Apparently my 26 year old stepson's relationship went south and he cannot afford apartment alone so his is moving in for supposedly 2 months to save some $$$$ and find a new apartment.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against helping my kids and I know this has been rough on him however, that said, I am bracing myself for a shit show.
His Mom has coddled him his whole life and I have already received the lecture about being nice to him while he is staying with us. MY reply was that I have zero issue helping him out for TWO months and will not charge him rent (insert seperate arguement here) BUT I have certain expectations:
1) He cleans up after himself
2) He either buys his own food and supplies or replaces what he uses without being told or chased.
3) As he enjoys his pot he needs to understand that there is a zero tolerance drug policy and that extends to him coming home smelling like he spilled out of Cheech and Chongs van.
My wife thinks I am being an asshole (except for number 3) but I am holding my ground. My 16 year old daughter is pissed because it will be awkward for her to have friends over now and this is not fair to her.
I already see the writing on the wall and know this is going to turn into 3-6 months unless I put a boot firmly up his ass.
It's always somehting....
Good luck man.
Yes, Para does appreciate humor.
| Get my pies|
outta the oven!
If he stays longer than "2 months", let him know in no uncertain terms he WILL pay rent to you.
That should do the trick.
This is my plan, shy of putting a whiteboard on his door with a countdown on it!
I have nothing against him but I know he can be very unmotivated unless a fire is under his ass and his mom will not help as she will want to wipe said ass.
I have already told him he needs to get a small storage area for his shit because he is not clogging up my garage
Not disagreeing by any means, but make sure you go about it correctly.
When I was 19, I moved in with my girlfriend and her parents after my parents sent me out on my own. I don't fault them by any means, they both moved out at 18 and made their own way in the world. I unfortunately, making $9/hr in Connecticut, couldn't get a place by myself.
I found myself in a similar scenario, and following essentially the same rules set out by the OP. Drugs were never something I did, but the others apply.
At one point, her father wanted us both to move out. When she refused, he then wanted just me out. Similar timetable, two months rent-free, then paying rent, and I was buying my own food/paying for my car/phone/etc etc.
When he started charging me rent, he charged me a *full* rent. Not a problem, until he started getting more and more pissed that I wasn't moving out.
I had a full sit-down with him, with a copy of my bills, including his rent, and my pay stubs. Because I was paying him full rent, I could never save enough to move out. For some reason that had never occurred to him.
In my case the situation resolved itself when I enlisted, and she proceeded to cheat on me. He cut me a break when I got back so that I could get out on my own.
If you reach the point of charging him rent, my only advice would be either make it full rent with the understanding that he then won't be going anywhere anytime soon, or a partial rent (maybe demand some sort of proof that he is actively looking for a place during that time).
|A Grateful American|
You might want to check with an attorny about "understood tenancy" between the you and your SIL.
Mnay a good person's home has been turned topsy turvey for the kind act of "helping someone", even for a few days.
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ I could explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If it ever came to charging him rent I would either charge him enough to cover room and board just so he knew the free ride was over or, if he behaves like I think he might and starts going out and blowing all his money I would charge a fair market rent but quietly put most of it in a savings account to help him move faster.
The bigger issue is because he had 2 incomes he went out and bought a car that he cab barely afford and opened up a bunch of credit cards. On top of that he and GF are on the hook to pay a lease cancelation fee which she is agreeing to split (for now).
I feel for you. Sounds like a coming shit storm. I would have a talk with the boss before he moves back, with agreements on expectations and time tables.
“I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.”
|Go ahead punk, make my day|
I don't understand a 26 year old man moving back in with his parents rent free.
At a minimum he'd be charged rent and portion of the utilities / internet bill.
Food would be on him, like all other adults find a way to do.
|non ducor, duco|
I've seen this go both ways. Good turn out and bad.
If it was me, and my step kid or real kid, I would make sure they had a job that could cover rent, even if it isn't a pretty rental, so long as its good enough.
Then I would give him first last and security, and instead of moving his stuff home, I would move it right into the rental.
Odds are the first, last, security will be less then what it will cost you in bills, food, and frustration over the next 6 to 12 months if your lucky.
First In Last Out
|Telling cops where to go for over 25 years|
Charge a reasonable rent, from that take out utilities/food/etc. If he was sharing the rent and utilities with his ex, he should be able to pay a similar amount to you.
The rest hold as escrow for his moving out-forced “savings” if you will.
And once he sleeps/resides with you. He is a tenant, officially or not, lease or no lease, paying rent or not. If things go south and he isn’t cooperative, you are facing the same eviction process as an apartment landlord. If he has all the protections of a rental agreement regardless, might as well have one up front to get some protection for yourself as well.
And if you two are prone to arguments and disagreements, DV laws will likely apply.
Expect your wife to take his side as well, basically you are screwed in a no-win situation, best of luck to you.
"Where MY free shit?!"
What part of "...Shall not be infringed" don't you understand???
|Little ray |
Why is it odd for the girl? There will be another adult there. So what?
As for the rest, it could be fine or a pain in the ass. It depends on the people involved. You're a better judge of that than us.
Setting out clear expectations whatever they are, and sticking with them is probably a good plan.
The fish is mute, expressionless. The fish doesn't think because the fish knows everything.
It is difficult for my daughter because they have not really gotten a long in the past few years mostly due to the now ex GF running the boys life and telling him what his thoughts and beliefs should be. MY daughter is a dangerous combination of highly intelligent and headstrong and the boy is rather immature and ignorant in a lot of ways.
I am going to make every effort to keep peace but I have already told the wife what i expect and that it would be much better delivered and received from here than me
|Ice age heat wave, |
Especially one with specific vices. I've never understood shithead people who live paycheck to paycheck or worse but smoke, drink, smoke weed...
It's a shame you can't smack people like that around.
Good luck, Sir. If I were in your shoes I'd take his rent payment(s) and give it back when it's time for him to get the fuck out.
NRA Life Member
Before I let him move in, I would just give him the first 2 or 3 months rent....wave as he leaves.
It can be really hard to get people to leave.
I like this approach better. Give him the money to start off renting a room, or split apartment with Buddy. It's no different then having him move in and save money to him, for you it saves fights with wife and headaches.
Kids don't like moving out of free rent.
There are plenty of others in same boat looking for a roommate.
A couple SIGs and a few others
Give him the address of the nearest armed forces recruiter.
I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings when I called you stupid - I thought you already knew - Unknown
When you have no future, you live in the past. " Sycamore Row" by John Grisham
Liberalism is a failure to find pathways to intelligence in your brain. - David Lawrence
Not if he can't pass a drug screen.
If he can't pay his bills, he cannot afford pot. Nor can he afford to be arrested for pot. Drug test. Fail equal eviction.
Let it be his choice of weed over room and board. He will pick weed
But you are soooo screwed. Sorry for your luck.
|Proud member of |
the vanning collective
So what you are saying is she was footing the rent bill and she got tired of his ass mooching???
If he was putting up his fair share he could easily find a roommate like the vast majority of other folks I know this age.
Being that he is a known drug user I would have serious apprehensions about this. Especially with a 16 year old girl in the house. The last thing you need are his dopehead buddies around.
I feel for you and I hope we don't have a new thread in 2 months about him not being out.
Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.
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