quote:

Originally posted by Lord Vaalic:
It could backfire on her...

I started dating a girl and after a few weeks she wanted to have me hang out with her dad while he did some work on his cars and farm equipment. The girl and I were pretty different people, the dad and I actually got along well and he told her it would never last, I wasn't her type. She was pretty upset, but he was right.

Not sure if the backfire is a bad thing. I mean, if you two were not meant to be, It may make the situation worse by prolonging the inevitable and have a longer unhealthy relationship that is harder to break off.

Give you a hand for a few days cleaning up chicken shit, seriously ? yeah no thanks! how about your daughter cleaning up chicken shit to go out with him.

I think it's kinda funny how so many around here jump all over parents who don't seem the least bit interested in actually raising their kids, and now comes a member who seriously takes an active interest in his child's life and a bunch of y'all give him grief

DSGrouse, I, for one, commend you. And your daughter.

I hope DS does not think that I am " jumping all over him " or his parenting skills.

I am only here to understand the thought process.

I think it’s a good thing that you’re making him work and that he’s willing.

The concept isn't completely crazy. The question is, when to put it in motion.

I think it's all in the execution. If I thought you needed help I would have been perfectly willing to pitch in. If I caught on that you were doing it just to test me though, I would be gone as fast as I could walk out of the door. I would think you were making me jump through hoops just to see if I would jump, and I would probably consider that foreshadowing for the rest of the relationship.

You should be able to look at the rest of his life and how he handles his affairs to measure his worth without setting up tests to see how he reacts.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
I am with your wife and Bendable.

One: You have to trust your daughter. You raised her, she's going to pick guys that line up with your raising of her. You can gently keep your eye on a 17 year old, but they are damn near grown.

Two: It is not fair to the boy. He has to work to "earn" the chance to date your daughter? No, that isn't how it works.

I’d have to agree with this, and I do have a daughter. Before she is 18, I WILL be meeting her dating target. After 18, I REALLY want to meet him. Those are the main basic requirements. I will vet him through getting to know him. This may include some assistance requests at times, but is not dependent upon it.

quote:

Originally posted by XLT:
Give you a hand for a few days cleaning up chicken shit, seriously ? yeah no thanks! how about your daughter cleaning up chicken shit to go out with him.

quote:

Two: It is not fair to the boy. He has to work to "earn" the chance to date your daughter? No, that isn't how it works.

Well, it is but the traditional medium of exchange is cash.

Group projects to get to know one another is one thing, exchanging something of value for a date with your daughter is another.

Its a good idea. My FIL did a similar thing to me when I started dating his daughter seriously at 17. He asked my to help him out by detailing the company planes he flew and took care of. Turned into a paying gig and I enjoyed it.

On reflection, the idea seems a bit juvenile to me, but then it was a 17 (or 16) year old who suggested it. If your daughter can't weed out the non-hackers herself, maybe she should hold off on the dating for now.

I had sons, not daughters, so it was similar, but different. I taught them how to behave, and then trusted them to stick to it. I was never disappointed. If one of them had told me that he liked some girl but the dad was using him to shovel shit to test his 'devotion' to the girl, I would have suggested he find another young lady to date, because the father is obviously nuts.

When I went to my fiance's parents house to ask her dad for his Blessing for our marriage,

I guess I was so nervous and beating around the bush about it

He just blurted out," well I think it's a fine idea"

And her mom said wait! Wait !, Let him ask you the question !"

His expression changed from elation to total puzzlement, but he said We wish you all the best,welcome to our family.

Two weeks later we found out that he thought that I was going to ask if I could take over his farm operations.

quote:

Originally posted by Perception:
I think it's all in the execution. If I thought you needed help I would have been perfectly willing to pitch in. If I caught on that you were doing it just to test me though, I would be gone as fast as I could walk out of the door. I would think you were making me jump through hoops just to see if I would jump, and I would probably consider that foreshadowing for the rest of the relationship.

You should be able to look at the rest of his life and how he handles his affairs to measure his worth without setting up tests to see how he reacts.

When I initially read this thread, I thought it was a capital idea. The more I think about it, were I to find out a girl was "testing" me at that point in our relationship, or that her dad was, I would probably exit the situation quickly. Not that I was afraid of work back then, mind you. But the idea that I was their lab rat would probably affect forever the way I thought about everything they ever said again, and what their motive might be for it.

I would never ask/expect that out of someone I don't know. Now after they have gone on a date/dated, I wouldn't turn down the help if he offered. That would actually make me have respect for the young man...

Your plan isn’t foolproof. My niece had a boyfriend. The boyfriend was helpful to the dad. This went on for three years. My niece broke up with the guy because even though he was nice, he didn’t have much ambition.

I think her dad was equally heartbroken if not more.

I don't see a problem with the plan. I'm single and have no children, but if I did have a daughter(s) and they came up with this plan to weed out guys, I would think it was a great idea.

If the guy is really interested in the daughter, why wouldn't he be willing to help out with some work and try to bond with the father? I would be willing even as a teenager back in the day.

So what if it is shoveling some chicken shit. Yes, I know it stinks. So does pig shit and cow shit and a lot of other things. Work is hard and usually undesirable. If the lad is willing to help out, then I think it shows he has some meaningful interest in the daughter. It's not like you are forcing him to do it and are compelling him to continually do work just to keep dating the daughter.

And for those of you that would take a hike if you found out it was a test, I hate to tell you guys, but every single woman looking for a real relationship and not just a fling is testing you from the very first date onward weather you realize it or not. That is the nature of looking for the right one, testing to see if the guy (or woman if role reversed) is worthy.

quote:

Originally posted by joel9507:
Save the footage, it'll come in handy in 2050 for the first episode in the hit reality show: "Why My Daughter is a Spinster..."

Bon Mot!

Pay him at least $50.00. Be sure to provide gloves, mask, rubber boots, water, and what-not. This is also his opportunity for a test of you being a courteous provider.

At 17 I wasn't looking for a future wife. I respected my girlfriends without any gotta impress dad nonsense. Shoveling shit for 8 hours just so I could pay to take a girl for a meal and a movie would have been a non starter. It's a different story if dad asked for some help after a relationship was established.