SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  What's Your Deal!    Ahhh the joys of divorced parenting
Go
New
Find
Notify
Tools
Reply
  
Ahhh the joys of divorced parenting Login/Join 
Do No Harm,
Do Know Harm
posted
13 yo son has decided he wants to move in with my wife and me.

Been separated from his mom since 2012, divorced soon after. We live about 2 hours apart currently.

We’ve done a splendid job co-parenting during that time, with very very little issues. He’d been here about 70% of the time with COVID going on. My daughter too, for the first several months of school going remote. This popped up as a surprise to me before the holidays, but I told my son to think about it until the first of the year, because I knew how well it would go over.

She has some pretty significant health issues, I actually thought she might quietly see some relief.

I was quite mistaken.

Going on month two of working it out...Still most likely to stay out of court, but I do wish she’d believe this wasn’t some underground plot of mine. I love having the kid here, absolutely, but I honestly had no intention of causing her grief. My goal is to provide a supportive, healthy atmosphere for the kids no matter what. I guess I was doing better than I thought.

Now if I could just get off night shift and enjoy doing more stuff with him.




Knowing what one is talking about is widely admired but not strictly required here.

Although sometimes distracting, there is often a certain entertainment value to this easy standard.
-JALLEN

"All I need is a WAR ON DRUGS reference and I got myself a police thread BINGO." -jljones
 
Posts: 10962 | Location: NC | Registered: August 16, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Deal In Lead
Picture of Flash-LB
posted Hide Post
I've always been glad that my first wife and I never had kids so it could be a clean break and I'd never see her again.

Good luck.
 
Posts: 5902 | Location: Gilbert Arizona | Registered: March 21, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
No, not like
Bill Clinton
Picture of BigSwede
posted Hide Post
It sucks. It takes two people with cool heads and wanting, above all, what is truly best for the kids

I didn't have that with my ex, at all.


*********************
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
 
Posts: 3182 | Location: GA | Registered: September 23, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of ShouldBFishin
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by chongosuerte:
My goal is to provide a supportive, healthy atmosphere for the kids no matter what.


This is important, but you already knew that.


For me, dealing with the ex got easier over time. My daughter is 25 and I don't think I've spoken with my ex since my daughter graduated college. Life is good Smile
 
Posts: 1532 | Location: MN | Registered: March 29, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
I did not see much of my kid for nearly a year when I divorced his mother. Took her that long to calm down. And my lawyer told me not not push back, no matter what. Went from standard order of visitation to the kid being with me 60% of the time, but it took nearly three years to happen.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 11531 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Casuistic Thinker and Daoist
Picture of 9mmepiphany
posted Hide Post
quote:
13 yo son has decided he wants to move in with my wife and me.

That's about the time my son told me he wanted to move out of his mother's house and into mine...we were doing week-on, week-off.

I took a different tack than you did. When she wanted to argue or lay blame, I just said, "I guess we'll just have to go to court"...that ended that drama.

What tipped the scales in my favor, was when I told her I wasn't going to ask the court for Child Support




No, Daoism isn't a religion



 
Posts: 13620 | Location: northern california | Registered: February 07, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by 9mmepiphany:
quote:
13 yo son has decided he wants to move in with my wife and me.

That's about the time my son told me he wanted to move out of his mother's house and into mine...we were doing week-on, week-off.

I took a different tack than you did. When she wanted to argue or lay blame, I just said, "I guess we'll just have to go to court"...that ended that drama.

What tipped the scales in my favor, was when I told her I wasn't going to ask the court for Child Support


Most women see child support (to them) as income........This is probably where the big hangup is.
 
Posts: 20715 | Registered: June 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Do No Harm,
Do Know Harm
posted Hide Post
Nah. I told her I wouldn’t alter the current child support amount if she agrees without going to court. Various reasons.




Knowing what one is talking about is widely admired but not strictly required here.

Although sometimes distracting, there is often a certain entertainment value to this easy standard.
-JALLEN

"All I need is a WAR ON DRUGS reference and I got myself a police thread BINGO." -jljones
 
Posts: 10962 | Location: NC | Registered: August 16, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Dinosaur
Picture of P210
posted Hide Post
Is it possible that his desire to live with you has anything to do with normal adolescent rebellion and him thinking there’s an option and “the grass is greener”?
 
Posts: 6727 | Location: Maui, HI | Registered: December 15, 1999Reply With QuoteReport This Post
For real?
Picture of Chowser
posted Hide Post
My oldest moved in with me at 13 as well. My second oldest decided one day when she was 17 to just move in and didn't bother telling me or her mother. Just showed up with all her stuff one day.

My youngest is 14 now. We seem to be doing okay and are all getting along. He still lives with his mom.



Not minority enough!
 
Posts: 6948 | Location: Cleveland, OH | Registered: August 09, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Do No Harm,
Do Know Harm
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by P210:
Is it possible that his desire to live with you has anything to do with normal adolescent rebellion and him thinking there’s an option and “the grass is greener”?


I’m the strict one, I certainly don’t spoil them. And I’m very thankful that no rebellious streaks have popped up yet.

His primary reason is the educational opportunities here versus the rural county their mom lives in. He had researched the magnet school he wanted to attend. We found out yesterday he was selected.

We have a more active lifestyle, as well. Even during covid we do as much as we can as a family. My ex and I are very different types. I know he enjoys having things to do and responsibilities.

The grass is greener.




Knowing what one is talking about is widely admired but not strictly required here.

Although sometimes distracting, there is often a certain entertainment value to this easy standard.
-JALLEN

"All I need is a WAR ON DRUGS reference and I got myself a police thread BINGO." -jljones
 
Posts: 10962 | Location: NC | Registered: August 16, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
I did not experience any real rebellion, but the kid quickly learned the art of telling each parent what they wanted to hear and game us.
Example:
I would ask him for a report on how he was doing in school. He would then give me a rosy version of what was going on. Meanwhile, the school was sending notices to his mother reporting that he was failing his classes.
After I caught on to this, I made sure I compared notes with his mother so as to be better informed.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
 
Posts: 11531 | Location: Marquette MI | Registered: July 08, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Around 15 years ago, I tried to get my Daughter to move from NJ to Tucson. I would get her an apartment, job and pay for other expenses.

Nope. She wanted to live with her mother, however, I could still send her money, so she could party.

That ended quickly.


*********
Q - How can you tell a Politician is lying?

A - Lips are moving.
 
Posts: 7655 | Location: Arizona | Registered: August 17, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Flying Sergeant
posted Hide Post
I truly feel for you chongo. Hang in there, it’ll work out.
 
Posts: 1554 | Location: Waukesha,WI | Registered: December 19, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by chongosuerte:
Still most likely to stay out of court, but I do wish she’d believe this wasn’t some underground plot of mine. I love having the kid here, absolutely, but I honestly had no intention of causing her grief.

It's almost as if the boy has a mind & preferences of his own. Imagine that. Roll Eyes
 
Posts: 2040 | Location: Texas | Registered: June 17, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
Feel for you Chongo.
I got custody of my daughter when she was 14 because my ex wife became a mess. No drugs or alcohol, just mental stuff.
We went to family court and she signed all the papers willingly. She knew she was unfit at the time.
Took many years and my daughter and her mother are still patching things up together.
Kids always come first and there was no animosity from me, I just put my child in a better situation.


I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.
 
Posts: 2723 | Location: The armpit of Ohio | Registered: August 18, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
I would make sure that the boy is not threatening his mom with moving out to get what he wants.

Sometimes kids will do that sort of thing to get their way. I know this from experience. Sometimes you do not know what is going on, until it happens and then you find out what the motive is.
I also had it happen to a friend of mine. Moved in with his dad(my friend), then when dad would not do what the boy wanted, he moved back with mom, but there were other serious complications.
Kids feel hurt from a divorce and sometimes take advantage of the situation to hurt back when they do not get their way.
Hope that is not the case for you, and good luck.


NRA Life Endowment member
Tri-State Gun collectors Life Member
 
Posts: 2792 | Location: Ohio | Registered: December 18, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata  
 

SIGforum.com    Main Page  Hop To Forum Categories  What's Your Deal!    Ahhh the joys of divorced parenting

© SIGforum 2021