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I wasn't doin' nothin'! Login/Join 
Jack of All Trades,
Master of Nothing
Picture of 2000Z-71
posted
And yet here you are in a trauma bed.




My daughter can deflate your daughter's soccer ball.
 
Posts: 11279 | Location: Eagle River, AK | Registered: September 12, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of SR
posted Hide Post
So, what was I doing?




Speak softly and carry a big stick loaded Sig
 
Posts: 4658 | Location: Raleigh, North Carolina | Registered: September 27, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'm Different!
Picture of mrbill345
posted Hide Post
And "these two dudes jumped me!" was the usual next line.



“Agnostic, gun owning, conservative, college educated hillbilly”
 
Posts: 4113 | Location: Middle Finger of WV | Registered: March 29, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of .38supersig
posted Hide Post
A friend gave me this car.

What is your friends name?

I don't know.


My other Sig is a Steyr...
 
Posts: 6605 | Location: Somewhere looking for ammo that nobody has at a place I haven't been to for a pistol I couldn't live without... | Registered: December 02, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
chickenshit
Picture of rsbolo
posted Hide Post
"These aren't my pants"

or sorry,

"Dese ain't my pants man!"


____________________________
Yes, Para does appreciate humor.
 
Posts: 7541 | Location: East Central FL | Registered: January 05, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Page late and a dollar short
posted Hide Post
What? You found my car? Where? Smashed into a Boulder? Oh, this cut on my head? I got jumped by a couple of guys when I left the bar. Oh,I wasn’t driving it, I left it there, don’t know how it got wrecked. I never drive when I’m drunk.

True excuses given at the scene of an ambulance run I worked one night to the responding officer, two miles or so from where his car was found.


-------------------------------------——————
————————--Ignorance is a powerful tool if applied at the right time, even, usually, surpassing knowledge(E.J.Potter, A.K.A. The Michigan Madman)
 
Posts: 6712 | Location: Livingston County Michigan USA | Registered: August 11, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
Picture of Jimbo Jones
posted Hide Post
I was walking down the street minding my own business and this guy came up and just shot me!


---------------------------------------
It's like my brain's a tree and you're those little cookie elves.
 
Posts: 2851 | Location: Cary, NC | Registered: February 26, 2013Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
The gerbil did it by himself...
 
Posts: 475 | Location: McKinney, TX | Registered: February 20, 2018Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by rsbolo:
"These aren't my pants"

or sorry,

"Dese ain't my pants man!"


Dey my Cousins pants!

Sounds just as good in Spanish.


_____________________________________________________________________

"When its time to shoot, shoot. Dont talk!"

“What the government is good at is collecting taxes, taking away your freedoms and killing people. It’s not good at much else.” —Author Tom Clancy
 
Posts: 6465 | Location: Attempting to keep the noise down around Midway Airport | Registered: February 14, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Sigforum K9 handler
Picture of jljones
posted Hide Post
“I don’t know” is the guy that shoots a lot of people.




www.opspectraining.com

"It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it works out for them"



 
Posts: 35120 | Location: Logical | Registered: September 12, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by .38supersig:
A friend gave me this car.

What is your friends name?

I don't know.


I had that happen, serious as hell. I used to Captain a few boats a year for this yacht shipping company. The owner had this young guy that worked for him and I only met him once.....only knew his first name, Winston.....so run the boat 50 miles North to Palm Beach, he meets me at a marina in a new Lexus GS-F, had like 505hp and was I think $105k and 5,000 miles.....he hands me the keys and says drive it back to fort lauderdale and leave it at the yard with the keys in it.......so well.....the mate and I get on the highway (I95), temptation was too much.....I get it up to 120 mph in short order and a Highway patrol was sitting there 1/2 a mile ahead of us, I slammed on the brakes, to about 5mph above the speed limit, there is no way he couldn't have radared us, but never pulled us over........the mate and I joked, cause if we did get pulled over, we didn't know where the registration was, or even the last name of the owner of the car.
 
Posts: 20820 | Registered: June 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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posted Hide Post
"Didn't do it".

Name of a Bail Bonds firm in Tucson.


*********
Q - How can you tell a Politician is lying?

A - Lips are moving.
 
Posts: 7735 | Location: Arizona | Registered: August 17, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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posted Hide Post
I was dealing with this drunk kid at a bar one night. He had a fake ID (the real kind, bought online with his name and photo as opposed to using somebody else's). He told me that he "found it."

"You found it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Somebody went out and got a fake ID with your name and photo, managed to lose it, and YOU found it? YOU found it?!?"

"Yes, sir."
 
Posts: 3988 | Location: Iowa | Registered: February 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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posted Hide Post
Reminds me of the "fifth direction" we spoke about in traffic investigation. For those who don't know, the fifth direction is "from outta nowhere."
 
Posts: 16219 | Location: Lexington, KY | Registered: October 15, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
Picture of Rey HRH
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by DaBigBR:
I was dealing with this drunk kid at a bar one night. He had a fake ID (the real kind, bought online with his name and photo as opposed to using somebody else's). He told me that he "found it."

"You found it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Somebody went out and got a fake ID with your name and photo, managed to lose it, and YOU found it? YOU found it?!?"

"Yes, sir."


That's funny as heck.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 16351 | Location: Bay Area, CA | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Fighting the good fight
Picture of RogueJSK
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by Fredward:
Reminds me of the "fifth direction" we spoke about in traffic investigation. For those who don't know, the fifth direction is "from outta nowhere."


Stolen. Big Grin
 
Posts: 27285 | Location: Northwest Arkansas | Registered: January 06, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
quote:
Originally posted by GWbiker:
"Didn't do it".

Name of a Bail Bonds firm in Tucson.


I know that guy. Ahdindoo Nuffin.


Retired holster maker.
Retired police chief.
Formerly Sergeant, US Army Airborne Infantry, Pathfinders
 
Posts: 701 | Location: Colorado | Registered: March 07, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Equal Opportunity Mocker
Picture of slabsides45
posted Hide Post
Bought a little bowrider Crowline boat off a guy from middle TN once, he was a bail bondsman. The boat's name was "Get Busted." Smile


________________________________________________

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving."
-Dr. Adrian Rogers
 
Posts: 5928 | Location: Mogadishu on the Mississippi | Registered: February 26, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Member
posted Hide Post
SSI (not social security) is a public assistance program run by SSA. Unlike social security, if you have other income (such as casino winnings) it affects your eligibility. I never once saw a casino winner voluntarily report their winnings. Not even once. SSA always finds out. So here is how the conversation goes when we confront them.

SSA: Congratulations on your casino win. You failed to report your win. It affects your eligibility. You are overpaid.

Beneficiary: What are you talking about? I didn't win anything.

SSA: You did. Here's the proof.

Beneficiary: Oh yeah. What happened was I was at the casino and this guy sitting next to me won a jackpot. He didn't have any ID with him so he asked me to claim the money. I gave it all to him. Don't remember his name. (Incredibly, 80% of the beneficiaries came up with this story on the spot when notified.)

SSA: Under the law, once you accepted the money, it was legally yours. If you gave it to "some guy", that's your choice. You can file an appeal if you wish.

The appeal if filed is always denied. The over payment is collected. To be clear, not everybody on public assistance programs play the lottery and go to the casino. But many do.
 
Posts: 566 | Location: New Jersey  | Registered: May 03, 2019Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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