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Uhh no.
 
Posts: 193 | Registered: February 17, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.


Don't. I've already chaptered enough of my Soldiers for coming up hot on a urinalysis.
 
Posts: 1609 | Registered: April 09, 2012Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of vthoky
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quote:
Originally posted by PASig:
If he stays longer than "2 months", let him know in no uncertain terms he WILL pay rent to you.


A friend of mine told me a while back that when her mother-in-law came to stay, it was to be "only for a month." It's been two years now. My friend is, um, "less than enthused."



Support our troops, and our veterans.
Go Hokies!
New favorite quote from the golf course: "It's not the club, son."
 
Posts: 7417 | Location: Hokie Nation! | Registered: July 15, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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That is what mothers do...they coddle their kids especially sons when remarried. I have seen this situation many times and have been involved in it as well.
The more you "seem" to be against him, the more his mother will be for him.

Helping him is ok, just hope it turns out ok for you.


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Posts: 1587 | Location: Ohio | Registered: December 18, 2014Reply With QuoteReport This Post
The Unknown
Stuntman
Picture of bionic218
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You got money for pot, you got money for a place. Get to steppin'.
 
Posts: 9685 | Location: missouri | Registered: October 18, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
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quote:
Originally posted by Aquabird:
That is what mothers do...they coddle their kids especially sons when remarried. I have seen this situation many times and have been involved in it as well.
The more you "seem" to be against him, the more his mother will be for him.

Helping him is ok, just hope it turns out ok for you.


"His Mom has coddled him his whole life", not when remarried. I have no tolerance for spoiled rotten brats. See this with my own eyes, also.


Q


 
Posts: 13564 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I think I am going to run this like an episode of Big Brother.....there will be daily challenges and if he fails he will be publicly shamed and or voted out....put some web cams in, sell sponsorships!
 
Posts: 3112 | Location: Peoria, AZ | Registered: November 07, 2002Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of heisrizn
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Please heed this advice, it's proven track record for many in your situation.

Have a family meeting (wife, step-son, daughter) up front so all expectations are clear.

Ensure he signs a M2M renter's agreement with you and your wife. 30day notice is what you'll provide him
of either cancellation or rental fee increases with termination clauses for violating specific parameters e.g., drug use. Lay out your guidelines of expectation. It's YOUR home, not his. He is a guest that pays rent.

In writing inform him rent is $500 per month. The first month you and your wife will subsidize the rent $450; he owes you $50 (up front, of course). 2nd month you subsidize $400; he owes you $100. 3rd month you subsidize $200; he owes you $300. 4th month you subsidize $50; he owes you $450. 5th month the rent is $700 (welcome to the real world!)

He should move by month 4. Without him knowing, tell your wife up front, that your going to take the money he paid you and buy him a Walmart gift card. Give him that his first week out of the house.

You and your wife have to be on the same page.

Remember this isn't just helping your stepson, this most certainly is a teaching moment for your daughter. "We love you, we're here for you BUT, it's our responsibility to raise you to be responsible productive adults".


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When one segment of society labors for the benefit of another segment, without consent, we thought that was slavery and called it as such, 150 years ago. Today it is referred to as taxation of the "rich".
 
Posts: 1195 | Location: Fayetteville, NC | Registered: April 05, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Letting a 26 year old man who smokes(?) pot move back home is a bad idea. This will eventually crash and burn (figuratively). Remember, you heard it here first!
 
Posts: 234 | Registered: January 20, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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If he can't afford his bills he can't afford to smoke pot.


____________________________________________________

The butcher with the sharpest knife has the warmest heart.
 
Posts: 10436 | Location: Bottom of Lake Washington | Registered: March 06, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Avoiding
slam fires
Picture of 45 Cal
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I feel for you,went thru that with step son also.
Finally when the little prick stole his moms diamond ear rings she kicked the little pot smoker to the curb.
They never change,when he came to his moms funeral he was wearing shorts and was whacked out his gourd
 
Posts: 21150 | Location: Georgia | Registered: February 19, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Not really from Vienna
Picture of arfmel
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quote:
Originally posted by Loaded Round:
Before I let him move in, I would just give him the first 2 or 3 months rent....wave as he leaves.

It can be really hard to get people to leave.

Good Luck


This. And tell him after that money is gone, he's on his own, so he better find a job.

It's the very best solution for all involved.




 
Posts: 20887 | Location: Young American Teen Club | Registered: January 30, 2007Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of Krazeehorse
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I'm with several others here. I would help him find an apartment that was best suited to his budget and help him into that apartment with deposit and a couple months rent. If his moving back in becomes a problem it will be a problem between you and your wife, not him.


I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.
Thomas Jefferson
 
Posts: 3014 | Location: Kenton, Ohio | Registered: December 27, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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quote:
Originally posted by Krazeehorse:
I'm with several others here. I would help him find an apartment that was best suited to his budget and help him into that apartment with deposit and a couple months rent. If his moving back in becomes a problem it will be a problem between you and your wife, not him.


THIS. Much better to lose a little bit of money on him, than to have a LOT of disconnect with your wife.....get him into some craphole.....and let him pay the rent and figure it out.....from what you've said between the weed, your daughter, and everything else, it will be a major source of frustration from the very first day that he moves into your home and you'll have hell to pay to get him out of there.
 
Posts: 14725 | Registered: June 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Grrrr, Mr. Negative here. My stepson, the bum is 40! His lazy ass hits his Ma up for 10 or 20 bucks every 4 or 5 days. I cannot bear the sight of him & he very well knows how I feel. My bride knows my feelings as well. I wish you & your step son the best.
 
Posts: 2512 | Location: west 'by god' virginia | Registered: May 30, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Go ahead punk, make my day
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Posts: 36002 | Registered: July 12, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I Am The Walrus
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quote:
Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.


Awful advice.

Why should he be made a problem for the military to deal with?

The military doesn't teach anyone discipline. It can bring out the discipline already inside of someone but the military can't make someone something they are not.

He will cause nothing but problems for himself (dishonorable or other than honorable discharge, UCMJ, etc.), his fellow troops (group punishment which leads to blanket parties) and his chain of command.

A dishonorable or OTH discharge from the military is pretty much as bad as a felony.


_____________

Edmond
 
Posts: 8430 | Location: Central Florida | Registered: March 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
I'm Fine
Picture of SBrooks
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If he can afford to buy pot - he can afford to pay for some of the stuff he uses at the house. That's for sure.

I always wonder about people needing help ($) and smoking weed or tobacco at the same time... If you need money-the first thing you do is cut out the expendable stuff.


------------------
SBrooks
 
Posts: 2748 | Location: East Tennessee | Registered: August 21, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
On the DL
Picture of V-Tail
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quote:
Originally posted by Edmond:
quote:
Originally posted by mcrimm:
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.
Awful advice.

Why should he be made a problem for the military to deal with?

The military doesn't teach anyone discipline. It can bring out the discipline already inside of someone but the military can't make someone something they are not.

He will cause nothing but problems for himself (dishonorable or other than honorable discharge, UCMJ, etc.), his fellow troops (group punishment which leads to blanket parties) and his chain of command.

A dishonorable or OTH discharge from the military is pretty much as bad as a felony.
I hear that the French Foreign Legion is recruiting.



A mind is a terrible thing.
 
Posts: 16176 | Location: Central Florida (near Orlando) | Registered: January 03, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Too old to run,
too mean to quit!
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quote:
Originally posted by Kevmo:
Apparently my 26 year old stepson's relationship went south and he cannot afford apartment alone so his is moving in for supposedly 2 months to save some $$$$ and find a new apartment.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against helping my kids and I know this has been rough on him however, that said, I am bracing myself for a shit show.

His Mom has coddled him his whole life and I have already received the lecture about being nice to him while he is staying with us. MY reply was that I have zero issue helping him out for TWO months and will not charge him rent (insert seperate arguement here) BUT I have certain expectations:

1) He cleans up after himself

2) He either buys his own food and supplies or replaces what he uses without being told or chased.

3) As he enjoys his pot he needs to understand that there is a zero tolerance drug policy and that extends to him coming home smelling like he spilled out of Cheech and Chongs van.

My wife thinks I am being an asshole (except for number 3) but I am holding my ground. My 16 year old daughter is pissed because it will be awkward for her to have friends over now and this is not fair to her.

I already see the writing on the wall and know this is going to turn into 3-6 months unless I put a boot firmly up his ass.

It's always somehting....


Could be worse! My youngest grandson moved in here more than a year ago. Without my knowledge or agreement. I was never consulted.

Mrs. Elk let him use her car. He got drunker than $500 dollars (to quote a DI friend of mine years ago) and wrecked it. Fortunately no real damage, but the cops hauled him in, went to trial, Fine and court costs of $800.

Since he lost his license she acts like his personal driver. He pays nothing towards the gasoline, or his living expenses here. He collects more than $800 per month in military disability payments and as far as I can determine has not saved a dime. His driver's license had 11, out of 12, points against it. He will get his license back in early January.

And "grandma" buys all his special foods. Not that he needs special foods, but he likes certain stuff, like pulled pork, certain deserts.

He buys lots of that expensive energy drink shit but only consumes about half, on average, and the rest gets thrown away.

All the above is just a brief summary.

She has driven him to VA facilities in Fredricksburg and Richmond for all his medical appointments. Which run about twice a week on average.


Oh, and guess who fronted the money for his fine?

Oh, and he has had several LARGE tattoos done as well. And those ain't cheap, either.

Not to mention the $700+ metal detector he bought to search for civil war bullets, etc. And used the hell out of it for about a week, and it has been sitting in the laundry room for the last several months.


Elk

There has never been an occasion where a people gave up their weapons in the interest of peace that didn't end in their massacre. (Louis L'Amour)

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical. "
-Thomas Jefferson

"America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great." Alexis de Tocqueville

FBHO!!!



The Idaho Elk Hunter
 
Posts: 22292 | Location: Virginia | Registered: December 16, 2001Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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