|Striker in waiting|
When faced with a choice of three urinals - especially the old fashioned kind (spaced close together, no dividers), don't use the freaking middle one! How hard is that to understand? How do you not know that rule? Seriously!
Geez. This is very well established stuff.
I predict that there will be many suggestions and statements about the law made here, and some of them will be spectacularly wrong. - jhe888
It should be common knowledge. It's particularly annoying when there's one of those stupid cattle trough urinals.
|Did you come from behind |
that rock, or from under it?
Don't forget to ask: are you a peeker or a stretcher?
Sic semper libtardis
This was hilarious, love the guy making the balloon animal while at the urinal
Walther PPS M2
I've found that you can depopulate the area quickly by saying loudly, "Hey! Nice dick!!".
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. - George Bernard Shaw
|His Royal Hiney|
or, "Need a helping hand with that?"
"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
|thin skin can't win|
That second one is a classic - saw it years ago, thanks for that!
You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02
Once I was put in charge of the urinals. In fact, I held the rank of Colonel. Sadly, it was an honorary rank.
There were a number of rules concerning the urinals which I was expected to enforce. The main one was even though there were multiple urinals, only one could be actually used. If any of the others were used, it was a big problem for me.
Heavy is the head that wears the crown!
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
|Fly High, A.J.|
Permanent Latrine Orderly (PLO)?
Now if we can just get morons to courtesy flush.
Do you know what this means? It means I am a member of a gang, only we have badges, which means you are done.
I didn't make it. The check, mate vs checkmate drives me nuts too
The first 100 people to make it out alive...get to live.
There was a time long ago when I walked into the bathroom, considered for a minute (really 5 seconds) then retraced my steps out the front door, across the parking lot, and took a leak in the bushes. Trees, really. Then I walked back inside, went to my desk and started working. No, I didn't bother to wash my hands. Mine is small enough I don't need 2 hands to do the task.
I was called out on it by one of the stupid and loudmouthed females in the office. I ignored her as I always do. Another, much better looking and usually quiet waited a few minutes and asked what that was all about. I told her to go to the men's john, walk inside, then come back out and see if any explanation was needed.
She couldn't believe what I'd told her, but in a move of daring, she did. Others trying to work (rare) were confused. She came back after a few minutes, looking ashed like she'd just puked, came back quietly and sat at her desk. Not a word at first. That one got an answer from the second. Unusually snippy given her generally nice personality. It was "go look for yourself if you need an answer."
That resulted in a mass exodus to have a looksee for themselves. They came back wretching and snickering. Hmmm. The second girl, the nicer one then looked over at me and said, "OK Dick, you get a free pass on that one." Then we lost another couple of minutes of foot shuffling with no one else saying a word. By then I had the nerve to shut things down. I just loudly commanded "enough toilet fun for one day, everybody back to work".
Only after a few hours did the few who hadn't gone to look inquired. We'd had a toilet problem that needed fixing. The scrounge who acted as our maintenance man had been called early on. Toilet work wasn't his favorite, but he got called again and then the owner was called. Finally "Paul" couldn't put it off and showed up down at our building.
The pisser was clogged up. He was sitting on the floor in front of it, working with his compliment of plumbers tools. The most important being his pipe wrench. He hadn't bothered to bring along a bucket. What a fool. So I assume his first act was to break open the trap. It allowed a flood of "stuff" to run out and form a huge puddle that included his work space. So he absorbed some of the same stuff into his pants, etc.
When something disgusts you, Its better to move along and not bother to say anything. In my case, I'd ingested a full coke at lunch and needed to drain it out. No way I was going to walk in the stuff to try to get to one of the sit down places. Once I'd seen my options, the bushes out back seemed the best option to me. I took it without any other consideration. The others couldn't keep quiet about my bathroom habit. It was discussed many times after that, and almost all agreed I'd done the right thing.
And the other chapter of the story was that Paul had completed the unpleasant job fairly quickly. He picked up his tools and proceeded to return to the other buildings. To get out of the office area, he had to walk/slosh right through the office. From the back to the front door, then out to the lot. To his credit, maybe, he had on rubber boots. And the only way for him to drive back was in the wet attire. I'd never had any reason to have any other contact with him, and I was glad for it.
Our toilet habits vary some. I'm pretty set in my ways, and I have no aversion to peeing outside in the great outdoors. I try to pick a place where I"m not being viewed by others. But its not my only concern. These days I only go to gunshows where my use of public facilities are necessary. My wife has a long standing rule to always, without fail, go "potty" before leaving the house. It seems like a good rule and gives you 3 or 4 hours of freedom.
Unhappy ammo seeker
An ex-colleague (and I use the word advisedly) of mine actually did that. He thought that was funny.
Soon thereafter a divider was placed between the urinals.
Not long after that he left the company. Meant more work for me, but it was welcome.
"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system,,,, but too early to shoot the bastards." -- Claire Wolfe
"Whenever somebody uses 'liberal,' when what they really mean is 'leftist,' they immediately lose my attention." -- Me
Size notwithstanding, I keep mine clean and make a particular point not to pee on myself.
Set the controls for the heart of the Sun.
|Page late and a dollar short|
Certain outdoor sporting event I know of as the day progresses, the men's room floor gets wetter from the backed up urinals. Literally standing water on the floor. Disgusting.......
Douglas MacArthur: “Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.”
You're quite right, this is a well-established etiquette. And those videos are quite old. But pity the guy who varies from the etiquette.
|Stumbling through where |
others have fallen
Sign above Urinal read:
"Don't throw cigarette butts in urinal.
They get soggy and are hard to light."
"Things are more the way they are today than they've ever been before"
I am the only patron of the urinal in my garage, training video not required
For some reason, Islamists are the only racist, sexist, homophobic theocrats the media can't summon outrage against.
|Cogito Ergo Sum|
A month after I started the job I am in now, one of my coworkers came into my office and asked if I could teach her 10 year old son urinal etiquette. She felt it best if the advice came from a man. I did and eighteen years later he appreciates that I did.
|Dances With |
And if you think it’s bad to be swept by a fool at the gun range....I shouldn’t explain this problem at the urinals.
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