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Describing hard liquor in the same manor as wines Login/Join 
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Picture of arcwelder76
posted
Frankly, the haughty descriptions on the wee cards at the liquor store have always bugged me, and if I wasn't in the wine aisle, it wasn't a problem.

But, now everything needs a paragraph talking about "notes" and "finishes."

I get it, we need to describe how something tastes and simultaneously promote it.

But, the method you describe a bourbon should not have the same linguistic feel as a chardonnay.

I can't help but read the cards, but I have yet for them to inform me on a choice. I'll try just about anything, and the only one I've really regretted was "Bakon" the bacon flavored vodka.

At the very least, I'd like the character of the overly verbose BS to match that of the type of liquor, if not the brand itself.

If I'm buying a bourbon, I don't want to hear about how it has a mouth feel of rolled cinnamon with an elderberry finish. No, if you're selling me bourbon, tell me it tastes like an old boot with the finish of a punch in the gut. Or just lie and tell me it's like licking the back of Scarlett Johansen's knee.

I like peaty Scotch, just once I'd like to read "with a hint of burning tires."

At least have some fun with the nonsensical jerking off that are these blurbs to sell liquor.


Arc.
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Posts: 24364 | Location: Love that dirty water, oh | Registered: June 09, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I gotta say, those are some interesting descriptions. LOL




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Posts: 4135 | Location: Raleigh, North Carolina | Registered: September 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Hop head
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you should try working with a bunch of Wine Stewards......

most are very very hoity toity, or at least think they are, and live for all that drama on the labels,

one of the highlights when I was in the grocery business was all the free portfolio tastings and free bottles of Wine/beer I would get,,

the trouble was, all of the wine tastings involved being in a room with a bunch of salespeople (not a bad thing mostly) and Wine stewards,,,

at least the wine was good,, in some cases very very good



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Posts: 6563 | Location: Beach VA,not VA Beach | Registered: July 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of arcwelder76
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Bombay Sapphire - filtered through the finest potpourri we found on the back of your grandma's toilet.


Arc.
______________________________

"Like a bitter weed, I'm a bad seed"- Johnny Cash

"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." - Pee Wee Herman

 
Posts: 24364 | Location: Love that dirty water, oh | Registered: June 09, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of konata88
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Agree. Have wished for a long time that any tasting notes be supplementary to measured metrics like sweetness/dryness or acidity. And they don’t need to be in the same house, so to speak. Different ratings systems for different beverages is fine.

I had a couple of mint juleps for lunch one day. One was great. Switched to a different bourbon for the second one and I think it seared my throat. Screw the notes, give me some objectives first.




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Posts: 7181 | Location: In the gilded cage | Registered: December 09, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
TANSTAAFL
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Drinking Lagavulin was like drinking liquid smoke. The ad material called it “dry and peaty”.
 
Posts: 527 | Location: Baltimore til I can get out of there. | Registered: June 08, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of arcwelder76
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Lagavulin is my favorite Scotch. The peatiest I ever had was Loch Dhu.


Arc.
______________________________

"Like a bitter weed, I'm a bad seed"- Johnny Cash

"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." - Pee Wee Herman

 
Posts: 24364 | Location: Love that dirty water, oh | Registered: June 09, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Ah yes... Laphroaig Quarter Cask...a full on rubber fire Big Grin


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Hop head
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quote:
Originally posted by buddy357:
Drinking Lagavulin was like drinking liquid smoke. The ad material called it “dry and peaty”.



try Caol Ila,

and it is tasty



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Posts: 6563 | Location: Beach VA,not VA Beach | Registered: July 17, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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It tastes like burning wood...but not,like, some shitty pine or a locust you have tried to kill three times and finally just ripped out of the ground and threw on the burn pile. We are talking furniture-grade here. Like, if they hadn’t kept this pure grain alcohol sitting in here for the last few presidents, this wood would totally be paneling some hotshot lawyers office, or maybe ended up as some fancy piece of furniture that is too nice to actually store stuff on. This was primo wood, and we lit that shit on fire just because we wanted our swill to have a hint of something beautiful being destroyed. We probably could have just poured it over some ground up Kingsford, but where is the fun in that?

- Bret
 
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Age Quod Agis
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quote:
We probably could have just poured it over some ground up Kingsford, but where is the fun in that?

If you are going to do that, please don't use the "Matchlight" kind unless you intend to mix the resulting liquor with Red Bull or 5 Hour Energy.



"We may consent to be governed, but we will not be ruled." - Kevin D. Williamson, 2012

"All the citizens of this land are of right freemen; they owe no allegiance to any class and should recognize no task-masters. Under the chart of their liberties, under the law of high heaven, they are free and without shackles on their limbs nor mortgages upon the fruits of their brain or muscles; they bow down before no prince, potentate, or sovereign, nor kiss the royal robes of any crowned head; they render homage only to their God and should pay tribute only to their Government. Such at least is the spirit of our institutions, the character of our written national compact."

Charles Triplett O’Ferrall of Virginia - In Congress, May 1, 1888
 
Posts: 9095 | Location: Central Florida | Registered: November 02, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of arcwelder76
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quote:
Originally posted by sadlerbw:
It tastes like burning wood...but not,like, some shitty pine or a locust you have tried to kill three times and finally just ripped out of the ground and threw on the burn pile. We are talking furniture-grade here. Like, if they hadn’t kept this pure grain alcohol sitting in here for the last few presidents, this wood would totally be paneling some hotshot lawyers office, or maybe ended up as some fancy piece of furniture that is too nice to actually store stuff on. This was primo wood, and we lit that shit on fire just because we wanted our swill to have a hint of something beautiful being destroyed. We probably could have just poured it over some ground up Kingsford, but where is the fun in that?

- Bret


Filtered through charcoal made of the finest dead poets.


Arc.
______________________________

"Like a bitter weed, I'm a bad seed"- Johnny Cash

"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." - Pee Wee Herman

 
Posts: 24364 | Location: Love that dirty water, oh | Registered: June 09, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fly High, A.J.
Picture of tk13
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Here's the description I look for:

 
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Never Go
Full Retard
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Plywood aged for 6 months and filtered through old tshirts.




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Picture of pbramlett
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quote:
Originally posted by thezoltar:
Ah yes... Laphroaig Quarter Cask...a full on rubber fire Big Grin


Omg! It tastes like iodine to me. Blech, have an acquaintance that loves the stuff.


Regards,

P.
 
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is circumspective
Picture of vinnybass
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I occasionally like a Tanqueray Martini. Up, not too dry. Though if I had to describe it I'd say, "A delicate hint of hairspray up front finishing with a note of fine paint thinner on the palate at the end."
 
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The Unmanned Writer
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quote:
Originally posted by arcwelder76:
Lagavulin is my favorite Scotch. The peatiest I ever had was Loch Dhu.


That sir is my favorite scotch. Unequivocally.







Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul.


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Picture of Gustofer
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quote:
Originally posted by arcwelder76:

I like peaty Scotch, just once I'd like to read "with a hint of burning tires."

I once described Scotch in an old thread similar to this. If memory serves, I was admonished for it by some of the purists here.

As I recall, my description was not unlike taking a few pairs of old dirty sweat socks and stuffing them inside a worn out tire. Then, after lighting the tire on fire with a low grade diesel and letting it burn for no more than 30 minutes, promptly burying it in a peat bog for a few years. After digging it out and wringing out the socks through an unwashed jockstrap into a bottle labeled "Your Finest Scotch", you could enjoy a shot or four...or not.

I've tried to like the stuff. Can't do it.


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"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy." Winston Churchill
 
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Picture of KMitch200
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quote:
Originally posted by Gustofer:
I've tried to like the stuff. Can't do it.

Same here. Yuck! Life is too short to waste it on something that's an "acquired taste".
I asked a friend who had some "good" scotch and said, "How long does it have to taste like shit before it tastes like something I would want to drink?"

He couldn't give me a definitive answer and I guessed it would be maybe the next lifetime.


--------
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Shaman
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Good brandy should have a biter dark chocolate aftertaste to it.





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