go through to imply it heavily to him.
I befriend him immediately. Every few weeks I call him and set up an activity where he and I hang out. I like to be close enough to place a knife in his jugular or put him in the trunk should it come to that. I do this continually to keep their guard down. Hold your friends close...your enemies closer.
Most guys they get with - I do not approve of.
Having them dumb enough to believe I'm the 'cool dad' gets them alone with me at a place of my choosing should the need arise.
Only one had required adjustment for grabbing her by the arm when she moved to walk away from an argument they were in. She had bruises on her arm. I invited him out. A few minutes after arrival...I asked him what had happened. He was profusely apologetic. I told him this was the one warning he would get. A second instance would not involve words. I told him I loved her before he did - and I'd love her long after he was gone. He knew what that meant.
I tell my girls my concerns up front. Then I let them experience life choices. When I pan out 100% - they listen to me MORE each time.
Everything I have done in my life is an empire of dirt by comparison.
My girls are the only thing that matters that I've had my hand in.
Yeah, I understand the concerns voiced here. Several times over.
So you have the kid come clean chicken shit, he's at your house and gets hurt, even worse triggers an allergy that's unknown or not thought of because he never had to haul hazardous waste at 17 and get seriously ill or dies. Good way to weed out who should date your daughter. Wonder what his dad might do if he got hurt. I know what I'd do.
Let me guess, you live in the city don't cha?
For fucks sake. I can’t believe how many people in here preach hard work, work ethic, family protection, etc, and then flip Dgrouse a bunch if shit.
I think this is a stellar plan. When I was 17, there is no way I would have helped some dude shovel chicken shit for hours, no matter how hot she was. You want to know why? Because I was that asshole kid that parents hated. I was a selfish, self centered little shit that cared about one thing. Getting her pants off. (I have changed a lot since then, but I also know what the majority of 17 year old guys are after, and saying that ain’t so, is bullshit and we all know it.
Dgrouse, hats off to you sir. This is an exceptional plan, and the fact that your daughter is the coconspirator is fantastic. It sounds like you have raised a good kid. Sounds like from his first day working with you, he’s a good kid. I hope it’s all for the best.
It’s also great seeing a parent take a big interest in their kids lives. Pretty awesome bro.
The “lol” thread
Looks to me like he was there working of his own free will. Sounds like his parents did a great job. Some still know how to raise a child.
So the inside of the coop run is cleaned out. I have some prep work to do on the exterior, then we can clean that up, and then we can scrape out the interior of the coop building
|Quit staring at my wife's Butt|
is he buried under there ?
Sounds like a decent kid. I hope you're paying him for his work.
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