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An observation about funerals....(uelogy included in OP) Login/Join 
Too clever by half
Picture of jigray3
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quote:
Originally posted by LS1 GTO:
Ronin,

If the pastor is doing a service (Anglicans do) for funerals, there will probably be a semi polite time to interrupt.


I agree. It's a trite expression, but true I think that we tend to regret the things we don't do more than the things we do. If you stand up, respectfully suggest you'd like to say a few things about you father, who's really going to stop you? Only someone prepared to make themselves look petty.




"We have a system that increasingly taxes work, and increasingly subsidizes non-work" - Milton Friedman
 
Posts: 10353 | Location: Richmond, VA | Registered: December 11, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
chickenshit
Picture of rsbolo
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Ronin, I think your plan is an excellent one.

I will raise a glass in your father's honor tonight and on whatever day you carry out your plan if you post when that will be.


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Posts: 8000 | Location: East Central FL | Registered: January 05, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
Picture of Rey HRH
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I don't get the no eulogy rule. You're the son.

Have you confirmed with the pastor? Maybe talk to the pastor and tell him your intent to speak. Ask how much time he'll give you and when in the service. I think he'll understand. It might be just the step-mother controlling it. And if he doesn't cooperate, as others said, you might just step up and say, "Excuse me folks, I just need to get this off my chest to say goodbye to my father..."

I mean funerals are really for the living - to bring closure for them, to say goodbye.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 19645 | Location: The Free State of Arizona - Ditat Deus | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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quote:
Originally posted by Rey HRH:
I don't get the no eulogy rule. You're the son.


I'd imagine the clergy that institute the rule have run into one or more situations where it either rambled on far too long or took the service in a direction they found disruptive. I guess when you ask them to officiate, you are agreeing to follow their protocol.
 
Posts: 8954 | Location: The Red part of Minnesota | Registered: October 06, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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quote:
Originally posted by YooperSigs:
Sorry for your situation but it unfortunately is all too common. In my younger days I had a part time gig at a funeral home. It amazed me when families put the "fun" in dysfunctional at the time of the funeral.
When my mother died, my family came to me and said they had no money for the arrangements. I then used my entire paltry savings to pay for the funeral and a simple memorial service. My family then told me that they were very unhappy with the arrangements and that I should pay for a much more extravagant send off and coffin.
I then went to the funeral director and demanded my money back.
That's right, I got a refund on my mothers funeral. I told my family they were on their own and broke all contact with them. My life was much better off.
Based on these experiences, I will leave very explicit instructions for my last arrangements with a very simple cremation and no service. Any other memorials will be up to those I leave behind to plan.
A funeral should be for all who knew the deceased to come together and honor and celebrate the life lived. All too often it comes to just another family fight.


I like you.
 
Posts: 7016 | Registered: April 02, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
Picture of Rey HRH
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quote:
Originally posted by MNSIG:
quote:
Originally posted by Rey HRH:
I don't get the no eulogy rule. You're the son.


I'd imagine the clergy that institute the rule have run into one or more situations where it either rambled on far too long or took the service in a direction they found disruptive. I guess when you ask them to officiate, you are agreeing to follow their protocol.


Here's what I know: The clergy is providing a service whether paid or not. I think in most cases, there's a fee involved. I paide for the clery in both of my parent's funerals. It was arranged by the funeral home.

I don't remember what happened in my father's as that was a long time ago but I did speak during the service. I don't remember whether I was asked or I told them.

In my mother's which was early January of this year, I talked with the priest before the service that I have a eulogy prepared and when can I expect to speak. He also asked me if I wanted rosary to be said, I said no.

Any clergy providing a funeral service should be able to accommodate family saying eulogies unless it's a religion-wide prohibition and not just dependent on the particular clergy.

I'm not trying to be funny but it's the analogy I thought of at the moment. When I'm getting a massage, I have the right to have the masseuse accommodate my request of lighter or stronger pressure and where. The masseuse is providing me a service to make me feel good, in the same way, the clergy at a funeral is to provide a servcie that makes the living feel good.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 19645 | Location: The Free State of Arizona - Ditat Deus | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Semper Fi - 1775
Picture of Ronin1069
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Bump for final update in OP


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Posts: 12320 | Location: Belly of the Beast | Registered: January 02, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
אַרְיֵה
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A truly loving farewell.



הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
 
Posts: 30641 | Location: Central Florida, Orlando area | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
And say my glory was
I had such friends.
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Good job, Ronin.




"I don't shoot well, but I shoot often." - Pres. T. Roosevelt
 
Posts: 1941 | Location: Chandler, AZ | Registered: June 30, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Staring back
from the abyss
Picture of Gustofer
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I'm not ashamed to say that that eulogy brought a tear to my eye.

I envy those of you who had good fathers.


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Posts: 20075 | Location: Montana | Registered: November 01, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
A Grateful American
Picture of sigmonkey
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Thank you for sharing your dad's memory with us.

He raised a fine son indeed, and one whom I am sure, made him proud many times over.

May God bless and keep those memories strong in you, and may your dad
s name and memory, always be for a blessing.




"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!
 
Posts: 43865 | Location: ...... I am thrice divorced, and I live in a van DOWN BY THE RIVER!!! (in Arkansas) | Registered: December 20, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Gone but Together Again.
Dad & Uncle
Picture of h2oys
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Thanks again for sharing.

Enjoy your cigar and bourbon tonight!
 
Posts: 3716 | Location: St. Louis, MO | Registered: November 24, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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I also gave the eulogy at my father's funeral. Hardest thing I had ever done.

But I was requested by my family to do it.
 
Posts: 7016 | Registered: April 02, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Not really from Vienna
Picture of arfmel
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That was a fine eulogy for a good man. Nice job.
 
Posts: 26892 | Location: Jerkwater, Texas | Registered: January 30, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of ShouldBFishin
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Ronin,


Thanks for sharing the eulogy - you did a great job with that - those are some great stories Cool.


That's some pretty country near McGregor. Love that School House Cafe up there too...
 
Posts: 1800 | Location: MN | Registered: March 29, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
of sunshine
Picture of jhe888
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quote:
Originally posted by Jeff Yarchin:
Ronin, if you want to give a eulogy, you should interrupt and give one. They can't stop you if you are aggressive enough.

I am very sorry for your loss Brother. Do what you feel good about doing despite efforts to silence you.


I have to say this occurred to me. Just get up and give a eulogy. What are they gonna do? Delta Airline you?

However you handle it, me best to you.




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 53121 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
recovering ammoholic
Picture of jaybird86
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Ronin,

That was a beautiful eulogy. Your dad sounds awesome, and very close to my own father.

My condolences for your loss.

v/r,
J


---------------------------------
How's your cardio?
Nature, alas, made only one being out of you although there was material for a good man and a rogue.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche
 
Posts: 1014 | Location: Overrun in Northern VA | Registered: January 01, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
recovering ammoholic
Picture of jaybird86
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by jhe888:
quote:
Originally posted by Jeff Yarchin:
Ronin, if you want to give a eulogy, you should interrupt and give one. They can't stop you if you are aggressive enough.

I am very sorry for your loss Brother. Do what you feel good about doing despite efforts to silence you.


I have to say this occurred to me. Just get up and give a eulogy. What are they gonna do? SNIP Delta /SNIP United Airline you?

However you handle it, me best to you.


---------------------------------
How's your cardio?
Nature, alas, made only one being out of you although there was material for a good man and a rogue.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche
 
Posts: 1014 | Location: Overrun in Northern VA | Registered: January 01, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
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quote:
Originally posted by Ronin1069:
Bump for final update in OP


Thanks for the update and the beautiful eulogy. I'm sorry for your loss of what sounds like a wonderful man. I'll make sure to give my pops an extra big hug next time I see him. I love him as much as I'm sure you love yours.
 
Posts: 34 | Location: Ohio | Registered: March 07, 2016Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Mistake Not...
Picture of Loswsmith
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I'm sorry for your loss. Lost my dad when I was 19 suddenly and still regret not being more "together" at funeral to say something. But he knows I love him, it's the last thing I said to him. I'm glad you got your chance to speak. You're in my prayers.


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Velocitas Incursio Vis - Gandhi
 
Posts: 1951 | Location: T-town in the 253 | Registered: January 16, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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