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Changing the modern headlight bulb...or, how I battled Satan and lost (some knuckle skin, that is)

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May 16, 2018, 11:49 PM
soggy_spinout
Changing the modern headlight bulb...or, how I battled Satan and lost (some knuckle skin, that is)
Modern engine bays are a vile place. Those effin efficiency engineers and that penchant of using up every frickin' cubic milliliter (it's a foreign car) of volume in the damn compartment. It's evil personified...in an inanimate space. The worst is just how much OTHER stuff has to be pulled off the car just to get to what needs to be fixed or replaced.

And so we come to the lowly headlight bulb, in this case a HID Xenon whatchamacallit. It's what my wife's Mazda takes, and did I mention that it's expensive too? How on the Good Earth is this a simple task, as was preached by the evil souls with their so-called DIY videos on YouTube. Google should BAN THESE cretins for their exaggerations, lies and obtuse oversimplifications instead of going after honest, thoughtful gun folk only trying to shed knowledge on a hungry, craving populace.

I'm digressing, aren't I?

But NEVERYOUMIND! These useless DIY car maintenance videos are the work of the Devil himself. The worst kind, just like those dastardly designers, engineers and assemblers who dream up and put together these awful engine bays. Why must I take off the wheel and then the wheel well liner just to gain access to the back of the darned headlamp? And THEN why is it the carnsarnit electrical plug can't be moved out of the way in order to get the new bulb cleanly in so that the stupid thing won't get its precious glass contaminated with evil stuff and fail prematurely, just like the LAST ONE DID when the dealer soaked us for an UNGODLY amount to have them do it for my evidently helpless missus.

Why can't she be such a pushover when it comes to me taking out the garbage? Oy, that digressing thing again...

Why can't engines be in the BACK? Like my 911! Then changing the darn bulb would be SO EASY. So what if I have to drop the engine if a gasket goes kablooey, but how often does THAT happen? Not nearly as much as a stupid, evil headlight bulb going out, that's for dang sure. Besides, the engine is a BIG THING, so taking off a buncha other parts is EXPECTED. A light bulb is such a puny, itsy-bitsy insignificance in the totality of it all. IT SHOULDN'T REMOVING HUGE PIECES OF THE CAR JUST TO CHANGE THE DAMN THING OUT. The scale of such endeavors is just out of whack!

But now that this is finally over with and I'm seeing a hint of calm slowly enveloping my being...I get set all of that aside as I will soon have to remove the FRONT BUMPER of my Volvo to change ITS dead daytime running light bulb out.

Lucifer is just grinnin' over all of this, I'm as certain of it as it's going to rain in Seattle.
May 17, 2018, 12:02 AM
arfmel
My 01 Suburban has a good setup. Open the hood. Pull a pin, and the headlight assembly swings out on a hinge to allow access to the bulb holders.

Naturally they "corrected" this simple and efficient system on subsequent models
May 17, 2018, 06:43 AM
blueye
Now you know why they charge a ton of money for simple tasks at the dealership, that and they are crooks nonetheless.
May 17, 2018, 08:59 AM
Mr.9mm
Last time I attempted this was on my wife's Rav4. Eventually took it to the dealership to have the new bulb installed and the old bulb fished out of wherever the hell it went to when I dropped it while trying to extricate my hand from their monkey-fist-trap of an engine compartment.
May 17, 2018, 09:03 AM
Leemur
I nearly took a hammer to my wife’s 2003 Spectra over the driver side headlight. The side marker light on my Tacoma was marginally better.
May 17, 2018, 09:12 AM
P220 Smudge
Out of curiosity, which model of Mazda?


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Carthago delenda est
May 17, 2018, 11:20 AM
PASig
Nothing beats the 8th gen Honda Civic (2006-2011) in being a more miserable exercise in what SHOULD be a 5 minute job.

You have two options:

1. Literally disassemble half the front engine compartment of the car, like I'm talking AC components and battery and battery tray, etc to get to the headlights

OR

2. Cut your wheel hard, and reach into the wheel well and RIP a piece of that down, THEN stick your hand up in there and do everything by feel getting to the old bulb.

I'd like to murder the engineers who designed an engine compartment where you can't even do simple things like this anymore. NO WONDER the damn dealerships charge a shitload of money for seemingly mundane things!


May 17, 2018, 11:46 AM
P250UA5
My F150 isn't much better.
-Partially detach fender flare (first few clips on the front end)
-Remove headlight trim
-Remove entire headlight housing
-Replace Bulb
-Repeat in reverse.

Simple in steps, took me about 90 minutes to do both.




The Enemy's gate is down.
May 17, 2018, 02:01 PM
Sailor1911
Thanks for shedding some light on that!




Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.

“If in winning a race, you lose the respect of your fellow competitors, then you have won nothing” - Paul Elvstrom "The Great Dane" 1928 - 2016
May 17, 2018, 02:32 PM
Snake207
My 2011 4Runner is the same way - what a huge PITA.

Cut wheel hard, unscrew 4 fender liner clips, literally pry the liner back and apart. Blindly try and reach and unscrew the bulb assembly out, all the while doing a funky contortion pose.


__________________________
www.opspectraining.com
"It pays to be a winner."
May 17, 2018, 03:13 PM
Edmond
I had to take the front bumper cover off to access the headlights on my 2003 Honda Civic. I replaced all the bulbs while I had it taken apart. Wasn't going to replace just the burned out turn signal and then have to do the others and go through the same process again.


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May 17, 2018, 03:57 PM
HRK
Then you'd love to change one on the Caddy STS, you have to remove the inner fender well bolts for both sides, remove the front bumper cover and only THEN can you get to the housing to pull it out to change the bulb.

Or you can get someone with tiny hands to try and get into the space to change the bulb..I mean deadpool two day old chopped off hand size tiny...



May 17, 2018, 04:12 PM
LS1 GTO
My wife's 2011 Accord...grrrr.

Now I understand why the owner's manual doesn't even list light bulbs but instead refers the owner to the dealer for the maintenance.






Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.



"If dogs don't go to Heaven, I want to go where they go" Will Rogers



May 17, 2018, 05:48 PM
jbcummings
Outstanding rant!

Car engineers suck!


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Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for thou art crunchy and taste good with catsup.
May 17, 2018, 05:51 PM
cparktd
The local Advance Auto changes them for free... except for the time my wife took her GMC Envoy by and they sent her home with the new bulb, not installed. They told her they could not figure out how to change it.

Oh Boy, I thought, this is going to be a real PIA...

Was I ever wrong, open hood and pull up a locking tab and the light comes right out! Maybe 30 seconds total and no tools required. Nice! They got one thing right.



If it ain't woke... don't fix it.
May 17, 2018, 06:30 PM
4MUL8R
I had to do my 2006 Buick LaCrosse last month, and cursed the engineers who were incompetent designers. So much is right about the car. A few things are just not.


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Trying to simplify my life...
May 17, 2018, 06:56 PM
Mars_Attacks
My BMW, you have to remove the headlight housings.

My Frontier is stupid easy, just reach down. pop them out, snap the new one in, reconnect wire


____________________________

Eeewwww, don't touch it!
Here, poke at it with this stick.
May 17, 2018, 07:12 PM
dwright1951
We bought one of the original boxy Jeep Cherokee’s, when the passenger side headlight went out I read the book on how to change the bulb, ended up disconnecting the battery to get out the old bulb, the book warned about not touching the glass part of the bulb because the oil from your hands would cause the bulb to shatter once it heated up so I dug into my hunting stuff got a pair or disposable gloves to keep oil off the bulb. Then the first flat tire that we had on it, I found out that the lug wrench that the factory supplied was the wrong size.
May 17, 2018, 07:22 PM
Erick85
On my 2008 GMC 2500HD, I have to remove the battery on the driver side and the air filter on the passenger side. My wife drives a 2014 Acadia, I had to remove the wheel well lined to get at those. Both are a pain in the ass, but I’m not paying someone to do it...
May 17, 2018, 07:37 PM
YooperSigs
My little turbo shopping cart- the Chevy Trax- was a super easy bulb change. On one side. The other side? Disassemble many things. Nope.
Off to the dealer.
Stupid.


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles