I think rhinowso is right, too. Time to change up your habits. Take up jogging, or better yet, start going to a gym, if you don't do these things already. It's an easy way to be around people without having to actually interact on a serious level. Take up a new hobby that involves others, if possible. That way you're not isolating yourself. Can you volunteer in your kid's athletic activities, as a coach, or helper?
Habits are hard to break without creating new patterns/ habits. And sometimes you have to force yourself to do it.
Do you have a pet, or something to care for at home? Something that requires love and affection and responds to you in return? Training a hunting dog, doing agility, even just obedience training your pet can help you focus on something else. I knew plenty of men at obed/agility class who had built an amazing bond with their dogs. Taking a daily walk with the dog invites conversation (my past boyfriends and now my husband often used to tease me about using my dogs as "bait" at the park- not joking, gals tend to love toy breeds). I'm just throwing things out here..
Tomorrow is a new day.
__________________________
"Trust, but verify."
April 13, 2017, 09:50 PM
T-Bohn
I learned dating ( still not married )
I learned, that I get over my last girlfriend.
When my current girlfriend dumps me.
your mileage may vary ...
April 13, 2017, 10:03 PM
sigmonkey
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!
April 14, 2017, 08:35 AM
smschulz
quote:
Awesome sex, but polar opposites in personality and what's important.
Couldn't you just be "buddies"?
April 14, 2017, 09:35 AM
83v45magna
quote:
Originally posted by T-Bohn: I learned dating ( still not married )
I learned, that I get over my last girlfriend.
When my current girlfriend dumps me.
your mileage may vary ...
I was thinking that. When I look back, the only way to truly be free of a woman is to get yourself another one.
I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all. -Ecclesiastes 9:11
April 14, 2017, 11:36 AM
buddy357
I've dated a few women the first couple years, nothing was all that great. After a couple years we started trying to get along for our son and fell into a weird friends (better than when married), ex's, sex buddies stage. I'm in MD and she's in NC, so it worked out ok. She claimed she would never marry again, but was happy where we were. But she has hinted at the clock ticking and I am physically unable to have more kids. And Christmas morning was good, her family does Christmas eve together and we do Christmas morning for our son. Last year she insisted I go to her family Christmas party and it was very awkward. Shortly after is when she started pulling back a bit. Didn't think much of it since she is fickle and bi-polar.
I think a lot of this is me. Reason being over the years I have dated and when things broke off I was told they dated me because I was "safe", "wouldn't hurt them", etc. I'm like a stepping stone to finding something better apparently. Maybe I was safe, but she wants more or someone talked to her again and convinced her there was better. I think she should be happy, and deserves to be happy with someone. Maybe marriage number 3 will be the one for her if it gets that far.
April 14, 2017, 12:29 PM
buddy357
And I jinxed it. Got a text saying I'm no longer welcome for Christmas morning or birthdays because it would be "too awkward". Must be serious, cause she is not gonna be able to tell our son that daddy doesn't want to be here on those.
April 14, 2017, 12:33 PM
buddy357
And now she wants me to not come to her house to pick up my son. Meet at the local grocery store instead. Don't quite understand what's happening but... wow. Guess I need to think on this a bit.
April 14, 2017, 01:25 PM
lingham
Pray and let her go. Once you have you will find peace. When one door closes, another door opens. But it looks like you will have to close the door.
GOD, Family, Country
April 14, 2017, 01:30 PM
sigmonkey
Time to pull out and dust of the Divorce Decree, MSA and Custody & Visitation Orders and contact your attorny.
If you let her start/continue jerking you around, you will be one more-than-you-think-you-are-now miserable SOB.
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!
April 14, 2017, 02:10 PM
snidera
quote:
Originally posted by sigmonkey: Time to pull out and dust of the Divorce Decree, MSA and Custody & Visitation Orders and contact your attorny.
If you let her start/continue jerking you around, you will be one more-than-you-think-you-are-now miserable SOB.
This popped in my head too. Someones pulling her strings.
April 14, 2017, 05:01 PM
buddy357
There was a lot of this during the divorce. There were times we'd talk things out and decide to stay together. Then she would talk to her mom and we were off again.
As much as I think it will suck for me and my son, I need to step back and minimize contact with her and get back to being an ass about her not following the court orders in place. That should help. Sad thing is my son sees this stuff and i know it affects him, will have to minimize its affect as much as I can.. Thanks guys.
You're grieving a loss. You haven't done yourself any favors by continuing to bring the loss back only to have to let go again. Be cordial and stick to the rules. In the meantime enjoy your son to the fullest when he is with you. When he's not with you spend the time figuring out who you are. You have to separate your identity from the relationship. No longer a husband but still a dad. The last thing you want to do is is get emotionally involved right away. Now is your time, make the best of it. If a man can't live with himself how can he expect others to want to live with him?
April 14, 2017, 06:42 PM
DonDraper
Time to Lawyer up, delete Facebook, hit the gym...
Seriously though you gotta let her go. It's been seven years. There's nothing worse than worrying about that sort of thing all day long. Let go of the past. Release the past my friend. Be there for your son.
-------------------- I like Sigs and HK's, and maybe Glocks
April 14, 2017, 06:54 PM
RHINOWSO
Dude, you have all sorts of things going for you. The world can be your oyster, but you have to help it help you.
First, be there for your son and don't change that. Talk to your ex but don't let her drag you in again. And rest assured she will if the thing with this guy she mentioned goes south. So quit being her "sure thing".
Second, take care of yourself. You've probably spent tons of time, money, and energy working, trying to take care of your son, and pining away for your ex and neglected yourself a bit - but don't beat yourself up, it happens. Now drop worrying about your ex and use that time to take care of yourself. Work out, eat better, get in better shape (since it sounds like you said you need to). That will (1) make you feel better about yourself (2) help you sleep at night; ie not think about your ex because you'll be tired and (3) you'll be that older, attractive, in shape guy that the women WANT.
Third, date some women and be casual as hell about it. You don't need to be looking for a long term relationship or your next wife. Learn to have fun again and pretty soon all that hot sex you had with your ex will be forgotten with hot sex with younger, hotter chicks than your ex-wife. Give it 2-3 years and you'll be ready for a longer term relationship and find someone great.
As a man gets older, his stock with younger women continues to increase, especially if he has his act together. An older, divorced womans only decreases. Unfair but true as hell.
It's all there for the taking. The chains holding you back are in your mind. Chop them off and free yourself.
__________________________________________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself. Richard M Nixon
It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice. Billy Joe Shaver
NRA Life Member
April 14, 2017, 07:34 PM
L90814
RHINOWSO said it perfectly!
April 15, 2017, 05:17 PM
joatmonv
quote:
Originally posted by RHINOWSO: Dude, you have all sorts of things going for you. The world can be your oyster, but you have to help it help you.
First, be there for your son and don't change that. Talk to your ex but don't let her drag you in again. And rest assured she will if the thing with this guy she mentioned goes south. So quit being her "sure thing".
Second, take care of yourself. You've probably spent tons of time, money, and energy working, trying to take care of your son, and pining away for your ex and neglected yourself a bit - but don't beat yourself up, it happens. Now drop worrying about your ex and use that time to take care of yourself. Work out, eat better, get in better shape (since it sounds like you said you need to). That will (1) make you feel better about yourself (2) help you sleep at night; ie not think about your ex because you'll be tired and (3) you'll be that older, attractive, in shape guy that the women WANT.
Third, date some women and be casual as hell about it. You don't need to be looking for a long term relationship or your next wife. Learn to have fun again and pretty soon all that hot sex you had with your ex will be forgotten with hot sex with younger, hotter chicks than your ex-wife. Give it 2-3 years and you'll be ready for a longer term relationship and find someone great.
As a man gets older, his stock with younger women continues to increase, especially if he has his act together. An older, divorced womans only decreases. Unfair but true as hell.
It's all there for the taking. The chains holding you back are in your mind. Chop them off and free yourself.
Right. Fucking. Here. Exactly what Rhino said. Drop it off your back and get out and do fun things. Whatever you want to do. I just got back from a week long vacation in Key West, by myself. Yes, I have a GF but if she found out the things I did down there, she'd be gone. I was married for 17 years and with my ex wife for a total of 20. After the divorce, I met who I thought was my soul mate. It lasted a while but I eventually left. All the better for it. I don't want a long term relationship. Why? Because I took care of myself first. I took time and a lot of it for me. Call it blissfully content. Things are good in my life. You can get there too but you gotta let go first.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
April 15, 2017, 05:25 PM
joatmonv
As a man gets older, his stock with younger women continues to increase, especially if he has his act together. An older, divorced womans only decreases. Unfair but true as hell.
Rhino said this too and you may think it's bullshit but it isn't. I'm almost 50 and my GF is 37. Self confidence and a little gray hair possibly? Who knows. The 24 year old barmaid at the local place found something about older men she liked too. I would never have a relationship with someone that young but anything else? Game on. Get out and live life. Whatever it may be.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
