Top knot/manbun. Get a haircut hippy. You aren’t a Samurai, you’re just another pussy copying other pussies, with zero originality. You look like an idiot. Maybe you can get yourself a boyfriend and y’all can play with each other’s hair up on Brokeback sweet boy.
Beards (any and all, be a man and shave you twat). You can grow it out but ZZ Top did it 40 something years ago already. You can trim it, but Kenny Loggins played that out in the 80’s kid. You want to do something semi-original, shave your face and go for the Michael Bolton look. At least you’ll be more original than 99% of the Twatters out there.
Sleeve tats. You aren’t Yakuza, Hawaiian or Samoan. Those folks have a long history with tats with meaning. You walked into a tattoo parlor and picked something out off the wall or you found some pic on the internet and copied it.
Seriously, is there anything original about yourself?
Have fun if you even make it to old age and your sleeve tat is a wrinkled mess.
Women getting tats with some little saying on the side of their rib cage. Seriously Megan Fox did this like 10 years ago, you aren’t original. Or getting some little saying tatted on your wrist, oh how original. There are millions just like you. Maybe be different and get your butthole tattooed, only a few have done that. If everyone is doing the same thing then you are a muppet so maybe dress up as the green frog this Halloween you loser.
Fakebook, Twatter, Instacrap, SnapCrap, it’s all complete and utter bullshit. Be an adult pick up the phone and call someone, old school. If you are so lazy you can’t call someone or write an email you should probably see a shrink or find a Dr. Kevorkian in your area. Life goes by real fast millennials, so fast it’ll make your head spin. You might want TO DO THINGS in life while you can, that means be in the moment, in motion.
Social media apps are played out! Get a new rhyme! Hey and guess what? They sell all your data, that’s why it is free! Anything you post, any photo you upload, gets sold to the highest bidder. So by all means check your snail mail every day and look for the check. Don’t worry we’ll wait to hear back from you on this.
For fuck sakes you don’t need to take pics of your food or videos of utter bullshit. Put the camera down. And for all the people who film me working my dog, fuck you! You didn’t ask for my permission and I don’t want to be on your page, oh and fuck your followers too! Now you folks with the real cameras and lenses (not a g damn phone), taking real imagery, props! I know those folks take their craft or hobby seriously, because they spent thousands and their camera doesn’t have social media apps on it!
Selfie sticks. I wish it was legal to grab them and break them over your neck, or the law should just ban them altogether. You are not special, your entire life won’t even be a grain of sand in history so just put the stick down man. Taking thousands of pictures of yourself indicates you are a narcissist and that isn’t good for society because we all have to live together whether we like or not. It is self absorption so again, you should probably see a shrink. Sticks are for old people who need assistance walking, they aren’t for you to hold your phone.
Smartphones. For all the convenience they offer I’d pay to go back to flip phones and crappy ring tones. The smartphone is played out. Quit using it during a movie, quit driving a vehicle and trying to surf at the same time. Charlie don’t surf while they drive, it’s dangerous, so you shouldn’t either! If you want to stick that phone up your ass in the privacy of your own home, go for it, but quit making strangers, or the public deal with your addiction. If you are walking, eating, driving, ordering, buying, put the mother fucking thing up and act like you’ve been here before.
Fat people in Yoga pants, just stop it. Think of your yoga pants like a bikini. If you’re a heffer you probably shouldn’t be wearing a g string type bikini, and those pants are the same. If you aren’t in shape, put on some sweatpants, no need to go full moron hanging your fat out for all to see. Do you see a bunch of fat men wearing spandex t-shirts so the world can see their gut and love handles? No, because they have some common sense. If you want to wear them so bad then get in shape and put the fast food combo meal sacks of shit down. Go to the gym, do some push ups or something.
These thing above don’t make you different special one, they make you the same. If you are doing the exact same thing as everyone else, you aren’t being you, you’re just a robot. Enjoy your extra big ass fries and if you don’t smoke Tarryltons, fuck you!
Edit: How could I forget? Protests. “we’re not gonna protest!” Please watch a film called “PCU.” It came out before you weren’t born way way back in 1994. When you become an adult you contact your elected leaders and ask for change. The rest of us don’t protest stupid shit because we’ve got bills and shit. When you get out of your parents basement and get a real job you’ll see you don’t have time for that shit because you have to work and pay bills. Be the “different” millennial, tell your dipshit friends you can’t go because you have to go to work, maybe it’ll catch on.
Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
"I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!" - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes"
from the abyss
Kudos to a fine rant. Couldn't agree more with everything...except for the beard thing.
I've shaved once since 1990 and don't plan to ever again.
"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy." Winston Churchill
Using the term “played out.” - It’s not 1963 and the saying hasn’t been cool for the better part of a century, knock it off already.
I own a bunch of Sigs with Beavertails...
|Frangas non Flectes|
Same. Of everything on that list, it’s the one thing we know has gone in and out of fashion for thousands of years. Show me a sculpture from classical Greece or Rome depicting some asshole with a man bun, yoga pants, and a smartphone and maybe I’ll agree that beards can go on the list as well.
Also have to point out that the kinda folks in the last point are also the kind of folks that grew up listening to the album in your avatar like it was instructions for life.
1978 just called. It wants you back.
It wasn’t directed at grown men. It was directed at a certain generation who deem it a prerequisite to even function. You start to notice such things when you see groups of them and they all look the same. same haircut, same manicured beard, the tats, some with the large holes through their ears. It’s a scratched LP.
Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?
10/10 on the rant scale. Fucking outstanding. I wish I could be this eloquent when ranting about shit that pisses me off.
|Plowing straight ahead come what may|
This...but I haven't shaved since 1977...them damn razors is expensive...and I don't think people would recognize me with out a beard (plus it would scare the chirrins and cattle)
"we've gotta roll with the punches, learn to play all of our hunches
Making the best of what ever comes our way
Forget that blind ambition and learn to trust your intuition
Plowing straight ahead come what may
And theres a cowboy in the jungle"
Masterfully laid out rant, Sir.
Grumpy people can't be bothered to learn stuff like how to scale a jpeg. They are too busy being grumpy.
Epic rant. I will add: Skinny pants.
End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
|always with a hat or sunscreen|
Screw that beard comment. My head hair simply slid down to my face so deal with it!
Certifiable member of the gun toting, septuagenarian, bucket list workin', crazed retiree, bald is beautiful club!
|Three Generations |
Admiral Zumwalt said I didn't have to shave in 1971. So I didn't, until 1983 when Admiral Watkins said I did.
Then I retired in 1990 and didn't shave until 2010 when I got greedy and took a job for serious money that said I did. Then I got laid off that same year and quit shaving again.
I don't expect to ever have a nekkid face again.
Except for that minor point, excellent rant.
(Terribly judgemental of you tho...)
Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent.
Haven’t had a completely smooth mug since high school. Gotta keep part of this face covered or the chicks will be all over me.
Agree with all except for a beard. I've been on active duty for 16 years and usually always have to be clean shaven. I'm on a broadening assignment in DC that allows me to wear civilians and have a beard. I'm a month in to my growth and will likely keep it for my 12 month assignment.
|On the DL|
My DD-214 says that my Honorable Discharge was in May 1962. (Fifty-six years ago? Time flies when you're having fun!)
I have not shaved since then. Well, I do use a razor to clean up the edges. I do not have a big bushy beard -- I keep it trimmed short, so it is not really out of place in anything from shorts and t-shirt to a business suit (now that I work for myself, the suit is only broken out for weddings, funerals, and Bar Mitzvahs).
A mind is a terrible thing.
Strange world , That was the same for me also,May 22 to be exact.
Oddly, mine was May as well. May 8th. Different decade though.
Hedley Lamarr: Wait, wait, wait. I'm unarmed.
Bart: Alright, we'll settle this like men, with our fists.
Hedley Lamarr: Sorry, I just remembered . . . I am armed.
|Go ahead punk, make my day|
"Jumping the Shark".
Especially when everything is doing it.
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