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Reaffirmed to my wife yesterday that upon my final death on this planet that my wishes were to be cremated. No wake.

That if she deemed it proper, a service could be held at a Catholic/Christian Church, Jewish Temple, New Age Congregation, Buddhist Garden, Ganges River but that I would not be particularly happy with a Mosque. I've already had two wake services, enough for one person. One is called life and the other was a lovely, whimsical affair.

That with my ashes she could do as she pleased. Spread them, dump them, turn them into soap, a scented candle, donate them to a Goodwill store, KFC, Taco Bell or Popeyes, even convert them into a small rock that she could place inside her shoes.

She wryly loved the Mosque idea. I've seen that grin before. Big Grin

My afterlife is in danger. I might need help from off-duty officers to stay dead.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
Picture of 12131
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quote:
Originally posted by jehzsa:
Reaffirmed to my wife yesterday that upon my final death on this planet that my wishes were to be cremated. No wake.

That if she deemed it proper, a service could be held at a Catholic/Christian Church, Jewish Temple, New Age Congregation, Buddhist Garden, Ganges River but that I would not be particularly happy with a Mosque. I've already had two wake services, enough for one person. One is called life and the other was a lovely, whimsical affair.

That with my ashes she could do as she pleased. Spread them, dump them, turn them into soap, a scented candle, donate them to a Goodwill store, KFC, Taco Bell or Popeyes, even convert them into a small rock that she could place inside her shoes.

She wryly loved the Mosque idea. I've seen that grin before. Big Grin

My afterlife is in danger. I might need help from off-duty officers to stay dead.

Ha ha ha.
 
Posts: 15658 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
All the time
Picture of Gear.Up
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quote:
upon my final death


How many are you planning on? Or is that instead of La petite mort?
 
Posts: 2142 | Location: East TN | Registered: July 28, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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upon my final death on this planet

It's no secret that I watch Fox News.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'm about the same except I'd prefer my cremains be thrown in the nearest trash. I'm not in there at that point, so no reason to keep them. Use the savings on an expensive box and funeral for a party.
 
Posts: 2226 | Location: Iowa | Registered: February 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
probably a good thing
I don't have a cut
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I want my ashes thrown into a volcano. Or, if it were allowed, they could just throw my corpse into the volcano to save the price of the cremation.
 
Posts: 2337 | Location: Tampa, FL | Registered: February 09, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Delusions of Adequacy
Picture of zoom6zoom
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A friend spread her husband's ashes on the front walk after a snowstorm. She said it was the first useful work he'd done around the house in years.




I have my own style of humor. I call it Snarkasm.
 
Posts: 16883 | Location: Virginia | Registered: June 02, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Ammoholic
Picture of Skins2881
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I'd like to be made into a diamond and then flung into outer space.



Jesse

A couple SIGs and a few others
 
Posts: 11656 | Location: Loudoun County, Virginia | Registered: December 27, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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flung into outer space

I considered the earth-orbiting option in the 90s. At the time, it was possible to track it. Which, in my mind, would make a jehzsa-tracking party for friends and family during the anniversary attractive. Especially if they were nice and drunk. "Look---there he goessh! Everybody have a sshot!"

Today I realize that being categorized as space debris and a threat to the space station and other assorted doodahs out there is not to my liking.

There's enough crap out there right now to add a bit of me.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I told the wife I want a Viking funeral. Put my body on a raft in the middle of the harbor and light me on fire.
 
Posts: 1173 | Location: Rhode Island | Registered: December 27, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Originally...dedguy:

Smile

I like your style.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of cparktd
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quote:
Originally posted by jehzsa:
That with my ashes she could do as she pleased. Spread them, dump them, turn them into soap, a scented candle, donate them to a Goodwill store, KFC, Taco Bell or Popeyes, even convert them into a small rock that she could place inside her shoes.



Another option to consider, does she like Diamonds?
https://www.eterneva.com/



Deplorable before deplorable was cool!
 
Posts: 1815 | Location: Middle Tennessee | Registered: February 07, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'd feel safer if she donated my ashes to the local KFC. You know---one more of the 11 herbs and spices.

She loses jewelry like a black hole gobbles up light.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Have your ashes sprinkled into the carpet, so she can clean up after you one more time.


--
No matter where you go, there you are
 
Posts: 1554 | Location: Roswell, GA | Registered: March 10, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
thin skin can't win
Picture of Georgeair
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Whatever you do, swallow a giant mound of popcorn kernels just before you die. The cremation will be epic.



You only have integrity once. - imprezaguy02

 
Posts: 8494 | Location: Madison, MS | Registered: December 10, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Georgeair:
Whatever you do, swallow a giant mound of popcorn kernels just before you die. The cremation will be epic.

That is a great idea.

"What the hell is happening?"

"Apparently he ingested popcorn kernels before he died."

"Are you recording this?"

"1080i. WOW, look at that one go!"

"This is going on FB."
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Little ray
of sunshine
Picture of jhe888
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I'm going to insist that they do something wildly inconvenient and a pain in the ass. Like throw some of my ashes off the Empire State building, some in the Gulf of Mexico 40 miles offshore, bury some in Alaska, shoot some into space . . . you get the picture.




The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
 
Posts: 45732 | Location: Texas | Registered: February 10, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I'm going to insist

But perhaps they'll want closure.

"Guys, are we finished yet?"

"Nope."

One of the comments that my wife made was about closure. She wants closure. I do not know closure. Of all the deaths that touched me, none is particularly open-ended. In a sense, closure was instantaneous with the moment of death. I do not know, or understand, what closure means for her or to anyone else for that matter.
 
Posts: 14186 | Location: Tampa, Florida | Registered: December 12, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Waiting for Hachiko
Picture of Sunset_Va
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quote:
Originally posted by 12131:
quote:
Originally posted by jehzsa:
Reaffirmed to my wife yesterday that upon my final death on this planet that my wishes were to be cremated. No wake.

That if she deemed it proper, a service could be held at a Catholic/Christian Church, Jewish Temple, New Age Congregation, Buddhist Garden, Ganges River but that I would not be particularly happy with a Mosque. I've already had two wake services, enough for one person. One is called life and the other was a lovely, whimsical affair.

That with my ashes she could do as she pleased. Spread them, dump them, turn them into soap, a scented candle, donate them to a Goodwill store, KFC, Taco Bell or Popeyes, even convert them into a small rock that she could place inside her shoes.

She wryly loved the Mosque idea. I've seen that grin before. Big Grin

My afterlife is in danger. I might need help from off-duty officers to stay dead.

Ha ha ha.


And miss the party?

Phyllis Diller and Fang come to mind.


美しい犬
 
Posts: 4985 | Location: Near the Metropolis of Tightsqueeze, Va | Registered: February 18, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I have given my wife very clear guidelines for my departure. Cremation. Then the ashes are to be loaded into rifle shells (maybe 30-06 or 375 ruger) after which those that wish to speed me on my way may gather and do so at the local shooting range. One of my friends or children will have to do the reloading of the ammunition as my wife does not reload. Thanks to Joe Ely for the suggestion.


Ignem Feram
 
Posts: 195 | Registered: October 03, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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