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I believe in the
principle of
Due Process
Picture of JALLEN
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“Tom said to himself that it was not such a hollow world, after all. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain.”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer




Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me.

When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson

"Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown
 
Posts: 40288 | Location: Texas hill country | Registered: July 04, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
TANSTAAFL
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quote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Second, take care of yourself. You've probably spent tons of time, money, and energy working, trying to take care of your son, and pining away for your ex and neglected yourself a bit.


RHINOWSO hit it dead on. I have done exactly that. I quit my hobbies (old cars, lifting, and shooting) I have spent a lot on her, and gone overboard covering things for my son so she didn't have to whether I had the money to do it or not. And since the judge ordered mediator was only willing to give me visitation as if I lived in her town I get my son a weekend a month, sometimes she lets me have two. It's a 5-6 hour drive each way down and back on Friday night and again on Sunday to take him back.

I need to limit things to my son and start taking care of myself again. Maybe have some fun. I understand the older guy thing. When I was freshly divorced, (before I let myself go) I kept having mid to late-20 somethings talking to me. Heck I was flattered, I was late 30's then, 43 now. That drove the ex nuts which made things difficult with her, so I never went out with any of them. And the ex is just 8 years younger than me.

I never got much out of counseling. Surprisingly venting here has helped, even though I have left a lot of the ugly stuff out. I appreciate having a place here to do it, since I have no friends here.
 
Posts: 472 | Location: Baltimore til I can get out of there. | Registered: June 08, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
TANSTAAFL
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by buddy357:
quote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Second, take care of yourself. You've probably spent tons of time, money, and energy working, trying to take care of your son, and pining away for your ex and neglected yourself a bit.


RHINOWSO hit it dead on. I have done exactly that. I quit my hobbies (old cars, lifting, and shooting) I have spent a lot on her, and gone overboard covering things for my son so she didn't have to whether I had the money to do it or not. And since the judge ordered mediator was only willing to give me visitation as if I lived in her town I get my son a weekend a month, sometimes she lets me have two. It's a 5-6 hour drive each way down and back on Friday night and again on Sunday to take him back.

I need to limit things to my son and start taking care of myself again. Maybe have some fun. I understand the older guy thing. When I was newly divorced, (before I let myself go) I kept having mid to late-20 somethings talking to me. Heck I was flattered, I was late 30's then, 43 now and a freshly minted Chief. That drove the ex nuts which made things difficult with her, so I never went out with any of them. And the ex is just 8 years younger than me.

I never got much out of counseling. Surprisingly venting here has helped, even though I have left a lot of the ugly stuff out. I appreciate having a place here to do it, since I have no friends here.
 
Posts: 472 | Location: Baltimore til I can get out of there. | Registered: June 08, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
TANSTAAFL
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Second, take care of yourself. You've probably spent tons of time, money, and energy working, trying to take care of your son, and pining away for your ex and neglected yourself a bit.


RHINOWSO hit it dead on. I have done exactly that. I quit my hobbies (old cars, lifting, and shooting) I have spent a lot on her, and gone overboard covering things for my son so she didn't have to whether I had the money to do it or not. And since the judge ordered mediator was only willing to give me visitation as if I lived in her town I get my son a weekend a month, sometimes she lets me have two. It's a 5-6 hour drive each way down and back on Friday night and again on Sunday to take him back.

I need to limit things to my son and start taking care of myself again. Maybe have some fun. I understand the older guy thing. When I was newly divorced, (before I let myself go) I kept having mid to late-20 somethings talking to me. Heck I was flattered, I was late 30's then and a freshly minted Chief, 43 now . That drove the ex nuts which made things difficult with her, so I never went out with any of them. And the ex is 8 years younger than me.

I never got much out of counseling. Surprisingly venting here has helped, even though I have left a lot of the ugly stuff out. I appreciate having a place here to do it, since I have no friends where I live.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: buddy357,
 
Posts: 472 | Location: Baltimore til I can get out of there. | Registered: June 08, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Prefontaine
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This sounds so similar. My soul mate (met her in high school), and all that. We were getting engaged, and all sorts of stuff started happening. In bed, we were made for each other, the rest not so much. She became narcissistic, money this and that, requirements list. I walked when I just knew it would end in divorce. She wanted control of all the things and wouldn't meet in the middle on anything. Even today, 16 years later, she knows she fucked up. The mutual attraction is still there. Some times you need to use the brain over the heart. The love is there, but other things are not. My ex, totally toxic. We could be married today, but my balls would be in her purse, and I'd be owned. My own self defense mechanisms will never allow me to be with someone I have to answer to in a boss/employee relationship. She used to do the same thing, start emailing and/or calling, bring the ass around for the sessions, etc. Some things very much like your situation.

It is tough, but your brain needs to take over and you must convince yourself to move on. She comes around for the yearly ass sessions, say no. Take the high road. Life is very short and you are burning time, wasting it. If it was gonna work out it would have the first time. You are many years past the divorce. You have to move on. If you can't do it yourself, you need to seek professional help. The best thing I ever did was move on from my deal. It was hard, because she was the one. I may never meet another. But you have to admit the truth to yourself. Many times that one, is completely toxic and no good for you. Better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons.



Now Daisy, I want us to work out a signal system of communication. When I elbow you real hard in the face, that means "shut up"!
 
Posts: 7563 | Registered: January 16, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of heatinajeep
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way too much out there to be caught up on one.
 
Posts: 1910 | Location: Moody, AL | Registered: February 10, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Go ahead punk, make my day
Picture of RHINOWSO
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Nothing will take your mind off the ex than some new, exotic wimmin-folk.

Don't get me wrong, random shack ups with them isn't the end all, be all (make sure you take precautions, last thing you need is another baby momma). But believe me, IT HELPS. It restores some of your self worth in yourself and reminds you that there is a SLEW of hot women out there.

And in your age category, there are plenty of similarly aged divorced women who are just looking for the same thing as you - consenting adults, enjoying each others company for as long as it lasts - usually it's a week or two, the next a couple of weeks, maybe a casual month. But it's just about having fun, licking your wounds, and moving on. Nothing serious and nobody is using anyone.

After that process has run it's course (a year or so), then you can look around for a more longer term relationship.

But don't rush into any serious relationship from here on out.




read what you want
watch what you want
play what you want
think what you want
say what you want
 
Posts: 34439 | Location: Around | Registered: July 12, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Who else?
Picture of Jager
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quote:
Originally posted by joatmonv:
As a man gets older, his stock with younger women continues to increase, especially if he has his act together. An older, divorced womans only decreases. Unfair but true as hell.

Rhino said this too and you may think it's bullshit but it isn't. I'm almost 50 and my GF is 37. Self confidence and a little gray hair possibly? Who knows.
The 24 year old barmaid at the local place found something about older men she liked too. I would never have a relationship with someone that young but anything else? Game on.
Get out and live life. Whatever it may be.


This is it. Rhino is the tip of the spear here.

Women depreciate. Men Appreciate.

From 20-35, women have something to offer a man. Before that, they are immature and relatively worthless in a relationship. After that, they become hormonal time bombs and their 'assets' begin the downhill slide. There are dozens of blogs, articles, interweb 'authorities' on this, but regardless of their actual validity, in the scope of human relationships, it is undeniable. Women have a short window, about 15 years to 'capture' a worthwhile man that will provide for her the majority of things she wants and/or needs in a durable relationship.

A man, however, tends to continue to increase in value in the majority of criteria women predominantly search for. If he has his chit together.

I'm an older guy. I'm not Brad Pitt. But I get hit on by a lot of young females, 19-25. I'm not rich, do not drive an expensive car and don't even own a house (although I lease two). My last major relationship of 7 years, I walked out on. She was a relatively amazing and desirable woman, but because she was insecure, she continually made bids to control me. I don't need to be controlled. I do that. I also have two guys that help me out when I need it. A father and son team.

I was also her fourth marriage; who could have seen that coming? Seriously, I understand the sex, the 'bonding', her psychological and emotional hold on you. Mine was afflicted with BPD, by far, the most feared affliction on the spectrum of mental disorders. It's a roller-coaster of WTF. Amazing highs. But a smart man realizes that ignoring the "You might not be tall enough to ride this ride (and stay on)" sign is flirting with his own sanity and viability.

I don't do 'catch-and-release'. I simply take the hook out of the water. I tell them I have shoes older than them (it's true). I'm not into leasing unless I think it's apt to become long term. I enjoy the saying, "A man looks for a woman to get into bed. A real man looks for one that's worth waking up to." The attention of young women is great, but the potential pitfalls are too numerous for me.

I take them out to movies, dinner, parties, events, we talk, laugh like kids (because they are - and I am in spirit) and yes, people look. Especially the female 35+ crowd, which I consider my target arena. But at the end of the evening, I take them home, give them a hug and a kiss on the forehead or cheek and get on about my business. No, I do not give them money. I simply treat them like a gentleman should, because they are more my 'daughters' than conquests. I'm flattered they find me interesting, and I return the favor.

Sometimes I reconsider my position. When they answer the door topless, or begin undressing in front of you when you're dropping them off, it's something to consider. So far, I've remained in the 40+ bracket and am quite content. That, and having options with even later models doesn't have me thinking about the ex's much.

I'll tell you the secret to most females. Make them laugh. It makes them comfortable, disarms them and makes their clothes fall off. Make sure they see you in the company of other females. They are curious and they will seek your attention. Then pick the one you want to wake up to.

I've got a 35 year old I'm cultivating, and I'm possibly robbing the cradle with her, being old enough to be her father. She is much like me in her measured criteria. I flat out tell her, I have no attention of trapping her. I just have to lure her in close enough to hit her with the hammer.

My advice is be in the company of other females. I learned this when my first marriage broke up and went through all the identical grief and having a daughter involved. I got to meet all the boyfriends. The endless train of them, of course. She made sure of it. She went on to have a total of four children, with three different men. It hurt. And it didn't quit hurting until I was in the company of others, and decided having fun with them was better than being miserable over the ex.

The best part is when, over the years, the ex's have all tried to take up with me again. Every one of them has at some point. A few I have dabbled with for the entertainment value. But predominantly, it's always been them discovering I had a newer model in the garage and me telling them to step off.

You sound like a good guy - and your son will grow to understand. I would suggest listening to "Highway 20 Ride" by the Zach Brown Band. The song gives me perspective, because I literally drove I-20 picking up and dropping off my daughter for visitation over many years, questioning it all, when it seemed like the punishment would never end.

It does. When you watch the road in front of you and cease looking in the rear view mirror.
 
Posts: 1842 | Location: Phoenix, Arizona | Registered: October 30, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Staring back
from the abyss
Picture of Gustofer
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quote:
Originally posted by Jager:
Seriously, I understand the sex, the 'bonding', her psychological and emotional hold on you. Mine was afflicted with BPD, by far, the most feared affliction on the spectrum of mental disorders. It's a roller-coaster of WTF. Amazing highs. But a smart man realizes that ignoring the "You might not be tall enough to ride this ride (and stay on)" sign is flirting with his own sanity and viability.

I've got that T-shirt as well. Five years of porn star sex coupled with a whole lot of WTF. Lesson learned and I'm awfully gun-shy since. Every man over a certain age should read up on this disorder and be on the look out for it. If you even think that it might be present, run far and run fast. They will destroy you and smile while doing it.

Lots of good advice and wisdom, too, in the rest of your write-up Jager.


________________________________________________________

"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy." Winston Churchill
 
Posts: 12202 | Location: Montana | Registered: November 01, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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